TIL A local interrupted William the Conqueror’s funeral service to complain about the church stealing his land (they did), and when attendants tried to cram William’s already fat and now bloated body into the tomb it popped, stinking up the church.

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That’s a powerful stench. I’ve only experienced the aftermath of a bloated body popping once and it was like a week or 2 later and it still stank like hell. The body was gone, but the guy died in bed and it took awhile for anyone to notice. They didn’t remove the Gore. We he popped, it soaked through the mattress and box springs, through the carpet into the floor boards.


You know I always wondered how William managed to survive in battle given how reputedly obese he was


This sounds bad — but, it’s not the WORST that can happen. This story reminds me of the diplomatic meeting to end some war in one of the Germanic countries where nearly everyone but the king died when the platform they constructed broke and people tumbled into a sanitation pit — most drowned after sustaining injuries from falling a few stories. And, it wasn’t exactly a “sanitation” pit, because they didn’t understand that concept in those days, it was a huge cistern filled with poo in various states of decay. Imagine being the poor worker who, without a respirator, had to pull the dead out and get them ready for a proper burial. If I’m in the funeral business, that’s when I break my leg or suddenly leave the city.


How is this not already a short film? Like, starring Rowan Atkinson, John Cleese, Eric Idle and Rupert Grint?


“I’m William the Conqueror, my enemies stood no chance, they call me the first English king although I come from France, 1066 the Domesday Book I gave to history, so fat on death my body burst but enough about me. To help remember all your kings I came up with this song, a simple rhyming ditty for you all to sing along…”