Billy was the first person in his small town to go to college.

After he’d been there a few weeks, he lost all his money at a fraternity card game. He thought about his options and had an idea. His father had just written him to ask how things were going. Billy wrote back and said, “Dad, you won’t BELIEVE what they can do at this school! They can teach dogs how to read! If you’ll send Old Blue to me, and $100, they’ll teach him to read! Won’t be another dog in the county that can!” Thinking that would be quite the thing to see, Billy’s dad sent him Old Blue and the money. A few weeks go by, and Billy loses all his money betting on the Homecoming football game. Knowing how he got out of his last bind, he waits until his dad writes again to see how he’s doing. Billy then writes back, saying, “Dad, Old Blue has been reading EVERYTHING … history, philosophy, science, economics … you name it and Old Blue has read it! But now, the school can teach him to TALK! Wouldn’t it be amazing to be able to talk with him about what he’s read? If you’ll send me another $100, they’ll teach him to talk!” Seeing how amazing that would be, his dad sends him another $100. The rest of the semester passes without incident, until finals week starts. Billy gets a letter from his dad that says, “Son, we’re all so excited about Old Blue! I’ve told everyone about him, and the mayor has called a town holiday to meet you and Old Blue at the train station! The band will be there and the mayor will introduce Old Blue so he can give a speech about all he’s read about!” Billy is terrified about the truth getting out, but can’t think of another option. Then, shortly before heading home, he takes Old Blue out to a field, and sadly shoots him dead. Sure enough, when Billy gets home, everyone in town is at the train station. His dad runs up to greet him, hugs him, and says, “Son, we’re all so excited! But where’s Old Blue?” Billy whispers to him, “Well, this morning, Old Blue was on the toilet reading the paper, and asked me, ‘Say, does your mom know your dad is still seeing that waitress at the …’” when his dad grabbed him and yelled, “Son, you did shoot that lying son of a bitch, didn’t you?!” By Lewis Grizzard

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seems billy is pretty sharp and doesn’t need college




I’m not sure if he did this first but there is a great rendition of this by a comedian named Jerry Clower


Poli sci major?


How sad … shooting the family dog over $200.