I don’t want to hurt my family, but I don’t want a catholic wedding.

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The wedding is your day, not your family’s day. Sit down with your fiancée and decide what it is that the two of you what and then inform everybody. Yes, they’ll all be disappointed. There’s no way to avoid that. However, it’s a choice between your family being disappointed by your wedding or you being disappointed by your own wedding. Seeing as it’s your wedding, feel good about choosing yourself.


Note OP is in Latin America. There, the choice of an RCC wedding goes beyond making abuelita (vó?) happy. Depending on their particular situation, it could also impact business and other community connections. Disengagement from the Church through a secular wedding could effectively lead to a loss of certain contacts that could come in handy for a young, married couple. I’m not suggesting that the OP value business over integrity; that balance is a matter of personal judgement. However, as an atheist, the ceremonies have no magical power over me, while the opportunity costs are worth considering.


Recovering catholic here. Family will be disappointed regardless of what you do…. Get over it.


Do the whole ‘getting married abroad’ thing instead. Spend the extortionate amount of money you would spend on making everybody else happy, going somewhere romantic instead and tying the knot there. A nice wedding on an exotic beach or something instead of a sombre Catholic ceremony in a church with Jesus Christ staring down on you from his cross. It’s *your* day. Do it how you both want to.


Your wedding is for you and the person you’re marrying, so don’t feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to/is fake to you. If relatives get pissy and/or don’t want to attend because of that, too bad for them, they’re missing out. Don’t worry about respecting their beliefs if it’s not mutual. My husband and I are atheist, had a non-traditional wedding (on Halloween), and just treated it as a huge costume party. Everyone was cool because costume party and open bar.