Mom had a stroke, Dad and I don’t know what to do.

Read the Story

Show Top Comments

Due to the number of rule-breaking comments this post was receiving, especially low-quality and off-topic comments, the moderation team has locked the post from future comments. This post broke no rules and received a number of helpful and on-topic responses initially, but it unfortunately became the target of many unhelpful comments.


Your mom sounds like a Wonder Woman. I’m very sorry this is happening. First is finding out if the hospital has social workers or someone in the billing department that can help navigate the non-insurance/expense part. Second, see if your dad can help access the bank accounts. That’s where you’ll find all the bills. Don’t just look at monthly but also look for quarterly/yearly so you don’t miss anything but probably best to do monthly first in the meantime. He should be able to access most if not all. Find a way to get things on an autopay so it’s less work for him but also make sure to get a handle on the expenses eg are there things that can be renegotiated for a better deal or something they’re subscribing to that they don’t even use and can be axed. Lastly they need to talk realistically about not only insurance but also about options like long term care, estate planning, retirement, etc.


Please hear me. Do not sign up for any liability for what is going on. Do not take on any bills, do not offer anyone to pay for anything. They may end up in bankruptcy and the best thing might be to let that happen. There is a great deal going on, and I know it will be a tough road for a while. Be vigilant about not signing up as a guarantor or responsible party for anything. If you need to help your Dad, buy specific things like groceries and tanks for gas. If the family business is actually reasonably profitable you will need to hire a bookkeeper to keep it running as its likely the only source of income. Your father could also work for another appraisal company for a while. Sorry to hear about your mother and hopefully she makes a good recovery.


Talk to a hospital social worker. Don’t sign anything. Painful paragraph: If there’s a chance you mom won’t make it, your father shouldn’t sign anything (agree to be financially responsible for anything) either. Debt dies with the person who owes it. A patient can’t be discharged if they have nowhere safe to go. So the hospital will be looking for a rehab because they’ll want her out. Do not let her be discharged home. “That’s not possible, it isn’t a safe environment” etc


The hospital should have social workers available. Start there. They have tons of resources for families going through the same sort of thing yours is going through now. Also, make sure you and your dad are taking care of yourselves in the meantime. You’ll need your strength for the road ahead. I wish you all the best.