Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?” The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?” The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

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It was death.

hemarg2000

An old couple has their friends over for dinner one evening,and after the meal the two men retire to the living room while the women remain chatting at the table. The one guy says to his friend ‟Hey,we went to a really great restaurant last week and I think you’d really like it. They had good portions for low prices,and it was all really tasty!” ‟Sounds great! I will have to check it out. What’s the place called?” The first guy furrows his brow and thinks for a moment,struggling to remember. ‟Umm…what’s the name of that flower…they’re usually red or pink…you give them for valentine’s…thorny stems?” ‟A rose?” ‟Yeah…that’s it!” and shouts to the next room ‟Hey Rose! What’s the nme of that restaurant we went to?”

Diogom11

An older couple were sitting down for a romantic dinner at home to celebrate their 50th anniversary. The old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.” “Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this same dinner table together.” “I know,” the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.” “Well,” the old lady snickered, “What do you say, should we get naked?” They decided to have some fun and both stripped down completely at the table. “You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.” – “I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied the old man. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your soup.”

TooShiftyForYou

A guy takes his wife to the doctor for a check up. After the check up, the doctor pulls the guy aside. “This is very embarrassing. ” says the doctor, “but we made a mistake with the tests. ” The guy’s a bit confused and asked for clarification. “Well, we don’t know if she has AIDS or Alzheimers.” the doctor admits. “That’s a pretty big difference! What can be done? ” the guy says. The doctor shrugs and says “Well, take her out in the forest and leave her there. If she finds her way home, don’t fuck her. “

ExistentialCrisis515

I’ve got the memory of an elephant… During a class trip, I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

elee0228