Opinion

Your salary is your company’s monthly subscription fee of you. (8/14/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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they could get the premium version of me if they’d just shell out a little more money... edit: thanks for gold/silver kind strangers. too bad premium only unlocks for platinum-level members edit 2: well shit, that’s a platinum. guess i gotta start working harder now

quatrevingtneuf

subscription for watching someone sit on Reddit all day, company got screwed over.

notbuddy_fwend

whoa, i must not be very popular

HollowedVeri

And they can cancel at any time :/ (at will states)

i_lick_dogs

Yearly* subscription fee.

jpet12




What is the scariest story you know that is 100% true? (8/13/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Was working the evening shift at a gas station. Man comes in all disoriented. I go to help him out. he has a gash on his head and doesn't know where he was. I couldn't see any crashes around so assumed he had fallen or something. Normally we are supposed to stay inside the glass shielded register area whenever anyone is in the store. I, being a nice human being, went to help while calling the police/EMS. They got there and checked him out. They thought his head may have been fractured. Took him to the ER. I went back to work. Cops stopped back by for some coffee a few hours later. They told me the guy got hit by a baseball bat trying to break into a little girl's bedroom and was wanted for rape and murder in two other states. I never left the register area at night again.

Shadowhenge

The story of Mary Vincent always stands out to me. In 1978, 15 year old Mary was hitchhiking. A man named Lawrence Singleton picked her up. He brutally raped her, and eventually made her get out of the car. She planned to run, but he noticed, and cut both her arms off. He threw her into a ditch/ravine and left her to die. She packed her stumps with mud to stop the bleeding and spent all night crawling out. She eventually makes it to the highway and starts walking, naked and covered in blood. The first car that saw her sped away in fear. The second car was a couple on their honeymoon. They picked her up and she survived. Edited to add: I was in a rush when I wrote this, so you should definitely read more into the story, it’s crazy. From the horrific act itself, to the court proceedings, to the fact that he hardly served any time.

-spookyxghost-

One of my friends had someone following her home, hiding in the bushes so they couldn't be seen. She booked it to her house, got inside, and he was watching the house from the outside. She called the cops. They come along quietly and got the jump on him. He had condoms, handcuffs, and a knife. When they got his DNA, it turned out that he was linked to a half dozen rapes in the area. She credits her regimen of running sprints to outrunning him that night and firmly believes she would have been raped if she couldn't outrun him then.

JimmyL2014

My dad and some friends got drunk and went for a drive on some back roads and were going as fast as the truck would go as teenagers. My dad was slightly less drunk than the others and eventually demanded they let him get out. They pulled over and he and one other girl got out. He and the girl started walking to town while the other three sped off in the opposite direction. Well less than a mile up the road from where they got out is an extremely sharp turn, which they missed and hit a tree going pretty close to triple digits (miles per hour). Two of them died on impact and the only reason the third survived is because they crashed in front of a house that two doctors lived in. The survivor was paralyzed and lost his leg and part of his arm and was in the hospital for eight months before dying. This was in the ‘60s so medical care wasn’t what it is today. When I first got my permit my dad took me to that corner to explain the importance of safe driving. It gave me goosebumps about how close he was to being in the truck. He said that the dad of the driver got what remained of the truck to be hung up in the center of town for months after to be a warning to all.

justthatoboist

My brothers ex-gf had two older sisters (they died before she was born). One day they decided to play hide-and-seek or something, so anyway, they both climbed inside a chest and accidentally locked themselves in. They suffocated.

Albo2402




What can those who don’t live in Hong Kong do to support the protesters fighting for freedom? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Hong Konger here. Keep visiting us. Don't let the government have any more excuses to say the protesters have ruined tourism in Hong Kong. It really is pretty safe here 99% of the time and protesters know to protect the innocent. Edit: Just to clarify one thing as I keep seeing it in my responses. **The Hong Kong International Airport has been temporarily closed this past Monday and Tuesday, but has resumed normal operation since then.** Protests in the airport have been scaled way back as well.

