What is the dumbest thing someone has ever accused you of that just isn’t true?

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Someone accused my son of raping their daughter. I don’t have children.


A homeless guy in Santa Barbara accused me of stealing his birth certificate that proved he was Elvis Presley’s son.


I went away to university. The first couple of times I came back to my hometown to visit friends and family, a then-close friend who I’d been to his house many, many times during high school kept suggesting we meet up elsewhere. I don’t really think anything of it, and we drifted apart as one so often does at that time in your life. Years later, his parents and my parents bump into each other at the mall, and I’m told secondhand that my friend’s father has finally gotten over what I did to their vacuum cleaner, and that he understands that I’m a college kid without any money to offer to replace it, but the least I could do was own up to what I did and apologize, and I wasn’t welcome in his house until I was prepared to do so. To this day I have no earthly idea what happened to that man’s vacuum cleaner or how I somehow got blamed for it, but whatever it was, it must have been pretty bad, because that guy was chill as hell when I was a kid, and I just can’t imagine him banning me from his house and stewing on the incident for years. I’ve brought this up to my friend once —who I’m still in touch with on Facebook but haven’t seen in person in something like a decade— and he claims to have no idea what I’m talking about.


I had a manager accuse me of being a valued member of the team. Bitch, I’m here for the money.


in 2nd Grade Sarah Mitchell accused me of having cooties and she had zero evidence to support her claim. i do not have cooties.