A man goes to confession (NSFW)

The man sits down and hears a voice: Priest: “Tell me my child why are you here?” Man: “I’ve done some terrible things and I’d like to ask for forgiveness.” Priest: “Go on my child.” Man: “I have taken the Lord’s name in vain on multiple occasions, I stole money from my sister and with that money I visited a brothel.” Priest: “And what did you do at said brothel?” Man: “What didn’t I do? I did everything under the sun with everyone I could find.: Priest: “Alright, you need to say 3 Our Father’s, 6 Hail Mary’s and suck on the juice of 4 lemons.” The man thanks the priest but just as he was about to leave asks: “I understand the prayers, but why the lemons?” Priest: “To take the smile off your fucking face.”

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An old man goes to confession. Catholic Priest: “Tell me my child why are you here?” Old man: “Last night I slept with a young woman and we did all sorts of devious sexual things I had never even heard of before. Young people are so inventive. I can tell you the details, if you have an hour.” Catholic Priest: “That won’t be necessary, you have obviously committed many sins of the flesh. Say 10 Our Father’s and 10 Hail Mary’s, and be sure to repent.” Old man: “Oh, I’m not going to say those prayers. I’m a Jew.” Catholic Priest: “You’re not Catholic? Then why did you tell me all that?” Old man: “Are you kidding? I’m telling everybody!”

0B4986

Alright though real talk, I’m a Catholic and never has a priest ever called me “child”, nor anyone I know.

ThatOneEdgyTeen

****”To take the SLIME off your fucking face”***

ShadowGamer0953