Photon-from-The-Sun

Hong Konger here, First, I thank you all sincerely for caring for us. So the best things you can do is to spread the words to others in your nation, showing the government and the communist party in China how many people care will undoubtedly give them a lot of pressure. I also want to tell you guys that r/Hongkong exists and it contains a lot of information you guys really need to know. Thank you. Edit: I really appreciate all your comments, please continue asking me about Hong Kong, I’ll gladly try to answer all

We_Beat_Meat

As a HKer, I am interested in what the foreigners *think* is happening in Hong Kong right now. Since in the past few months, it's hard to find unbiased information, truth feels like it's in short supply. On one hand, you have Pro-PRC newspaper like Global Times that supports the government, report the worst bit of the protesters, calling local triad "Heros in white" for beating up protesters (Who were dressed in black), and how the protesters occupying HK Airport costs the aviation industry several ten millions. And then on the other hand, you have newspaper like BBC, or social media channels like Twitter that show how peaceful the protests are (At least initially) the police using excessive force, intentionally allowing protesters to be beaten up, and HK government ignoring the requests of protesters. Oh, regarding the title "Fighting for Freedom". The extradition bill may be the spark that starts the fire, but what keeps the fire going is far more than that, it's not just about freedom anymore.

TheEdelBernal

Help other people in your own city to be aware of the situation in Hong Kong

Elias19990

Funnily enough, reddit makes the situation seem more known than it actually is outside of internet context. I've had several discussion out here with people, perhaps 12 different people, all 12 didn't know this issue existed, and most didn't seem to really care. So far this Area 51 raid has far more presence than Hong Kongs protests, which is unfortunate.

8004MikeJones




Non-Americans, does your culture have “old-fashioned” dog names like we do in America, such as Fido, Rex, Spot, Rover, etc, and what are some? (8/14/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Snati, Sámur, Hvutti Iceland

MaggehG

In Singapore, Male dog: boy boy Female dog: girl girl We’re not a creative people.

parisbear92

Australia has Dusty, Sheila, Max, Dog and Bluey.

smileedude

Tuzik, Bobik (Russian), Sirko (Ukrainian). Noone gives them to dogs any more but they are still used in pet-related jokes.

Serend1ppa

Fenton.... Fenton. FENTON, oh JESUS CHRIST, FENTON! (UK)

Chalk_Boy




Your face is a combination of thousands of years worth of other people’s faces. (8/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Were gonna need a lot more time to get this right

TodayWeMake

Why’d I get the ugly buggers?

chasebrendon

Never thought of it that way. Brb while I think about this for the next 10 years.

twicebakd

From rape and incest apparently

ihavethebestmarriage

i think it’s crazy how one different action taken by your great great great grand parents could have potentially prevented you from being born

GladDrawing




LPT : As a manager, give praise in public and discipline in private. (8/12/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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And if you fuck that up and DO discipline in public (especially if you're wrong), then you APOLOGIZE IN PUBLIC. Looking right at you, Troy - calling me out in front of my peers then trying to sneak an apology in at the urinal. No. Just, no - you're still an asshole.

Notalentass

I’ve had several instances where one of my employees was following policy, but the customer was still upset about it or didn’t agree. Sometimes we would have to bend policy to keep the customer happy. I would try to work out my decision in front of the employee because it’s a valuable way for them to understand the decision making process. In the cases where I’ve sided with the customer, I make sure to tell them with the employee present, “My employee was correct but I’m going to make an exception today.” Then reinforce our policy so the customer understands it was an exception, and the employee doesn’t feel wrong for enforcing the policy.

Nardelan

Depends on the team. Sometimes it's better to praise in private to prevent rumours of favouritism, which could lead to a hostile and disruptive workplace. Know your team if you wanna praise any individual.

ActuallyFolant

As someone who has never heard my manager praise anyone but his two favorites, how do I get the team to share the positive stuff with each other without coming off as bragging. It helps our team when we celebrate each others projects, I have noticed, and I would like to encourage this .... even though I'm just a pleb : )

Georgiagirl678

It’s not a pro tip, it’s Management 101 I am a manager.

exfoliato




If written like a news report, what stories from the bible were done by Florida man? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Florida man beats 1000 men to death with donkey bone; gets regrettable haircut

GaveUpMyGold

"Florida man threatens to cut woman's baby in half over custody dispute"

BOXIFOXIBOI

Florida men sell brother into human trafficking and pretend he was killed by alligators.

London82

"Florida man found washed up on beach, claims to have been living inside whale"

lazydaisypaisley

Florida man drives two thousand pigs to mass suicide by drowning.

