A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed; sweating and panting. “What’s wrong?” he asks. “I think I’m having a heart attack,” she cries. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone but just as he’s dialing 911, his six year old son runs up to him and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Owen’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!” The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom. He walks past his screaming wife and opens the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there’s his brother; naked and cowering on the closet floor. *“Owen, what on earth are you doing? My wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring my son!”*

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*Here’s a variation:* A woman phoned her neighbor and said, “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are making love. It’s fucking disgusting and the whole neighborhood was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” The man replied, “Well the joke ’s on all of you, because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.” [H/T u/perfectly_numb]Waitsfornoone

I do not think I’ve ever heard a blonde GUY joke before. Well done


How did the son know the uncle was in the closet though is the real question lmao




Stolen from the typical comment in r/relationships.