On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY… ** **God Creating Spiders** God: Make it have 8 legs Angel: Seems excessive but OK God: And 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down a li- God: Give it a bum rope **God Creating Kittens** God: make them fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs Angel: that’s so swee…. God: And put razor blades on their feet **God Creating Mosquitos** God: I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces… **God Creating Bees** God: Put a needle on it’s bum Angel: Come on God, what – God: Make it’s puke delicious Angel: What the hell!!! **God Creating Praying Mantis** God: Make an insect that does karate Angel: Okay… God: Now make it bite her husband’s head off Angel: Dude, we need to talk **God Creating Dogs** God: Oh these turned out great. I’m going to want all of these back at some point **God Creating Pandas** God: Cow bears Angel: What? God: Did I stutter? Angel: ?? God: Take a cow and make it a bear **God Creating Snakes** God: How about a sock that’s angry all the time **God Creating Alligators** God: See that log? Angel: Yeah? God: Fill it with teeth Angel: Say again? God: FILL IT! **God Creating Jellyfish** God: How about an evil bag? **God Creating Parrots** God: How about like a tie Dye Chicken who screams actual words at you?

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**Creating Dogs:** Make it man’s best friend, make it athletic, loyal, loving, give it a great sense of smell. Oh, and if it eats chocolate, it should die.


GOD CREATING KANGAROOS God: stick a bag on its belly to carry the babies Angel: that’s cute God: they can only move by jumping and can’t go backwards Angel: that’s weird but ok… God: and ripped as fuck so they can box Angel: WHAT THE GOD CREATING MONKEYS God: people will think they come from them Angel: what’s people God: I’m leaving the worst for the end


GOD CREATING DEER God: “Make them run like the wind, graceful, really high jumpers.” Angel: “Ok, finally you’re making some sense.” God: “Some of the most acute hearing and smell in the world.” Angel: “Check, willdo.” God: “Oh, and excellent parents. I don’t want them to be like some of the ones that eat their young or anything. I want them to really nurture them.” Angel: “That’s wonderful. Consider it done.” God:”…and dumb as a box of rocks suicidal.” Angel: [spit take] “Aww COME on!”


GOD CREATING PIGS God: “I want them to be really cute when they’re young, with little snout and a short curly tail” Angel: “Aww, that’s adorable” God: “I want them to eat absolutely everything so they don’t have to waste a lot of energy searching for food.” Angel: “That’s very thoughtful. Now we’re getting somewhere.” God: “Make them role around in their own feces and filth just for the hell of it.” Angel: “WTF?! That’s disgusting!” God: “I’ve got it…Make them delicious to eat. That will be hilarious.” Angel: “Jesus Christ…I quit!” God: “Leave my son out of this”


God creating turkeys: God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock… Angel: Anything else? God: Hang a nutsack on its face lol