Violet_Plum_Tea




Dogs often get given the exact same meal every single day, and yet they never appreciate it any less (8/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I used to think that. Then one day, I ran out of dog food and fed him rice and apple. He ate it so fast he choked himself. When I put down his normal kibble the next day, he growled, flipped the bowl over, and went to sulk in his box for hours. After that I rotated between several different kibbles. Edit: Ok, just so thousands of dogs don't get the runs, I started off rotating food, but later settled on sprinkling other flavours of dogfood or a little bit of leftovers on the basic kibble, just to keep it interesting.

StartingVortex

Lol maybe they do, sometimes my dog just goes and sniffs it and walks away or could be happier to see its food. But if I got a good piece of meat ooooooooooh he goes crazy! Lol

CarsGunsnWomen

My dog totally doesn’t appreciate it. He eats it because he doesn’t have any other option (usually, sometimes we give him meat or tuna) but he lets you know before he eats it.

Cherry-33

You haven't met my dog yet.

Farblosbunt

to a degree, yes. But I had this gorgeous brindle mixed breed and my God was she picky. It was always such a hilarious scene when she would go to a pet store and the cashier, being as nice as could be would said “hey does she want a treat?” and I would say don’t bother she won’t eat it. And they go oh, she will eat this, I promise. Then they would come from behind the counter get on a knee all excited, give her the treat, and she would just spit it out!

LesPolsfuss




As soon as you start having kids, you have to go back to asking your parents if you can go out (8/11/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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As a new parent, can confirm. I mean, we COULD, technically go out WITH the baby... But nah

TrollerNoMore

Also think from grandparents POV - they get a short reprieve when children grow up and then BAM!!!

PLUMBUM2

That one is deep!

Imagift

Sums up social life of a parent very well. Although I find that once we are child free we just talk about the little monkeys!

Sammy5nail

My parents aren't much help and her parents live too far. We live in a constant state of mild psychosis induced by constant sleep deprivation.

twistedtruth462




Driver’s License testers- what’s the worst thing a kid has done without batting an eye while taking the driving test? (8/11/2019) ~ AskReddit

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My dad was friends with a guy who worked for the registry giving the road test. His best story was of a kid who took his test while it was raining. He started driving without the windshield wipers on. The guy figured he was nervous so tried to give him a break saying, “It’s raining pretty hard, huh.” The kid was white knuckled on the steering wheel and just said, “Yeah.” Again trying to give the kid a break he said, “Don’t you think you should do something about that?” The kid said, “Yeah.” Apparently he didn’t know where the wiper controls were so he rolled down the driver’s side window and stuck his head out. At that point he stopped the test and failed him.

tacknosaddle

When I parallel parked I hit the pole behind me, and the tester said "It's fine. This should be an automatic fail but I think that's a bit too harsh". Then I hit the pole in front of me head on. Did not pass

Mizamagician

Wasn't a kid, my 80 year old great aunt. The tester kept telling her to speed up. After a few times she said she can't see the speedometer so she doesn't know fast she is going. He made her pull over and she did not receive a renewal, thank god. Edit: LPT: drive extra careful around pharmacies. It's usually crowded with old people. It's one of the few places they need to drive to.

iforgetredditpsswrds

Last year I was making a left turn at a light, and a car swerved into my lane and hit me. Turns out is was someone taking their drivers test. I'm not exactly sure how drivers test car insurance works, but the instructor told me we had to wait for the police and take details of everything. I am guessing the driver did not pass.

mcpokey

the kids make minor mistakes, and yes, some do make scary mistakes. However, it's the adults that scare me most. especially the seniors who are up for re-exam. probably the worst test I've ever been on was this man in his 90's. I instructed him to turn onto a street "when it is safe to do so", and he turned, narrowly missing a pedestrian. not only that, but he was driving on the wrong side of the road, he came head to head with another car who pulled over to let him go. He was laughing about it, because he was under the impression that it was a one-way road. When I got back to the office with him (I cut the test short and got him back in the quickest and safest way possible), he was astounded when I told him it was NOT a one way street. Me: did you see any one way signs? him: No but I assumed you were going to take me on one. huh??? EDITED for clarity. sorry. EDIT

nightfallbear




A magical pet store is open, but the good pets are too expensive, what magical pets you find in the discount section? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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A parrot that repeats your thoughts.

m-e_2

A raccoon that does the dishes for you but has an attitude about it

critterspitter

A pet rock that teleports where ever you are

fakekrabbypatty

An old griffin with type 2 diabetes and separation anxiety.

