What superpower sounds really awesome, but would suck in real life?

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Reading minds, you can hear all the bad things people think about you

jub41

Time travel if you dont define how it works you’ll go back a month maybe a year and be stuck in the vacuum of space

saunofa

Having super intelligence. You might die of boredom.

Sydnel

Super strength is debilitating if you are not also super tough. You could shatter your bones just from moving with too much force.

TheManjaro

Super speed would cause any random piece of dirt to injure or kill you

libertyprime17

You are offered $10,000,000 to give someone the worst consensual sex of their entire life. How do you go about achieving this?

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7 seconds of missionary then pull out and finish on her dad

ARSEPYLON

Ejaculate prematurely, and then make them hold me while I cry.

Ted_Denslow

Having the worst consentual sex is all about the timing. She has to be into you but consent stops as soon as she says no. The key is to go in with low-expectations then fucking smash the floor

Prepwork: Need to buy something that induces vomitting. Also buy some gas station sushi, let it sit in your car for a few days. Do this after you find a girl who is interested in rubbing genitalia.

1. When you find a girl who is interested say you need to make it special and don’t have sex on the first date. Specify a time or place in the near future. Ladies love it when you plan.

2. Day off the sex, make sure you consume the sushi that has been sitting in your card. Have an eye dropper full of the vomit inducing medicine.

3. Announce you have a latex allergy and you forgot to bring your special condoms. Hope raw-dogging is okay.

4. Take on a sensitive guy approach, say you haven’t had sex with the lights on since your ex died in a tragic light bulb accident. This gives you the sneaky of night time cover.

5. Initiate foreplay. Start by kissing her nose. Only her nose. Make out with her nose. Gently breathing up her nose. She will get frustrated and then try to give you head. Bonus points if you got a microdong.

6. At this point the gas station sushi has fermented into a boiling hot fetid liquid shit in your lower intestines. Engage in tight butthole until the time develops.

7. Backhand compliment her ability to give quality head. Say something along the lines of “Maybe we should just skip foreplay and go straight for the main course.” or some variation of a bad dad joke.

8. Enter the bedroom. Timing is everything. The lights are off so you can be sneaky. Make sure consent is given and its time for the main show. Take the eye dropper and imbibe the vomit inducer. Go for doggie style but as you aim that tiny little peen straight for Vaghalla you mistake the angle and land squarely on the taint, thus beginning ragnacock. As you ram with lightspeed, let loose the diarrhea dogs of war and expel the demons from your stomach. Bonus: In between retching, announce, “Thanks for the gold kind stranger!”

9. As she turns around, cum on her face.

10. Sob

11. Run naked out of her apartment/house crying profusely saying you are too embarrassed.

12. Acquire your money.

13. Call her 1 month later saying you contracted gonorrhea from her and you are suing.

EDIT: Surprise Buttsex isn’t consent. Edited to stay true to the prompt

SelfdestructV2

Pour ketchup on her

Edit: mayonnaise would probably be better

BootyWarrior4501

Start with giving a blow job by grabbing it with first finger and thumb (think pincers) and just blowing air onto it. Then once soft try to force it into various holes with no lube while crying that they don’t find you attractive

Buttareviailconto

What shouldn’t be attractive but it is?

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My gf wearing my clothes

Myselfalan

apparently men’s forearms when their long sleeves are rolled up.

wendiggler

Whats the deal with lip biting? What does it even mean? Why is it so hot?

Tyrant-Thanatos

Women’s butts

Poop comes from there, but I also want to put my face there.

I want to thank whoever gave me gold, butt I don’t deserve it.

Buwaro

Carrying multiple chairs at once

So hot

Papa_Smurf4

The last thing you purchased is suddenly ten times larger. How screwed are you?

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Depending on we’re interpreting this: I either have 10 dozen apple cider donuts or I have 1 dozen *huge* MFing donuts.

I don’t considered myself screwed in either scenario.

mcq316

Thanks homie now I have 40 grams of weed

takotemaki

EVEN MORE BANANA

lunken1570

I now have a massive gatorade. I’ll share it

13083

I um… The last thing I purchased was specifically sized for my bike. What do I do with a 260″ dia back wheel?

Actually, I guess it depends on what was increased. Cause technically I bought that in tandem with a motor and battery. But then the question is, is it safe for me to hook this 10,000W motor to my bike?

Trigger93

What parts of a man’s life are many women unaware of?

