The five minute management course

THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE Lesson #1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, Who was that It was Bob the next door neighbor, she replies. Great, the husband says, did he say anything about the $800 he owes me Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. ————————————————————————- Lesson #2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,Father, remember Psalm 129 The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, Father, remember Psalm 129 The priest apologized, Sorry sister but the flesh is weak. Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory. Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. ————————————————————————- Lesson #3: A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says,I’ll give each of you just one wish. Me first! Me first!says the administration clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Puff She’s gone. Me next! Me next! says the sales representative.I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.Puff. He’s gone. OK, you’re up, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, I want those two back in the office after lunch. Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. ————————————————————————- Lesson #4: A turkey was chatting with a bull. I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy. Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there. ————————————————————————- Lesson #5: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut! THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE EDIT: Thanks everyone I made it to hot for the first time in my life *bows*

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I will try to live by these lessons but I’ll only remember them for five minutes


First one’s neighbour still owes him $800. The wife dropping her towel for $800 is its own transaction. Otherwise it would be like borrowing $10 from your friend who works at McDonald’s, then buying a big mac from that location and saying that it also paid off the $10.




Yah, I’m more used to the generic 90s video promoting diversity and cultural awareness or how to avoid an active shooter or not sexually harass something, those are the management courses I remember getting.


This is an anthology I can get behind