Xi Jinping calls for more “loveable” image for China in bid to make friends

Read the Story

Show Top Comments

Well, maybe if China acted more lovable, he wouldn’t have to call for a lovable image.


Winnie the Pooh? Who doesn’t love Winnie the Pooh? I think it’d be an excellent choice.


“How come nobody likes me?” *Crushes the skull of a child of muslim parents* “We need a more loveable image!” *Flips switch to give the re-education racks their randomly-timed electric surge torture* “This is clearly a PR issue.” *Tucks 8 journalists and their families into a hole and buries them alive.* “We need better branding!”


I have a handful of ideas that would make for a good starting place: * Quit performing mass genocide. * Quit killing the planet with your massive amount of pollution. * Quit trying to influence other governments with shady, underhanded tactics. * Quit trying to destroy HK and Taiwan. * Maybe offer a sleepover incentivized with free pizza. But start with first four things on the list.


1. Free Tibet 2. Stop the extermination of Uighurs 3. Stop postring with Taiwan 4. Apologize to India and stop postring with them 5. Leave Hong Kong alone 6. Allow scientists within the WHO and other viral groups to investigate the coronavirus origins None of these will ever happen, so fuck the Chinese government.