The_Town_of_Canada

An invisible goldfish.

KingHenryDCXLVI




LPT: If the IRS calls you, it is a scam. The IRS will always start contact you through the US Postal Service. (8/14/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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damn i wish i saw this post a few weeks ago when my bf was panicking because the “IRS” called his job lol

justastrang3r

Similar with the HMRC in the UK. The only time they call you asking for payment is on a debt that you are already aware of, and have been in contact with them previously about. I got a call saying my house was going to be raided.

Growoldalongwithme

scammer: sir you are under investigation by the IRS................. me: really? what's my social security number? scammer: sir this is a serious matter............. me: bye

tungvu256

so youre telling me that the IRS is not located in india

mariog77

I've been getting a few calls a day from the "social security" that my "social is in danger" and that I need to "speak with officer please press one to retain my social".

1320Fastback




If a dog could use a computer he’d likely have his owner as his desktop background (8/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Pfft... Nah it would be a slideshow consisting of: * Food * My socks * My neighbor's cat * The USPS guy * Other dog's butts * The park * Squirrels

Santarini

My dog would have my grandma. Her life revolves around grandma visiting. I come in the door? Oh hey dude. She comes in? HOLY SHIT ITS YOU

nexusSigma

Most dogs would have another dogs ass. No doubt.

TheGlassjawBoxer

Pretty sure my dog would have rabbits...she loves chasing rabbits

Eihcal298

If cats could use a computer, they’d likely have themselves as their desktop background.

Karroul




What is your strongest held opinion? (8/13/2019) ~ AskReddit

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You can't control how you feel but you can control how you act

Eireann_9

Sometimes the bad guy has a point, even if he’s still the bad guy.

jaijaikali

Sorting by controversial will turn this post into a /r/unpopularopinion thread. Edit: woo this blew up. Even resulted in the creation of a new (and better!) /r/unpopularopinion subreddit called /r/The10thDentist where the 10th of a profession express their dissenting opinion - think '1/10 dentists disagree'. Come celebrate *actual* unpopular opinions.

ZiggoCiP

question everything. never stop asking why are things the way they are.

ArchAngel176

if you only get your information from one source, you aren't informed

emptypierogi




Non drinkers of Reddit, what do you tell people when they ask “why don’t you drink”? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I owned a liquor store, I've seen the worse aspects of alcoholism. People coming in still wearing the hospital gown.

ShrimpinGuy

Had an alcoholic parent. Turned me off drinking completely.

killy420

I quit drinking recently for health reasons. All my close friends already know and so wouldn’t ask; but I’ve already decided that if anybody ELSE asks why I don’t drink, I’m going to tell them that I’m trying to get pregnant. Note: I am a man.

abunchofsquirrels

I no longer drink because I like drinking way to much.

hangryguy

It really depends on how annoyed I get at how nosy they're being. In descending order: * "I'm not a fan." * "I have a family history" * "They don't have enough booze in the bar for me" *wink wink* * *and my favorite, the truth bomb* "Because I'm an alcoholic and if I start now, you won't see or hear from me again for, at least, two weeks"

hockeyjoker




McDonald’s discontinues the Happy Meal and intruduces the Angry Meal. What kind of food and toys are in it? (8/11/2019) ~ AskReddit

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They're exactly the same. It's just the toys now all make noise and can't be turned off.

MadcapRecap

The cashier just leans out the drive through window and punches your toddler in the face. Then says "enjoy your knuckle sandwich". The "toy" is just one of those amusement park photos of your kid getting smoked

DarkoEnterprises

Coupons for the ice cream machine that never works.

Zombieimp

Just little real life characters "Shit boss" "Crazy road rage commuters" "Angry ex wife" "Overbearing mother in law" "Policitican"

Chops2917

Hospital bills, parking tickets, -10 french fries, dial-up internet.

FrankieandJimmy




Odds are you didn’t get away with your lie, someone just didn’t feel like calling your bullshit (8/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I am a teacher. This idea makes up at least half of classroom management. Edit: Woke up to my first gold! Clearly another benefit of the teaching profession! Thank you so much!

