A guy gets pulled over for speeding and the officer says,

“What’s your name son”?

He replied. “D-d-d-dav-dav-David sir”.

The officer looks at him suspiciously and says, “Oh, do you have a stutter”?

The guy replied, “No, my dad has a stutter, and the guy who filled out my birth certificate is an asshole”.

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This made me laugh for a good couple of seconds. lol


I’ll try really hard to remember this one.


i dont get it.


I remember that this joke was super popular back when I was in elementary school


W-w-w-would you l-l-l-like t-t-t-to uh, l-l-l-like to b-b-b- (sigh) b-b-b- (sigh) b-BUY this b-b-b-bible or would you like me to read it to you?


My neighbor just got arrested for growing weed in his back yard.

Apparently my property line isn’t where I thought it was.

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I heard about a guy several years ago whose car was stolen while he was at work.

A couple weeks later he got a call from the police department to come down and identify the car.

They told him the thief had also been charged with possession of the marijuana they found under the back seat, even though he swore up and down that it wasn’t his.

The owner of the car had stashed it there.


He ain’t got no ‘Tegridy




Made me laugh, take this upvote.


Then maybe, you should chill out and smoke some weed yourself.


Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.

Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?!

Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too….and she’s the best cook & story teller in the whole world!

Dad: That’s nice, but we have a small problem there!

Boy: What problem?!

Dad: She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother!

Boy: Why not?! You married mine!

Edit – thanks kind strangers for the awards! I have never gotten them before so thanks!

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It’s all fun and games until somebody’s grandmother gets pregnant.


Why is this oddly wholesome


I thought the kid would say – “you’ll get used to it son”


Little Johnny comes home early one day and catches his parents having sex in the kitchen. His dad gets dressed and follows him to his room to have a talk with him.

“Hey, Little Johnny. You probably have a few questions about what you just saw. I was just playing a funny little game with your mom that got out of hand.”

“It’s alright, Daddy, I understand,” replied Little Johnny.

The next day, Little Johnny’s dad comes home to Little Johnny having sex with his grandmother in the kitchen.

“WHAT THE FUCK, LITTLE JOHNNY!?” his dad yells.

Little Johnny looks at him and says, “Not so funny when it’s *your* mom, is it?”


My dad used to do bodybuilding. When I was young I once tried to win an argument with him by saying that my dad was stronger that his.


If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme…

Then two of my friends would have a dollar and two of their friends EACH would have have two dollars AT LEAST. And the guy above me? He’s got tons of dollars.

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I dont have a dollar, but you can have an up vote…..does it work the same?


If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme, I’d have as many dollars as you could probably have if you checked out this referral URL and signed up for quickstart guide.


Probably fewer updoots than you might think, but at least you get be your own op.




Where do I put my feet?