A man is at a bar in London around 1985, having a drink with a girl.

He really wants to impress her. He looks over to another table and sees none other than Freddie Mercury! “Oh my god!” Says his date, “I love him! Let’s get an autograph!” “Nah”, the man replied, “he’s a bit of a knob” “You know him?” his date asked incredulously “Oh, yeah,” he says “for years”. She is extremely impressed… So a few minutes later, the man sees Freddie go to the loo. He excuses himself from the table and goes into the bathroom too. Feigning surprise at the urinal, he says “oh my god, Freddie?!” Freddie Mercury smiles and replies, “the one and only, darling” He tells him what a fan he is, and that it was such a pleasure to meet him. He then cheekily asks him if he’d be so kind as to come over to his table and just say “hiya Tom, long time no see” or something to that effect. Freddie reluctantly agrees, and the man thanks him profusely. So, a few minutes later Tom is chatting with the girl, when over comes Freddy! “Tom, darling, how are you!” He exclaims expertly. Tom looks him up and down, frowning… “Fuck off Freddie, can’t you see I’m with a bird?” ​ ​ Extension: On being told to eff off, Freddie turns to the girl and says, “Don’t bother darling, he’s absolutely HOPELESS in bed!”

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Supposedly Don Rickles did this to Frank Sinatra.


Freddie looks at the woman and says “He’s just a poor boy nobody loves him.”


lol the extension was good


I heard an Arnold version as a kid


Peter Ustinov had a story where he ran into Winston Churchill in the breakfast room of a hotel. Ustinov had some backers (momey men) with him and they were impressed when Churchill gave Ustinov a nod of recognition. Later, Ustinov ran into Churchill in the men’s room and thanked him for giving the nod. The next morning Ustinov entered the room again with his backers and Churchill, on seeing him, stood up, clicked his heals and gave a deep bow.