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A single, adult male can go days to weeks *to months* without ever touching another human being.

dottmatrix

If a man isn’t in a relationship, they practically get zero physical contact with anybody.

Edit: since I’m getting so many comments about it. My response is to the thread, covering an average man. This isn’t my scenario. I don’t need a hug. Thanks though.

ALLST6R

I think women underestimate how much we need attention and affection

BcTheCenterLeft

That sometimes the ding dong gets hard for no reason and you have to pretend nothing is going on….

SilverEye265

We can be very conscious about not coming off as threatening or creepy.

ghost0427

What should everyone try at least once in their life? [Serious]

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Go somewhere with no light pollution, on a clear night, and look at the stars.

Killer_Spleen

Exploring different places around your neighbourhood on your own… You never realise what you can find until you try. Then bring someone along with you next time and show them.

ZanyRetriever

Go do a discovery flight, and log the time.

General Aviation pilot here. You probably have 2-3 flight schools within 30 miles of your house. They will have something called a “discovery flight”. You sit left-seat where the Pilot In Command normally sits, and it’s usually somewhere around $70 for a ~45 minute flight.

The instructor will handle the take-off and landing, and when you get up there, s/he will give you some headings to fly, maybe an altitude or two to hit, and then take you back to the airport.

You get an incredible view of your area, you get to FLY A PLANE, and if you buy a pilot logbook (~$10 on amazon or at the flight school), you can have the instructor sign it and have actual time logged while flying a plane–which you can then use towards your license if you ever pursue it.

Even if you have zero desire to actually become a pilot, it’s an awesome experience. Gift certificates for Discovery Flights are my go-to for christmas/birthday presents for people that I really like, but don’t know what to buy.

EDIT: wow, this blew up. Thanks for my first (second, and third) plat!

For those commenting on the price, your mileage may vary when it comes to that, but in general, Discovery Flights are operated at a loss. For example, at my flight school, C172 time is $130 wet (fuel included), per hour, and instruction is like $55/hr. So $185/hr to fly. But discovery flights are less than half that.

Taking a bit of a loss on the discovery allows them to possibly hook a student pilot who may burn ~$7k-11k in a 6 month period to become a pilot, so it’s usually worth it for them.

Some places may be more, but if you’re in an area where they’re very expensive, there’s also likely multiple options–and one probably far less than the rest. You likely have some places with a few Cirrus and a Piper, and another place with a Cessna 172 and a 152 or something.

levenimc

Look someone dead in the eyes and say exactly what you think about them. See how it turns out

RyRy27553

Kinda an umbrella, but learn a “post-apocalypse skill.” (That’s what I call them in my head.) Mine was blacksmithing. I took a blacksmithing course over the summer, and learned a staggering amount about what it takes to take raw materials and turn them into useful tools. I have a background in geology, and metallurgy has always interested me, so it made sense.

Seriously, find something low or no-tech that makes you feel accomplished. Woodworking. Smithing. Animal husbandry. Archery. Soap making. Bee keeping. Hell, grow some corn. Something to remind you where we’ve been as a species.

VinnieMcVince

What’s your version of “there are two kinds of people..”?

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Those who think “I suffered, so everyone else should have to,” and those who think “I suffered, so no one else should have to.”

whyamisointeresting

My uncle was a judge. He always said that both parties are lying, and as a judge he tried to figure out which one was lying for a good reason.

NationalSatisfaction

Those who divide the world into two types of people, and those who don’t

phythefae

Those that are self centered assholes and those who are aware they are self centered assholes.

NOT_PENIS_CREAM

There are two types of people: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data…

RogerGodzilla99

You have the ability to choose any 2 sauces to squirt out of your nipples, what 2 do you choose?

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That’s fuckin gross

Buffalo and bbq

woodelf

“So there I was, barbeque sauce on my titties…”

Fkn_stress_rxn

Sorry but three sauces seems like too much for any one man.

1-800-SUCKMYDICK

Everyday we stray further from god

SatanAtHighVelocity

I’m just imagining how painful a hot sauce would be

wylderfan

Doctors, whats it like when you get sick? Do you go to the doctor or diagnose yourself?

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Doc here. As a general rule:
– Med students are hypochondriacs
– Doctors are invincible

benbjerke

My pediatrician once told me an amusing story about when her daughter got sick. She brought her daughter in to Urgent Care (among her co-workers) and was freaking out, not sure what could be wrong with her daughter.

