Since people say “God works in mysterious ways” whenever something bad happens, I’m going to start saying “Satan works in mysterious ways” whenever something good happens.

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Just remind folks that God kills children via painful cancer on the regular. Because. He. Wanted. It.

littlegreenmints

Yours is good. I also like this: > “There’s nothing mysterious about it, He’s not working at all. He’s playing. Or else He’s forgotten all about us. That’s the kind of God you people talk about, a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?” ― Joseph Heller, Catch 22

silviazbitch

My standard go to on that, “God works in mysterious ways”, has always just been, “Yeah, and Satan just gets shit done with no hassle.” Very rarely do they have anything to say after.

VyvyanArcher

Hail Satan! He left 15 minutes on the last parking meter I used. Hail Satan!

MrWaaWaa

It’s pretty clear that God is omni-malicious. Sure he allows some good to exist, but only to maximize evil in the long run. Same reason he allows free will. It’s not very evil to just torture will-less puppets. It’s much more evil to give people free will but create a world full of privation to incentivize them to turn on one another…

xmuskorx