What’s your best “it’s not what it looks like” story?

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I brought a hammer to the office to hang a whiteboard. I left it in my laptop bag, and forgot to take it out at home. Days later my boss came up behind me asked “do we have a hammer in the office?”. Without thinking, I reached into my bag and and handed him the hammer, still looking at the computer screen. A few seconds later I realized my boss was still standing behind me. I turned around and, he was just standing there staring at the hammer. He said ” seriously?……you carry a hammer with your laptop? are you a serial killer?”


I was walking along one night with my wife and we bumped hips accidentally. I bumped her again, she bumped me back harder and it escalated from there. For my final victory I timed it just right to knock her into a lamppost so she fell over, laughing. “Whoop whoop” a Police car had come up behind us and only seen the killing blow. She instantly started laughing so hard at the absurdity of it that tears were streaming down her face and they grabbed me to stop me attacking her any more (I had been going over to help her up, honest Officer!). It took quite a while for her to stop laughing enough to explain, longer still for them to believe us…


Senior year of high school, end of the year and it’s been balls hot for days and for some reason the AC isn’t working. I have this pain in my taint and scrotum area and I’m complaining about it to my friend next to me in biology class. I really don’t want to go tell the nurse or have a parent look at it, so I ask my friend if he’ll take a peek (this was before everyone had a cell phone with a camera to do this sort of thing) he says sure bro, I got you. The teacher tells us to split into pairs to quiz each other with flash cards for the final and then excuses himself to the bathroom. My friend and I pair up and head to the back of the lab where there’s a walk through office to the next lab and close the door behind us and move out of sight of the windowed doors and I drop my shorts and undies and he squats down to take a look as I move my junk up and out of the way for a clear view. In walks the teacher because he wanted to grab his water bottle out of the office on his way back from the bathroom, I’m standing facing him and my friend is squatting in front of me definitely looking like he’s blowing me from the teachers perspective. Teacher freezes and can’t find words as I rush to cover myself and my friend turns around and blurts out “I’m not sucking it, I’m just looking” Teacher backs out of the office and won’t look either of us in the eye for the last week of school. **** Edited to add for everyone asking ********* It just turned out to be a boil, I managed to drain it later in the shower and it healed up fine.


When I was 16 my boyfriend’s (now husband’s) parents took me on a beach vacation with them. His dad was kind enough to carry my luggage to my room and his face was bright red. I just thought he was hot. But my boyfriend came in and goes “soo.. my dad says your luggage is vibrating”. I had one of those handheld face washing devices that you put a little makeup remover pad on in my bag and it had turned on. His poor dad thought I had brought a vibrator, so I actually had my bf take it down and show them what it was so they wouldn’t think poorly of me lol. We all had a great laugh. Edit: Typo


A co-worker hit my vehicle and rather than go through insurance, I gave him an option to pay in cash to avoid an insurance hit. A couple days later he was paying me in the parking lot at night (night shift workers) and the manager comes out of the office and heads to his car. Came over to see wtf was going on. Totally looked like a drug deal was going down. lol