AltBlutReinhardt

On the flip side, there's a guy I work with who just spews bullshit out of his mouth at every single meeting. But it's not my place to call him out and I just sit here wondering why the people above him don't call him out.

nahteviro

This is an important lesson for work. If you think you're "getting away" with something, you're not and if you think someone mentioning it is the first time someone's noticed you're wrong. If you're at the point where someone is saying something you're pretty much already fucked a lot of the time. Unless you work in a kitchen, in that case you'll get called out for wearing the wrong socks or whatever the second you do it.

SilentSuit

tbh the secret to lying is to do it so rarely that it is unexpected. Rule #1 of lying is that if you get caught once, it significantly increases your chances of getting caught again.

Bobjohndud

The amount of times I'm having to increasingly do this with my son is making me realize my dad was a lot nicer to me than I thought he was

nahteviro




What would you like to clear up with the FBI agent watching you? (8/14/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Turns out she was also cyberstalking me back at the same time, so we're all cool. It cancels out. edit: Oh shit, this certainly blew up while I was at work. OK so, the broad strokes: Two utterly fucked up people fell lightning bolt strike in love with each other at the wrong time had a disastrous (though now that I know she has positive memories of it, very very fun) fling, were each other's mutual rock bottoms, and then wound up furiously hating each other. Never speak to you again, ruined my life, etc. etc. This was like three and a half years ago. It all happened in about 4 months. She was a microceleb on a particular corner of Twitter. And I became that account's most avid reader (though I didn't interact). But that was the extent of it, I just read her public internet persona way too much. Even though it made me sad and I knew she probably would rather that I didn't. Anyway I've gotten my shit together since then, and about a year ago I finally forced myself to start really getting over her and quit dwelling, and it seemed like she was also getting less online and moving in positive directions. We hadn't attempted to communicate since shit blew up, and I sent a short apology & well-wish. No reply. Ah well, so it ends. I certainly wouldn't say I was over her at that point, but at least I stopped having dreams where I was apologizing. Then two months ago I get an email from her out of the blue, saying she's been meaning to talk to me for over a year, that she appreciated the message but didn't know how to respond. She's also turned her shit around. We've talked on the phone a couple of times, and it came out that she'd been steady googling me, looking at my social media, and asking friends details swearing them not to repeat that they'd been asked etc. Also, in the fallout of truly wrecking each other's lives in 2016, we both wound up moving and bouncing between a few different places, and wound up 4 hours away from each other. We're going to get coffee the next time she comes to the city. I'm hopeful but also wary of the whole thing. I'll definitely "settle" for a friendship here. She's the most interesting and smartest, (dear god, gob-smackingly smart. my plan for closure was to wait until she'd written a book and then send a letter congratulating her) person I've ever met. We had the hot fling, I don't want a second one of those. If it feels like it could be a healthy real romantic thing? Well, we'll see. It all feels vaguely like a Mountain Goats song.

boreddissident

When I googled "American nuclear power plant plans" I was just trying to find out if many new power plants were planned to be built in the US - I was **not looking for blueprints.**

Salt-Pile

If I saw it, you saw it too and you're just as messed up as me.

Asmodaeus

You can't see what I do in a private browser, right?

Krazy-Kat15

Sorry you have to stay up so late

Dy1ooon




What could have been awesome if people hadn’t ruined it? (8/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Chat roulette. Could've been so awesome to just randomly chat with someone in another country. But people had to ruin it by just having dicks on it all the time

illini02

After scrolling through, the consensus seems to be: Everything we touch

OuroBongos

Meta keywords on websites used to be a good way to tell search engines what your website is about until lots of websites started "keyword stuffing" and adding tons of unrelated keywords to show up in more searches, so now most search engines just ignore them.

Renmauzuo

Climbing Mt. Everest. It used to be a huge accomplishment and nowadays people hire Nepali people to take all their stuff and make their way up easy and comfortable. There is also a huge amount of trash and a queue..a queue at the very top.

brokenthrowaway73

The History Channel, TLC, Discovery, etc used to be such great education tools and put out great content. Now, it's saturated with reality TV shows that are on all the time.

