A man walks into a bar and sits next to a hitman who charges $10,000 a bullet

The man says “Aren’t you the guy who charges 10k a bullet?” The hitman replies “Yeah, thats me.” The man says “I have a job for you. I got 20k spare, and I found out my wife was cheating on me with my best friend. I want you to shoot my wife in the head, and my friend in the penis.” The hitman accepts the offer, and the man gives him the name of the hotel they are staying at. They both arrive at the hotel, and climb to the roof of a building next to it. The hitman aims at the window of the wife’s hotel room. The man says to the hitman “Why are you taking so long? Go ahead and take the shot!” The hitman says, “Be patient. I’m trying to save you $10,000.”

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The first time I’ve heard this joke the hitman only charged $500 …. The pay to productivity ratio of the hitman job has definitely more than kept up with inflation all these years


Double headshot, nice!


Need the one with more setup where the two meet at a bar and become friends before the hitman reveals what he does for a living. Makes the part about trying to save him $10k hit harder.


The next week, another regular at the bar discovers his wife has been cheating on him with his neighbor. Since the first guy had been regaling the bar with tales of his amazing revenge all week, the man asks for the number and calls up the sniper, hoping to get the same treatment for his wife and neighbor. Confident in his skills, the sniper agrees to take on the job. The man waits back at the bar, establishing an alibi, when he gets a call from the sniper. The sniper explains that he has a good view of the wife’s room, but he wants to be absolutely sure he’s got the right man before he takes the shot. He asks, what “color hair does your neighbor have?” And the man tells him brown. He asks, “how tall is your neighbor?” and the man tells him about 5’10”. He asks, “Is your neighbor black or white?” and the man tells him he’s white. “And he’s been having sex with your wife for how long?” and the man tells him about six months. Finally, the man gets irritated when the sniper asks him to confirm his neighbor’s dick size. “Look,” he says irritably, “I don’t know how big his dick is. All these stupid questions; if you didn’t want to do the job, you should have just said so!” and hangs up angrily. The sniper sighed. “He should have had a little more patience. I had it narrowed down to the last three guys.”


Is it just me or the wives on reddit seem a lot more promiscuous than they are in real life?