At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter announces that due to overcrowding, only extremely gruesome deaths will be admitted into heaven today, sorry for any inconvenience

The first man comes up and Pete says, “How did you die?” “Well, I’s been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, ‘Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,’ she says. So I checks the closet, under the bed, in some dresser drawers and out on the balcony. There, I finds this man hanging from the railing and cryin’ like a six-year-old girl with a skinned knee. He says, ‘Help me, oh help me,’ he says. “Sure, I can helps a fine bastard!” I says, do I. So I gets a hammer from inside and I smash this bugger’s fingers until he falls six stories down, he does, but he’s saved when he lands on a large pricker bush. I sees that he’s not dead and I, still in a rage, I throws me refrigerator out the balcony, killing him. Right then, me heart gives out and I dies, I do.” Peter says, “Ok, in you go.” The second man comes up and Pete says “What’s your story?” The man says “Well, I was exercising out on my balcony on the seventh floor of my building when I slipped and fell over the edge. Luckily, I happened to catch hold of the railing on the balcony below me and was about to climb back up to safety when this asshole comes out, sees me, and smashes my hands with a hammer. I fell six stories onto a pricker bush and was badly hurt and frightened, but still alive. Next thing I know, that same guy drops a fridge on me and here I am.” Bored, Peter says, “OK, Next!” The third man comes up and says, “So, here I am, hiding inside my brother’s refrigerator…”

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Picture this we were both butt naked but I ws in the refrigerator


Saint Pteer decides to take a day off work, and Jesus takes his place. St. Peter explains that he should ask any person who comes to the gates a little about themselves before they enter. Then you decide whether or not they should be allowed into heaven. It is a slow day, but most people are allowed to enter. Then a frail old man shows up. Jesus urges him to sit down and starts asking some questions. . ‟What did you do for a living”, Jesus asks. ‟I was a carpenter”, the man replies. ‟Did you’ve any family”, Jesus asks. ‟I had a son. He was attached to a wooden cross with holes in his feet and hands. Then he became alive.” Jesus starts tearing up, and asks with a somewhat broken voice, ‟Dad?” The man looks up in surprise and responds. ‟Pinocchio?”


If Indiana Jones has taught me anything its that the third guy should NOT have ded, smh


And inside the refrigerator the son of that woman said: it’s dark in here


Wait why did the first one get in after confessing to a murder?