‘Well Spoken, My Good Fellow, But Let Me Retort,’ Says Congressman Engaged In Probing, High-Minded Debate On Facts And Merits Of Impeachment

Read the Story

Show Top Comments

> At press time, witnesses confirmed Jordan had nearly beaten Nadler to death with a cane after being set off by a remark impugning the honor of the president.

Goliath_The_Rooster

So since the world turned into an onion article, the onion pretends things are normal

Sprayface

This hurts

Redredditmonkey

Absolutely no one ate the onion on this one

krollAY

I needed this

canttellmenothin69

New ‘Sesame Street’ Character Shudders To Life As Producers Complete Ritual To Imprison Damned Soul Within Puppet

Read the Story

Show Top Comments

r/bertstrips is going to have fun with this.

BrianWilcheck

Damn, just beat me to it

aresef

Next they should tackle the mystery of the Red M&M. If all the other M&Ms are nuts/caramel, etc placed into a powered chocolate exoskeleton like chocolate Independence Day aliens, then what’s inside Red?

Is he the last of a near extinct race that attempts to maintain a facsimile of a stable population though chocolate shells? Is he solid? Or is he a disembodied horror powering a chocolate golem?

Still_Mountain

That obviously photoshopped picture is the most terrifying thing I’ve seen all year.

kaliflowr

Really, the hard part is unlocking the Golemist job. Once you’ve got that, toy golems are the easiest to make, and Soulstone is a level-one Necromancer spell.

phantomreader42

Mariana Trench Once Agian Named Worst Place To Raise A Child

Read the Story

Show Top Comments

I mean, kids raised there are just under way too much pressure.

TennisADHD

The whole article is gold, but

> competition for the worst spot in the rankings was particularly fierce this year, with the Mariana Trench competing with locations as far-ranging as Mt. Everest, an industrial slaughterhouse, an iceberg drifting in the Arctic, St. Louis, and the cone of Hawaii’s Mauna Loa volcano.

bog-man

I was raised there and it sucked

Kuma_Paws_376

After playing Subnautica, I never want to be anywhere near an ocean again.

_i_am_root

> a median household income of $000,000.00, and an unemployment rate of 100 percent

If 0 people live there and 0 people are employed… It should have an employment rate of 100%

the_nomad_wolf_63

Report: Those Sensors That Flush Public Toilets Were Also Cameras This Whole Time

Read the Story

Show Top Comments

We should’ve known when we saw the brand name on the sensor…. ICUP

ThunderChild247

I was high and paranoid enough to eat the onion this time. Dang it, streak broken.

meadowcake

This is what I have always maintained. That’s why you want to stay as covered up as possible at the urinal.

Colonelfudgenustard

Mass onion eating in 5, 4, 3, …

lightbringer1979

I remember seeing a serious r/conspiracytheories post saying this

realmannotcow