A man dies and goes to hell…

He is standing there terrified when the devil shows up. “Don’t be so scared” says the devil. “Hell isnt all that bad. Here I’ll give you an example. Do you like gambling?” “Sure” says the man. “Well Monday is casino day in hell” says the devil. “We have all the games and you can gamble all day and all night… all comped” “How about smoking, you like smoking” asks the devil. “Yes” says the man “Tuesday is smoking day. We have cigars and cigarettes from all over the world and you can smoke to your heart’s content. And nothing can happen to you because you’re already dead” “Wow” says the man” “Do you like drugs?” Asks the devil “Yes!” The man says “Well Wednesdays you can do ANY drug you like for as long as you like. Cocaine, acid, ecstasy, whatever you want, we have… and you can never OD because you’re already dead” “Amazing” says the man “You gay?” Asks the devil “No” the man says “Oh…” the devil says… “well you’re gonna hate Thursdays”.

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*What are you doing Step-Satan?*


Another classic version: A traditional monk transfers to an extremely liberal monastery. The abbot explains their way of life. “On Monday,” he says, “We have a party and all get hammered.” “Oh I don’t drink,” says the new monk. “On Tuesday,” says the abbot, “while we get over the hangover we have a quiet game of poker.” “Oh, I don’t gamble!” says the monk. “On Wednesday,” the abbot goes on, “we get some girls in.” “Oh no I would never do that!” says the monk. “Look, what’s the matter with you? “asks the abbot. “Are you gay or something?” “Certainly not!” says the monk. “Then I’m afraid you’re not going to like Thursday…” This used to be well enough known that the punchline could be used on its own meaning “you think that was bad?” One problem with that version is that it can be seen as somewhat homophobic.


This got me good.


Between bills, work and my ex-wife, taking it up the ass just one day a week might be an improvement.


Well… a hole’s a hole.