[Serious] People who cheated on their SO, why did you do it?

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As a guy who has cheated in the past, let me offer some advice. Post-nut clarity is a real thing. Whenever you’re feeling frisky and you wanna reach out and cheat on your spouse, masturbate. If you really love your spouse that post-nut clarity will kick in immediately and you will be relieved you didn’t cheat. If not, then you’re with the wrong one. Edit: to the people who claim they never in the history of anything think about sex with a person not their spouse, you’re not fooling anyone.

King-o-lingus

Forgive me, I am on mobile. I know this will not make sense but just know this is what I thought at the time and I know it wasn’t right. I offer no excuses only my “reasoning” however dumb it was. I was young, 18 actually, 2fresh out of foster care with a plethora of issues ranging from abandonment to depression. I didn’t recognize his love language. I didn’t understand that he did love me. I didn’t feel it. I couldn’t. But I loved him so much. So much that even at 18 I knew I would love him forever and it scared me. I thought I was thinking rationally when I told myself “this is your first relationship….what are the odds it lasts forever?” I tried telling myself it was just infatuation and whatever because I was only 18. And my feelings for him only grew stronger. I only ever felt reassured of my love for him. When he was at work and would come home to me I would be so overcome with joy. God I missed him so much. I would wake up at 9 a.m and would say *okay only 6 more hours til he is off work and 15 more minutes til he’s home, what do I do*. It’s kinda cringey now. I’d clean the place and cook and then shower and just wait. And when he would come home he wouldn’t be as excited to see me as i was to see him. He wouldn’t want to tell me about his day, he’d wanna jump on the game with his friends and to me…..I was being rejected. Sure we had our time together watching anime and movies and what not on his off days, but I loved him so much and showed it in every way possible with gifts, words of affirmation. Acts of service….physical touch. Why wasn’t he doing the same? So I convinced myself in my head that I would lose him if I smothered him. I need to chill. I’m too emotional, I’m all over him…if I chill out then maybe I won’t push him away. I felt I was doing that. Like he was getting bored with me. I had no hobbies, not really close with my bio family, never made a connection with foster parents…I had ONE friend, and I use the term loosely because she was actually very toxic and problematic but she was a crutch for me in those times, so what do I do?? I’ll use all these extra lovey dovey feelings on someone else and that way i get them out of my system so I won’t need to use them all on him…this’ll work right? I worked with a guy who I knew had feelings for me and I used him to talk to when I missed my bf. I would text him so I didn’t message my bf. I would ask him about his day so I didn’t ask my bf. Just a bunch of dumb shit that was wrong. I was never remotely interested, there was never anything physical or emotional on my end (I know that doesn’t matter but im just saying) I never outwardly flirted per se. One day my bf asked to use my phone and before I gave it to him I deleted this guy’s thread. His number was never saved in my phone. Right before I deleted the messages the coworker asked me what I was doing. I had just got home from work and I said “I’m about to shower wbu?” Then I deleted the texts. While bf had my phone the guy wrote back and said *images of you In the shower just popped in my head 😉” Bf saw the message and two days later ended things with me. I have been kicking myself and hating myself everyday for the past 7 years, 1 month and 16 days since….now that I’m older i understand exactly why I was wrong. How incredibly immature and stupid it was. I also realize that men show their love differently and it hit me like a ton of bricks later on in life. I didn’t realize how stressed he may have been paying the bills for 2 while barely making over minimum wage (U.S.A) And video games was his outlet. I didn’t realize that he didn’t take me out often because he probably couldn’t afford it but he showed me in other ways. And I barely made anything so I couldn’t afford it. I didn’t realize that one of his favorite things was laying in bed on the laptop with me next to him watching movies all night….that he’d call out not because he didn’t want to go to work but because he wanted to stay with me…or because I had asked….I just didn’t understand he showed me his love for me in other ways instead of verbally. We had our issues. We were not perfect. We were 2 young people trying to find our way but he always seemed so well put together even at 22/23 that I thought he never went through anything. He didn’t struggle emotionally or mentally……i was so wrong. I’ve vowed, swore and everything else that I would ALWAYS acknowledge someone’s effort. That I’d never ever make someone feel like they weren’t good enough. Even tho he’s never said that’s what I did….that’s what cheating does. It inflicts so much mental and emotional pain on someone….an ache they can probably never get past fully and I carry that burden having done that to someone when I thought I was doing good. Again stupid I know…but this was my mindset back then. I’m lucky enough to still have this person in my life as a very good friend and I thank the universe every day. He is still very much the love of my life. I never loved anyone before him or after him. I know they say once a cheater always a cheater, but I’d rather die alone a miserable and slow painful death before I EVER put someone through that again. Please for the love of GOD or whatever you believe in don’t do it.

Demi2013

I thought at the time the only thing wrong in the relationship was just that the sex was bad. Afterward I realized a lot of what made the sex bad was lack of attraction and poor communication. Broke up with her and never cheated again.

rezuler

Relationship was going nowhere. She just couldn’t give me what I needed. A penis.

H-Christ

According to my ex, he cheated on me because I had other boyfriends before him and he felt insecure and wanted to see if he had the ability to get other girls even though I “was his soulmate” lmao

carlyyay