My wife gave me a handjob the other day using a Vaseline.

I came three times trying to wash that shit off.

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We dd not have Vaseline at home when I was a kid, so I used Cricso instead.After several weeks, my dick started shrinking.I went into a panic and told my neighbor, who was a doctor.He laughed and said, ‟You are using Crisco? No wonder your penis is shrinking.That’s shortening!”

boastfulingrate

A sale’s Rep for Vaseline was interviewing women at a local drug store to ask if they used her product. Most declined to answer, but a few of the younger girls admitted to using it for anal sex. She saw an older woman walk in with 3 young children behind her. She said “Excuse me ma’am, but could you tell me if you’ve ever used Vaseline during sex”? The lady replied “Oh yes, my husband and I use Vaseline every time we make love”. The sale’s Rep said “Wow, doesn’t having that much anal get old”? The lady replied ” Anal sex! Oh, hell no! We smear it on the doorknob to keep these little bastards from busting in”!

bowtiesx2

Q. You know what happens to newlyweds who can’t tell the difference between Vaseline and putty? A. Their windows fall out. (I heard that in, I think, 4th grade.)

JimDixon

’I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber and I immdiately shut the door..Ewe gross, I was going to eat that later, now it is going to taste like a cucumber’ I saw this posted the other day.

juno998

What is “a Vaseline”?

SpiralSuitcase