Nick had always wanted to own a motorcycle, which is why he leapt at the chance when a friend of a friend was selling his bike

The bike, despite being old, was in immaculate condition. “How do you keep it so pristine?” asks Nick. “Oh, it’s easy! Any time it’s about to rain, I just coat the body with vaseline, and the rain and mud just slips right off! Here, I’m not going to need it anymore, why don’t you take this tub?” and the guy hands over a tub of vaseline to go with the bike. Nick picks up his girlfriend, Amy, where they’re going to dinner at her parents’ house. He’s nervous, as it’s his first time ever meeting them. He makes sure the bike is perfect, picks up Amy, and they head on over. Shortly before they arrive, Amy warns him. “There’s something you should know about my family. We have a strange rule – the first person to talk at dinner has to do the dishes.” Nick thinks that this rule is a little odd, but whatever, it’s not a big deal to do some dishes. But as they pull up to the house, Nick starts to see that things are a bit worse than he thought. There are dishes stacked up on the front porch, some stacks towering eight feet high, all precariously balanced. Inside the house, there are dirty dishes *everywhere*. These people must have been buying new dishes for every meal for years, with how many dishes there are. Predictably, dinner is silent. As nick eats, he starts to feel horny, and figures that no one is going to say anything, so throws Amy to the floor and sates himself. No one says a word. A little bit later, he’s feeling horny again, and the mom has been eyeing him, so he throws her down and has his way with her too. After he finishes, he hears a crack of thunder and looks outside to see rain clouds forming. Remembering the tip about the rain, he pulls out the vaseline. Amy’s dad bellows out, “Alright! Alright! I’ll do the fucking dishes!”

Show Top Comments

How have i seen only two r/jokes posts today and they’re both about vaseline??

Wicked_Fabala

Number 45,872. Good choice.

CradleRobin

This joke doesn’t make me laugh nearly as much as it makes me want to fuck my girlfriend’s dad.

Daveyhavok832

I love that the absurd idea of rubbing vaseline on a motorcycle to keep rain/mud off is completely irrelevant to the joke. The vaseline could have been for any of the many other reasons people use vaseline and it would still have worked

tidythendenied

wouldnt it be dangerous to ride a vaseline covered slippery motorcycle in the rain? I am pcturing that game where you try to pick up a greased watermelon in shallow water, except that watermelon is going 55 miles an hour on hard, roadrash-y concrete.

Lateenriga91