Dating Rituals

*[Found this joke on an old computer file. There’s enough here to offend virtually everyone …]* WHITE WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position. IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex. ITALIAN WOMEN First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant. Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs. Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring. 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex. 6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend. JEWISH WOMEN First Date: You get dynamite oral sex. Second Date: You get more oral sex. Third Date: You tell her you’ll marry her and never get oral sex again. CHINESE WOMEN First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again. Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen. INDIAN WOMEN First date: Meet her parents. Second date: Set the date of the wedding. Third date: Wedding night BLACK WOMEN First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner. Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner. Third Date: You get to pay her rent. Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you. MEXICAN WOMEN First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car. Second Date: She’s pregnant. Third Date: She moves in. One week later ~ her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande. The POINT? DON’T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?

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RUSSIAN WOMAN: First Date: Messaging on sketchy mail order bride website. Second Date: Pick up at airport. Third Date: Liver failure trying to out drink her.


This is an email forwarding chain from 1998


Ok. I’m convinced. Ireland it is for the coming summer holiday, as well as for all the coming summers.


One time I was at a music festival and having the best time. There was a cute petite girl next to me who kept on dancing with me and smiling the whole time. At the end of the show everyone was cheering. She turns to me, kisses me passionately on the lips, slaps me REALLY hard and then kisses me again. I didn’t know wtf was going on. Found out she was Irish.


CANADIAN WOMAN First date: salmon burgers & poutine & some Canadian craft beer. Possible fireworks later. You know, it really varies from woman to woman. Many dates: double doubles and ‘tim-bits’ at the Tim Hortons. French toast with real maple syrup for breakfast. Last date: you & her hockey-player-brother have a big scrap. As they stretcher you off the ice, you give a thumbs up and the crowd cheers. Get dental work done.