Doctor: I have bad news and worse news for you

Patient: What is the bad news? Doctor: You only have 24 hours to live. Patient: What can possibly be worse news than that? Doctor: I should have told you this yesterday…

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About a month before my grandfather died, we covered his back in lard. After that he went down hill very quickly.


Doctor: I have a good news and a bad news for you. Which one do you want to hear first? Patient: The good news. Doctor: We named a disease after you.


“I’m afraid it’s bad news. You’ll be dead in 10.” “10 what?” “9… 8… 7…”


New father is in the waiting room waiting for news from the delivery room. The midwife walks out. Midwife: “I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?” Dad: “Give me the bad news.” Midwife: “Your baby is ginger.” Dad: “Good lord. What’s the good news?” Midwife: “He was stillborn.”


Doc says, I have good news and bad news. What’s the bad news? You have 6 months to live. What’s the good news? You live in North Dakota , it will feel like 10 years.