Using a laptop makes it look like you’re doing work or something important while being on your phone looks the opposite

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Seriously. I got in trouble at work for being on my phone while there was a lull in work and I couldn’t do anything.

I was looking up gear for my work. It’s dumb


Reading a book makes you look smart. Reading from the kindle app on your phone looks like you are browsing instagram. I miss looking smart


Which is terrible, cause I do majority of my school work and documentation for work, etc., on my phone.

My laptop is mainly for essays.


I got called out in a meeting being on my phone. But I was literally fixing a production bug in real time from my phone while sitting in a meeting in another building.

Slack, Slack Bots, and Mobile UI’s make it possible to do things on a phone that no one ever dreamed of.

Aside from typing lines of code, I can do just about anything from my phone.


Sad but true


Everyone has an off button if you punch them hard enough.

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But they still kicked me off the airplane. That baby had it coming though


“Just bonk him on the head, it’s nature’s snooze button.”

-Stan Pines


Ik, works like a charm on my brother


that’s a reset button. Decapitation turns them off.


Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.


It’s amazing how the colors red, white, and blue stand for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness unless they’re flashing right behind you.

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Red, white and blue are on a lot of flags…..and flashing lights suck in those places too


It’s actually better than that:

White – signifying purity and innocence. *No, I wasn’t speeding, you’re delusional!*

Red – hardiness and valor. *Oh shit, he’s gonna kill me if he catches me, better man up and go for it.*

Blue – signifying vigilance, perseverance and justice. *hahahahaha*


Those flashing lights indicate life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for everyone else around you.


I removed this tweet from high school, verbatim.


Karen shares this on Facebook every third Sunday. Down vote.


“Get fucked”, “Fuck you” etc. are really weird insults, considering most of us are trying to accomplish exactly that.

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“Fuck you”

“Later if you’re lucky”


You’re assuming consent. From my understanding being fucked without consent is a bad start/interlude/finish to anyone’s day.


“Go fuck yourself!” If only…


Fuck is the English language’s most versatile word and only once does it mean sex.


“Get fucked”

Get sexually assaulted


There’s an extremely small chance that all future babies will be the same gender and humanity wouldn’t be able to reproduce just because of bad luck.

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Life finds a way


Does anyone remember the name of a movie from years and years ago where the world was run by women, every child born was female but one woman gave birth to a son and was hiding him?


This would be mathematically improbable to the point that of it happened we would have to look for some enviromental factor that would cause it. That being said it wouldn’t be a problem. We can use some of the millions of frozen eggs and sperm to generate a brood of whatever gender we need, with enough diversity to continue the species.


Only if this keeps happening until the last fertile member of the other sex dies or becomes infertile.

So lets say starting 2020, only boys are born. This would have to continue until like 2070+ when the last women born before 2020 become infertile (I‘m not sure how long women can bear children in extreme cases, I‘m guessing there have been much older mothers in the past.)

If it‘s only girls, the time we as a species have left would be even higher, as men are fertile much longer.

So enough time for literally billions of babies. We‘re looking at a chance of 1 in 2^billions.

A theoretical chance at best.


The year is 2657. You or your wife give birth to the first girl in that generation. 18 years pass, and you look outside to find literally every other 18 year old outside your house. What do you do?


If we ever discover a way to immortality, there’s gonna be some super unlucky people that die right before it’s released.

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My high school got air conditioning the year after I graduated.

My dad got a gaming console and a large flat screen tv the year after i moved out.



More like everyone that lived to die before that discovery.


Maybe in the minority here, but I wouldn’t want to be immortal.


Just imagine the people who are alive but not healthy enough to be able to undergo the procedure. Watching all the youngsters becoming immortal while you slowly watch yourself decay.

Here’s a story idea. Immortality is announced. Rich old people can’t do the procedure so they denounce immortality as a crime against humanity. They finance protests and gain a following. The following grows. Two large factions emerge. The immortals vs the rebellion. Decades pass. Neither side can remember why how it started. Immortals generally control the world and think of the rebels as terrorist. Rebels are essentially gorillas just causing chaos every now and then but they feel justified because they “are real humans”. The story would center around the Rebels and portray them as the good guy because everyone loves the underdog and to be fair, science and fashion trends have made immortals somewhat bizarre looking compared to the typical person of the 21st century.


Or super lucky. Being immortal would be just awful.


Thinking about 2009 doesn’t seem like THAT long ago, but trying to imagine 2029 seems like a lifetime away

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2000 doesnt seem that long ago.

Did 40 year olds in 1999 feel that 1980 didn’t seem that long ago?


to those who will die before 2029, it’s more than a lifetime away


2009 does seem like a while ago if you think about it in certain terms. Obama had only just been elected president, and the tea-party movement had just begun. *Avatar* was the biggest movie of the year, and the *Twilight* franchise was at the peak of its popularity. *Modern Family*, *Community*, and *Parks and Recreation* were new shows on TV that year, and *The Office* was still airing new episodes.


2009 is as far from us now as 1999 was to 2009.

When I hear 2020, my brain think it’s some far off year where wild new technology is supposed to mature. It’s actually around 9 weeks from today.

Speaking of which, in 9 short weeks the year 1990 will be 30 years away. Not 10, not 20. *Thirty*.


I’ve been around long enough to tell you what’s gonna happen. There will be a revolution in public computing that changes everything to a different format and sets the computing power of the device back twenty years. Then they’re going to incrementally re-release all the shitty software from 1999, 2009, and 2019 until it’s time to reset the cycle again.


There’s a chance that at least one of your teachers have gone home and talked shit about you.

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I was home schooled so… can confirm.


Thinking back I would think a pretty good chance


Hell, one of ‘Em did it in class in front of other students.


I have a brother who is one year older than me. When I was in high school I had a class with one of my brother’s former teachers and she actually had the audacity to call our mother and said, “how come Sir Q L8 is nothing like their brother? I just really enjoyed teaching the older one and Sir Q L8 isn’t nearly as intelligent or as put together as him!”

You don’t think I have grown up hearing that my whole life? Fuck you Ms. Bishop!


My wife being a teacher opened my eyes to just how much this happens. Nothing major but I hear about the bad children.


Snapchat destroyed all the progress we made in getting people to record horizontally

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Snapchat destroys a lot of things.

… most of those things are relationships


However they don’t destroy all of those pictures you’ve been sending 🙂


And tik tok


I weep when I see my wife record vertically.


Previously I thought: if vertical video goes mainstream and is convenient, what’s the big deal. It’s just a matter of established tradition, no need to be zealous about it. But then I tried to watch some Snapchat Originals and it’s so hard to watch, especially scenes that are split horizontally with different actions.