A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole…

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!”

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Two weeks later the guy returns with the monkey. This time the monkey passed everything through water, and then put it in his butt, before eating it. The bartender is amazed and asks the guy about this uncanny behavior. The guy replies that last time the monkey had put a lit cigarette up his ass.

azueger

Two weeks later, the guy and monkey come back in. The bartender asks him why he only comes in every two weeks. Vet bills are expensive, i get paid every fortnight.

Speedhump23

My friends SIL got mad at us for explaining jokes to her. She was very dumb blonde. When I told them this joke her response was “what’s a cue ball?” The whole group just turned to look at her husband.

Jmazoso

This damn repost again

RelicBeckwelf

r/repostsluethbot

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