Trump Attempts To Ease Tensions With Jewish Community By Noting He Also Would’ve Murdered Christ

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Was bound to happen eventually. I took a big old fucking bite of this onion for a few seconds.

khornflakes529

It’s going to happen. Tomorrow.

It just has to. This is just too on the money to not happen.

HoldenTite

The Onion is becoming more and more accurate.

Rob3512A

Imagining him shooting J.C. point blank in the head on 5th Ave in broad daylight and being cheered on by thousands of people wearing red trucker hats

sp00k3yac710n

r/futurenews

ImposterBot9k

Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing ‘B.A. In Communications’ On Résumé

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Well that hurted

Bad

MarkIsNotAShark

Oof.

Real talk though: companies don’t give two shits about a BA in communications on your resume, but you can still probably use that degree for freelance PR consulting/strategy gigs with small – medium sized businesses.

frankxanders

I don’t even know what BA in communications is exactly, and at this point I’m afraid to ask.

DoktorSleepless

New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens ‘It’s Gay To Smoke’

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A classic

ModerateDbag

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The Onion is the closest thing there is to an American Brass Eye. If they were to make a serialized half-hour version of Today Now! it would be pretty damn incredible.

Edit: If you haven’t already, watch Brass Eye. It was created and presented by one of the modern masters of satire, Christopher Morris. You may recognise him from the first season of The IT Crowd and he also directed Four Lions, a British comedy about inept suicide bombers.

1stDegreeBoo-Urns

I know this is satire, but I would not doubt that

DragoniZilan

This one didn’t age well.

Professor_Wild

Chilling: This New Anti-Smoking Campaign Demonstrates The Horrific Effects Of Having To Make Small Talk With A Coworker By The Dumpster

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If that doesn’t get someone to stop smoking, nothing will.

Sanlear

Workplace smoker-cliques are the only thing I missed when I quit smoking. Can’t relate.

MassiveDrawl

Having to go through that sounds tough, especially when you’re a homosexual

Genoci4aL

That was actually my favorite thing about smoking. Having one on one time with people I wouldn’t normally talk to. Now that I think about it, maybe I’m the coworker nobody wants to talk to…

UNPER50N

Coming Clean: The French Government Has Admitted That The Eiffel Tower Is Meant To Be A Statue Of An Elephant But It Sucks

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Just noticed that Eiffel spelled wrong is elephant. Coincidence?

sturnus-vulgaris

There actually was an insanely intricate plan once to build a massive elephant statue (probably in France), complete with a trunk fountain.

You could even go inside of it, like a building.

Obviously it was sadly never built.

ems_telegram