LPT: if you know someone is trying to lose weight, don’t say things like, “you look fine”, “just one cheat meal won’t hurt”, make a big deal if they bring their own foods and if they do don’t bombard them with questions.

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I agree. I’m not going to eat a lot of the foods at Christmas dinner and won’t be eating candy from the stockings. I will be fine, but I’m dreading my mother in laws questions about it.


Yes, and likewise, if someone actually managed to lose noticeable amounts of weight, don’t trivialize their struggle by asking them “so what was the trick?”, or try to conjecture aloud how they did it. Many people who lost weight won a private fight against their own subjective physiological predispositions, not to mention, untold social norms, to do so. Chances are it wasn’t some magic trick or easy diet that lost their weight for them while they hardly noticed. And, as always, they don’t owe you an explanation either way.


I’d take this a step further – just don’t question other people’s meals. Tl;dr: stop commenting on people’s diets, you don’t know enough to judge. I have a mental health issue which virtually no one knows called ARFID (used to be selective eating disorder). The most understandable way to describe it is an extreme form of fussy eating, which manifests like a form of OCD, but specially related to food. Because of it, my diet is *extremely* limited. It’s not like anorexia or what most people consider a eating disorder, I don’t look skinny or massively overweight, I look basically normal (well, a bit toward overweight these days, but that’s more to do with spending 37.5 hours a week sitting at a desk, and some old injuries making exercise an unpleasant slog). My routine diet diet consists of six things – spaghetti, cereal, pizza, burgers, fish cakes, and tomato soup, and 99% of what I drink is either pepsi/coke and milk. They also have to be specific brands or restaurants. Take spaghetti – I will only eat Heinz brand tinned spaghetti strings. I won’t even eat Heinz hoops. Cereal has to be Kellogg’s Rice Krispies. It even extends to condiments – if they’re the wrong brand, I won’t eat them. Something a doctor noted a few years ago that everything I eat is red, brown, or pale/beige, and generally have a soft texture. Along with that, I also lack interest in food. I routinely forget to eat. When I was in my early 20’s I once went 8 days on a packet of biscuits, a bunch of grapes, 4 pints of milk and 4 litres of Pepsi. By the time I realised how bad a state I was in and realised I had no food in, I was barely able to walk the 20 minutes to get something (normally I can walk 4-5 hours without blinking). Since then I have reminders in my phone so that I remember to eat, but even with that, I often only eat once a day. I also means that I tend to overanalyse foods. I haven’t eaten a meal in more than 2 decades without stopping to smell it first. If it smells off, or looks off (even the cheese being a bit too dark on a pizza) there’s a good chance I won’t be able to eat it – not that I won’t want to, I’ll even understand how irrational it is, I won’t be able to. If I try, I’ll be physically sick, often before it’s even in my mouth. I’ve learned to lessen this, but even at 31, if my brain decides (I say my brain as it’s subconscious, not a decision I come to myself) that something is wrong, I’m barely better than one in three to be able to eat it. And if there is something wrong (wrong brand, contaminated with something I don’t eat, etc), it’s 0%. As I say I’m 31. I didn’t eat any kind of vegetable from age 3 to 28. Even now, they’re only things like the filling of a burger. And I could go off anything in my diet at anytime. I could eat cereal quite happily one day, the next the idea of it would make me feel ill. Six months later, I’ll just start eating it again. This happened with chicken not that long ago. I ate it regularly, now it makes me feel ill. To be clear – I know how irrational this all is, and I do try to work past it. But it’s not a simple task. A few years ago, I thought “carrot should be ok, it’s similar enough in texture to apple” (texture is the biggest issue with me and food). Got some, went to try and eat it, threw up when it was still six inches from my mouth. Because of the way my diet is, people seem to feel they have a right to comment on what I eat and in a few extreme instances, demand that I just eat things they think I should (one that leaps to mind – an old colleague of mine one day walked up to me, slapped a tin of sweet corn and a spoon in front of me and went “eat that”, even though I’d told her I had a very limited diet). This means that I rarely eat out with people. Partly because it’s often impossible for me to find something on a menu I can eat, and when I do, I often have to have the standard thing tweaked (I.e. one local restaurant did very good southern fried chicken. They changed the menu and the only way to get it was to order a chicken burger, with cheese and bacon on it. Well I only want the chicken, and I hate being the one going “give me the chicken burger, but just the chicken, no bun, no cheese…” when everyone else just orders). At the moment, I’m lucky, in my friend group, we have a lot of mental and physical issues, from Cerebral Palsy, depression , autism, chronic pain, self harm, attempted suicide, injuries from road accidents, etc. So my friends now are incredibly tolerant. But I still have the “great, time to be the weirdo” whenever food is involved. A feeling that I doubt I’d have if people didn’t feel they have the right to comment on my food as though what I eat is somehow unacceptable.


Yea, when everyone tells you “one cheat meal won’t hurt” well then I’m having a dozen cheat meals a week. And then I’m fat again. Thanks.