2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop…

One lady whispers ‘I’m getting a boob job’ 2nd lady: ‘That’s nothing, I’m getting my assh*le bleached’ 1st lady says: ‘Really? I can’t imagine your husband as a blonde’

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I’m… not sure that’s how you censor the word asshole.


You lost me at married


Changing her ringtone.


And she responded: “Neither can I but that’s what he wants.”


My wife emptied out the aquarium and cooked up the echinoderms for dinner last night. I guess she misunderstood when I said I wanted to eat her brown starfish.