Taiwan TV News Accidentally Reports China Has Invaded: ‘Please Don’t Panic’

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SORRY. SORRY. My mistake, it’s the Russians.

steve553013

They are just preparing the headline, and gauging the publics reaction for the eventual day.

Lucky210

Because of the end of civilisation, the Clamp Cable Network now leaves the air. We hope you’ve enjoyed our programming but more importantly, we hope you’ve enjoyed … life.

FluffyDoomPatrol

Next report will say “so long and thanks for all the fish”

TheSoulborgZeus

Now it would be the perfect time for a Chinese invasion.

ux3l

Texas state troopers told to slim down waistline or face consequences: report

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If you have to be fit to join then you should have to stay relatively fit to stay.

DebiMoonfae

Police should be able to run and do athletic stuff..

Snoo-80626

The not so thin blue line.

Unknownkowalski

And grow a god-damn mustache, why don’t ya?!?!

zzzaacchh

According to CDC data the median waist for adult men is 39 inches and 37 inches for adult women.

The new rule asks for 40 inch limit for men and 35 inch limit for women.

***The median US adult is overweight.

Tex-Mexican-936

Man Hands Officers Meth Instead of Registration at Traffic Stop

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I have to say, he looks the part too.

Mista-Mojo-Rising

I hate when I do shit like that.

stayathomepop7

I like a man that gets straight to business and skips all the mumbo jumbo of license/registration/car searches. Very efficient.

Tedstor

“Do you have any idea how high you are? License and methamphetamine, please.”

chownrootroot

Sounds like he really *methed* up.

Hemagoblin

China’s ‘Twitter’ appears to have blocked searches for a line from the country’s national anthem that tells people to ‘stand up’ and ‘refuse to be slaves’

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“We would actually prefer it if you were slaves now, thanks”

Notyourfathersgeek

“We meant refuse to be slaves to the Japanese. Being a slave to another Chinese is totally ok”

gandraw

Yeah that goes against being locked up and starving. Surprised they didn’t remove that long ago.

Rtrn2M0nke

Late stage authoritarianism.

SisKlnM

Just in case anyone is interested, I googled it

Arise, ye who refuse to be slaves;
With our very flesh and blood Let us build our new Great Wall!
The Peoples of China are in the most critical time,
Everybody must roar his defiance.
Arise! Arise! Arise!
Millions of hearts with one mind,
Brave the enemy’s gunfire, march on!
Brave the enemy’s gunfire, march on!
March on! March on! March on, on!

alphawoofie

Clark County Nevada school board candidate; being gay is unconstitutional

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Great time to remember that Texas Republicans fought all the way to the Supreme Court for the right to jail gay men for what they do in the privacy of their own bedrooms **in 2003**.

Lawrence v Texas.

A great way to have a laugh the next time a Republican tells you they love “freedom”.

Zandor1971

Call me crazy, but I think I’ll *abstain* from taking advice on what’s constitutional from a jackass that can’t distinguish between the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.

a_phantom_limb

>> *Carlo told the audience; “I believe the Constitution. I believe in our — our — the way our founding fathers believed in this country: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” he said, mistaking the Constitution for the Declaration of Independence. “That means that homosexuals cannot procreate. This goes against our Constitution.”*

Just…beautiful. 😂

Away-Reading

There are plenty of straight people who will never procreate for whatever reason. Are they also unconstitutional? I swear this dude is trying to resist being gay so bad that the only way he can resist loving other men is if it’s illegal.

BookoftheGuilty

Why is a school board candidate talking about the constitutionality of anything?

jjnefx

MP: Muslim man with amputated hands accused of stone pelting, his shop demolished

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“May he without hands cast the first stone.”

WhirrBuzzer

How can they go after unarmed people like this?

wunderbraten

So they just go off uncorroborated complaints? Something very wrong with that.

BernieTheDachshund

Can understand this. After all, he was still armed.

HoppityHooper

Sad, but I don’t think he’s up in arms about it!

i-opener

Emmanuel Macron exposes hairy chest to appeal to younger voters in bid to defeat Marine Le Pen

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It looks like he is wearing a faux chest hair undershirt.

DebiMoonfae

If he wants to win he needs to shake his money maker.

SuspectNo7354

We truly live in the stupidest time line.

Urgullibl

Actually, simply for the fact that this is France we’re talking about, this makes sense.

GuyFromFinland1917

…Le Pen is hairier

Chunkee1

Tucker Carlson’s ‘End of Men’ Doc Mocked as Homoerotic: ‘This is So Gay’

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> Writer Mark Harris wrote: “I am sitting here next to my gay husband living my gay life reading a gay novel as research for my new gay book…and yet I am not and will never be as gay as whatever is haunting Tucker Carlson’s fantasies.”

That’s some murder right there.

Holmes02

He created his own “The Man Inside Me”

Dr_Edge_ATX

Is this the same documentary where some dude puts his huevos up to a heat lamp for some reason?

Overlord776

It’s not homoerotic if all the shirtless guys (or fully nude men standing in the crotch tanning robot in the field) loudly declared “No Homo!” beforehand.

euph_22

The guy slowly drinking is the “hard man” that definitely makes me want to go work out. It was so inspiring.

chemprofes

Hong Kong’s John Lee secures leadership bid; says run ‘not easy’ despite being sole contender so far

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Still gotta deal with still those smear campaigns that end up with people disappearing mysteriously.

meoka2368

Of course it’s not easy, he’s had to catch a scimitar lobbed at him by some moistened bint lying in a pond.

naiets

He had to vigorously lobby and campaign for his own mom’s vote 🙁

Hadren-Blackwater

Of course it’s not easy convincing the people whose opinions matter that he’ll do exactly what Beijing wants.

Murgatroyd314

Hong Kong is just another city under Chinese control now. It’s nothing special now. It was and may be again, but it’s just another place with no human rights in China now

plant-biased

Drug Dealer Botches His Cover After Shining Laser At Police Helicopter That Was Searching For Missing Person

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There was a great video of this on you tube about why you have to be a moron to do this. Jackass was shining green laser at police helicopter, they sent a squad car to the guys house, he tried to go into the yard, sat down at a table full of people to pretend it wasn’t him, and the helicopter was like “nah, we got him on night vision, 2nd guy from the left, laser is in his front right hand pocket, yeah, that’s the guy, your hands on his shoulder. “. It’s like automatic jail time and a 20k dollar fine and they have the whole thing on video.

Bubbagumpredditor

That the drug dealer is called Narcis, is also amusing.

Crypt0Nihilist

Has to pay the idiot tax. Poor guy.

Rtrn2M0nke

This dude got a crippling dose of stupidity

DieselVoodoo

How do they catch people who do this when they DO NOT have search cameras out? Like a commercial airplane?

Icewind