‘Well Spoken, My Good Fellow, But Let Me Retort,’ Says Congressman Engaged In Probing, High-Minded Debate On Facts And Merits Of Impeachment

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> At press time, witnesses confirmed Jordan had nearly beaten Nadler to death with a cane after being set off by a remark impugning the honor of the president.


So since the world turned into an onion article, the onion pretends things are normal


This hurts


Absolutely no one ate the onion on this one


I needed this


New ‘Sesame Street’ Character Shudders To Life As Producers Complete Ritual To Imprison Damned Soul Within Puppet

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r/bertstrips is going to have fun with this.


Damn, just beat me to it


Next they should tackle the mystery of the Red M&M. If all the other M&Ms are nuts/caramel, etc placed into a powered chocolate exoskeleton like chocolate Independence Day aliens, then what’s inside Red?

Is he the last of a near extinct race that attempts to maintain a facsimile of a stable population though chocolate shells? Is he solid? Or is he a disembodied horror powering a chocolate golem?


That obviously photoshopped picture is the most terrifying thing I’ve seen all year.


Really, the hard part is unlocking the Golemist job. Once you’ve got that, toy golems are the easiest to make, and Soulstone is a level-one Necromancer spell.


Mariana Trench Once Agian Named Worst Place To Raise A Child

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I mean, kids raised there are just under way too much pressure.


The whole article is gold, but

> competition for the worst spot in the rankings was particularly fierce this year, with the Mariana Trench competing with locations as far-ranging as Mt. Everest, an industrial slaughterhouse, an iceberg drifting in the Arctic, St. Louis, and the cone of Hawaii’s Mauna Loa volcano.


I was raised there and it sucked


After playing Subnautica, I never want to be anywhere near an ocean again.


> a median household income of $000,000.00, and an unemployment rate of 100 percent

If 0 people live there and 0 people are employed… It should have an employment rate of 100%


Report: Those Sensors That Flush Public Toilets Were Also Cameras This Whole Time

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We should’ve known when we saw the brand name on the sensor…. ICUP


I was high and paranoid enough to eat the onion this time. Dang it, streak broken.


This is what I have always maintained. That’s why you want to stay as covered up as possible at the urinal.


Mass onion eating in 5, 4, 3, …


I remember seeing a serious r/conspiracytheories post saying this