If everyone on Earth believed in Santa Claus, no one on Earth would receive gifts from Santa Claus.

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Not with that attitude…

paul-arized

𝓦𝓸𝔀

im_not_salty_u_are

There’s 4 stages of Santa Claus:

1. You believe in Santa.
2. You don’t believe in Santa.
3. You become Santa.
4. You look like Santa.

Dd1va

What are you saying?

FlamingWarPig

That is the shit I don’t get in Christmas movies. The parents are like ‘Santa don’t exist’ but aren’t at all puzzled that there are presents they didn’t buy under the tree

Relishedfall

It’s that time of year where the clock can read 5:00 and you can’t tell if it’s morning or evening based on sunlight.

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In some places

Rio9985

Laughs in 24 hr clock

SeymourAsces

Unless you live the Southern Hemisphere.

BleedingTeal

Military time gang!

It’s currently 20:10. I know exactly what time it is.

Cjk191998

that shock of waking up from a nap at 5 and not knowing if you slept through to morning or what the hell is happening

IamMESSEDupINtheHEAD

People always make fun of the “Have you tried turning it off and on” method but in reality it actually fixes a lot of issues.

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I’ve worked in IT for 6 years now and it’s just annoying how often I get phone calls that are no more than that quote, I’m considering making it my voicemail message…

DakelNL

It’s the first question because it fixes literally 90% of IT calls. It’s not a joke to people that work the help desk, it’s just sad.

ledivin

I think sleeping is the human version of turning it off and back on again.

whatthefrenchtoast2

I just try to be more diplomatic “When was the last time this was powered down?

ITfreely

One of my old 1SGs always thought of me as tech savvy. I would hear him yelling and cussing at his computer from my office. I would walk in and ask was the matter and he would just start complaining about his computer.

I would tell him to go take a smoke and I would have it figured out. He would leave and I would just restart his computer. I never told him this was all I was doing. All he knew was I was doing him huge favor with all this “knowledge” I had.

BoxofTetrachords

Grapefruit is a fruit named after a fruit.

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Hello, meet the pineapple.

Bjarki56

While alluding to the grape-like clusters is a popular etymology, it has also been proposed that it came from the development of the *Citrus grandis* species which means ‘great fruit’ and then someone misheard and it turned to grapefruit.

nayersman

Orange: what came first, the fruit or the color?

Edit: the fruit did, and the color was named from the fruit.

MattGibsonBass

Why isn’t this purple?

mattcaswell

And Grape Nuts contain neither grapes nor nuts.

Moleskin21

Being in a party not knowing anyone in it is far more depressing and lonely than being alone watching TV.

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You have a chance to meet new folks. Chat with folks for a few minutes and try n bring up hobbies you like, without being pushy about it. See if anyone else likes it as well and potentially make new friends! There might be folks there just like you, just got to find each other

Disasstah

Not knowing anyone isn’t the bad part. Being too anxious and self conscious to talk to people is. And it sucks. I wish I was more confident. I wish I could string up conversations with strangers and turn them into my friends. But I’m working on it, so I’m gonna try to be positive

lookin_4Answers

Nah. They don’t have any pre thoughts about u. Be who you want to be. Give a fake name so you don’t get caught up, if one group bores you hope to another and bullshit

myklpgone

Trick, pour the drinks, if there is a keg, become a master of the keg pump, you’ll get to spend short amount of time meeting some people and won’t have to try to get away.

GoneInSixtyFrames

I disagree. I love to meet new people and mingle. Im sure to find someone there that I vibe well with. But I’m outgoing and understand that not everyone is like me.

shmushmayla

Wanting to save the planet is selfish. The planet does not care; it was all lava at one time. We want to save the planet for us to be able to live on it.

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What about the wildlife we want to save

BabyYodaIsGreat

Carlin was a god.

Autistic_Avenger

So deep.. This did it for me. Unsubscribing. Been real.

ObliteratedChipmunk

I think we should “save the planet” because the natural world is a lot more beautiful than what humanity has to offer

Heresthathamyouwant

no such thing as saving the planet. it will go on no matter what we do. the big question is whether WE will go on.

Obiwan_Salami

“Like if you get it” is the internet version of sitcom laugh tracks.

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Like if you get it

Neptitude

I’m confused. Do you want my upvote or not?

FastWalkingShortGuy

Yeah, I feel like it’s pretty much the same segment of society who’d both be laughing in those sitcom audiences and clicking like because they ‘got it’

Scrambled-Jack

Like if you get it means “Everybody gets it but I want you to like my page so I can get some internet points”

dick-penis

No that’s laugh crying emojis.

MemenutGallery

49 cents is worth more money in materials than 50 cents.

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Unless your 50 cents is comprised of the same coins as your 49 cents plus an extra penny.

donaldkwong

pre 1983 pennies contain more than 1 cent worth of copper.

Please note it IS illegal to melt down currency and the federal government takes that shit *seriously*

Omniwing

It costs two cents to manufacture one penny.

FastWalkingShortGuy

It’s not about money, it’s about sending a message.

xen32

Step 1, melt down 49 cents.
Step 2, sell for 50 cents.
Step 3, melt 49 cents, keep the extra penny.
Step 4, profit.

BitchDuckOff

Rick Astley most likely makes more in a week than we do in a month just from people getting Rick rolled

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Well I fucked up apparently he only makes $15k a year 🙁

Ben_the-Human

Insider secret. Rick Astley Rick rolls people to fund his vacations.

BlankMyName

Good showerthought but factually incorrect

Kalorikalmo

hes not the songwriter so he makes nothing besides his own performances afaik

TurdFerguson416

Artists get almost nothing from streaming. Even on paid streaming services. If you like an artist, buy their albums.

phunkydroid

Sleeping is so weird you don’t move for 8 hours and your brain plays mini movies in your head

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You do move while sleeping but unconsciously.

Some persons (I don’t know if all) even wake up for a few moments, move a bit, even saying stuff and totally forget it happened the next morning.

JeanniferLunberg

“8 hours” lol good one. I wish

ofkyle

Imagine being able to use that time, like actively watching movies or playing games in your dreams

mrc00z

It’s a shame the director of those movies is high as a kite….

Bertman44

My wife would love it if I actually slept for 8 hours and didn’t move.

RhinoBarbarian