Not everything needs to be a smart device, and yet someone, somewhere made the dumb executive decision that everything from TVs to refrigerators needed to be connected devices.

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They just want data. So they can sell you more shit.


I’d actually like a smart fridge – if it was really smart. (You know, in the old fashioned sense of the word, when “smart” meant something more than just “connected”.) – “That chicken which you bought on Thursday is 4 days old, so it really needs to be cooked or frozen.” – “Based on typical usage patterns, you’re going to run out of mayonnaise soon, so I’ve added it to the shopping list.” – “Dave and Karen are coming to dinner on Saturday, so we’re going to need some more tonic water.” – “There’s 100g of Stilton which has been open since last Monday, 150g of Camembert which hasn’t been opened yet, but no Cheddar.” I’d happily pay for a fridge that could do all that.


How do I open Netflix on my bathroom mirror?


I’ve got a stick-vac that can connect to WiFi and has a companion app. The app tells me the battery level and if it’s full. FFS why? The only time I need to know anything about a stick-vac is when I’m using it.


Companies will provide what sells most, and what they can make most profit on. If they can put a microchip in a toaster so you can personalise your desired brown-ness, and double the price, then heck yeah they’re gonna do that