Her co-workers looked at her and went “… You’re a *pediatrician*…”

“I KNOW BUT I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT.”

DragonMeme

This may vary according to your country, but if I get sick I can diagnose myself in the sense that I can say “yep, this is probably X, I should do this and that test or take this or that drugs” but I cannot self-prescribe anything.

I need another doctor to prescrive it for me. No pharmacy can accept a prescription with the same name for the doctor and the patient, and no clinic can accept a request for an exam.

The only exception is for use in an emergency, in that case I can self-prescribe.

Sylbinor

My father is a radiologist. He had been having shortness of breath and chest tightness worsening over a few months. One day, after work was done and the clinic was closed, he hopped in the CT scanner and read his own CT scan. Massively enlarged lymph nodes all through his body – lymphoma.

He’s alive and well after diagnosing himself with cancer years ago!

EDIT: Holy shit, this blew up. To address FAQs: he is a partner in a private practice group that owns their own outpatient imaging centers, thus he was able to use the scanner informally. Yes, I know we are privileged to be a medical family and he is so lucky to have access to care that isn’t affordable for a huge chunk of the US population. MEDICARE FOR ALL. I’m not sure if he had a partner stay behind to help with the scanner, I’ll have to ask. And he is 17 or so odd years in remission from stage 4 non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and doing fantastic. Retiring in a month after 45 years in radiology!

MrsRodgers

The saying “doctors make the worst patients” is true for a reason. Most of the doctors I work with (myself included) wouldn’t hesitate to diagnose ourselves, and have on many occasions. Obviously this comes with some bias, but I like to think that I’m able to tell the difference between: A. This isn’t serious I can deal, vs B. Maybe it’s time to get a real work up

On that note, I have a particular anecdote:
My attending (lead doctor while I’m in residency) recently had an emergency appendectomy. He has a history of kidney stones, and assumed that acute right lower quadrant pain was another one. By the time he realized maybe this is a situation “B”, his appendix had become gangrenous

Edit: Holy crap this blew up overnight. Got a busy day but I’ll try and respond to a lot of the questions as the day goes on.

Figured I’d clarify a couple things that were touched on in other posts:

1. My attending is just fine. Got his appendix removed and was back at work the next week.

2. The whole self diagnosis thing only goes so far. Really depends on the severity of your issue and how much work up is required. For instance: if it’s a suspected muscle strain or something, I’ll easily diagnose myself and do appropriate stretches. If I’m a little unsure, maybe ask a colleague for a informal second opinion. Because it’s not that serious and requires minimal work up (essentially a diagnosis made by exam) this is no issue. HOWEVER, if let’s say “I think this might be more serious, I think I need a CT scan” or something, you can’t just do that on your own. You need to actually book yourself an appointment and get formal when up. Those scans aren’t cheap and you can’t just sneak your way in. Plus, I wouldn’t trust myself to read the images!

3. If I’m confident I have a mild infection (let’s say for example pink eye) I wouldn’t necessarily go to the clinic and waste an afternoon/money, but would just ask a colleague for a prescription for the appropriate eye drops

4. You technically CAN write prescriptions for your family, but it can be frowned upon and seen as suspicious depending what it is (ex: an antibiotic vs large amounts of oxy). It is pretty difficult to write a script for yourself though.

5. Another anecdote: In college I had significant anxiety. My dad, a radiologist (reads xrays, CT’s, etc), not knowing anything about psych issues, wrote me a long-standing Rx for Lorazepam (a benzo like Xanax). This was not the right thing, but I didn’t know better. It was essentially a band aid that didn’t attack the problem at the source (not to mention studies have since come out saying daily benzo use can contribute to end of life dementia). I didn’t REALLY tackle my problem until I started seeing a psychiatrist and got on an SSRI instead. This is an example of how it can bite you in the ass.

6. LAST ANECDOTE: I have what is called a lipoma on my abdomen. A benign, painless fat cell tumor that is, for me, the size of a quarter (some can get massive!). Really just unaesthetic, but not harmful. Instead of formal, paid work up, I went to my mom (who is an ultrasound tech) to get a free scan. Then I brought the image to my dad (a radiologist) who interpreted it as just a lipoma, nothing to worry about. So I did get a formal work up, but not through formal channels. And now I’m happy living with my lipoma care free! (I named him Stevie)

If you guys have any other questions I’m more than happy to answer! AMA I guess!

MalpracticeMatt