-eDgAR-




What’s the stupidest way you’ve hurt yourself? (8/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I once went on my balcony to smoke a cigarette, only i forgot there was no balcony anymore because it was getting fixed. So i broke my leg falling one story down. Now the real irony was, my mother wanted to fix the balcony because it was old and she was afraid it might break off and i might hurt myself.

Kasekopfen

In high school I was showing off with a staple gun and accidentally stapled myself in the chest. THEN, when telling the story later, picked up a staple gun to demonstrate and accidentally did it again. I am not a clever person.

bigredcar

I was being attacked by aliens in a dream, when they backed me into a corner i kicked one hard in the head. I woke up immediately in pain, i had just kicked my wall in real life. Badly sprained my ankle, couldn't walk properly for a week.

BasslimeRex

I've sneezed and had a sharp neck pain for a week after. This has happened more than once.

SnowFortCommander

Alright, so my sister is only one year older than me and when we were very young (me 3, and her 4) we were in the bath together. I guess my mom thought this way was easier. She left to get something and my sister said that I should dive into the tub like a dolphin. Me, being the idiot toddler I was, decided this was a wonderful idea and dove right in. Had to get 3 or 4 stitches and a lifetime of stories told about it.

De-Sync_Man




You get magically teleported into the last video game you’ve played and will return in a week. If you die in the game, you’ll die in real life (blacking out and such count as dying) but you get to keep anything you’ve got in the game as well. What’s your strategy? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I stay in the menu.

entropy02

Well i'm in stardew valley so I guess I spend a week farming.

Send_Lunches

Last game I played was doom. So I'm almost dead instantly.

Wade1985

Dude, I played Animal Crossing. Time to farm minerals and fossils.

SeriouslyNotASeal

Stay inside of my minecraft house and do basically nothing but eating my overloaded chest of meat

HugaLugaBugaLuga




[SERIOUS] Historians, marine biologists, biologists and cryptozoologists of Reddit: As far as legends in history go, what legendary creature do you believe may have been real and probably existed in some way, or what supposedly legendary person in history was more than likely real? (8/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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There are many diseases that the origin of the ‘Vampire/Vampyr’ myth can be traced back to however I think rabies fits it the most. In the olden days, people would tie those suspected of it to trees, in about three days time the disease would drastically change them. Extreme light sensitivity, paleness, aggression, excessive drooling. They could/would try to attack you and have bouts of either extreme slow fatigue or even adrenaline. Also, Rabies can be passed form person to person through a bite, not just an infected animal.

LameOCallahan

The Wendigo probably existed, just not as a creature. People in the far north who survived a brutal winter by eating a family member had a psychological escape hatch for the guilt and horror by convincing themselves they were transforming into a ravenous, murderous beast. Theyd continue killing and eating in a hysteric delusion that they had no control over it. Wendigo hunters would then have to come and kill them and perform a shamanic ritual to assure the rest of the tribe that the taint wouldn't spread. Its actually an incredibly fascinating study into culturally specific mental illness. The lengths the mind will go to in order to avoid dealing with a traumatic event are so extraordinary that in that culture they would actually continue to murder and cannibalize fellow tribe members under the delusion they had transformed into a monster.

Vict0r117

The Māori people of New Zealand have long told stories of the Pouakai, a monstrous bird that was big enough to hunt and eat humans. Many believe that these stories are referring to the Haast's Eagle. It was the largest species of eagle ever to have lived on Earth, with weights of around 30 lbs and wingspans almost reaching 10 feet. It lived on New Zealand's South Island and primarily hunted the flightless moa bird, which weighed around 500 lbs. Given the large size of its main prey, it's likely that the eagle may have also targeted lone humans as well. Interestingly enough, the Haast's eagle went extinct around the year 1400, not long after the Māori arrived in New Zealand. It's thought that its extinction can be attributed to habitat destruction combined with the extinction of the moa due to hunting by the Māori.

AvatarTreeFiddy

The cyclopes of Greek mythology. Go Google up an elephant skull. There's this huge hole right in the middle of it looking to all the world like a single eye. Now add this to the knowledge that the Cretan dwarf mammoth left subfossil bones on Crete easily discoverable, was one metre at the shoulder, and could be more or less assembled into a giant humanoid.

Hattix

The Luska, giant octopus. It supposedly lives in the blue holes of the coast of Florida and the amount of food and temperature of water both support the theory of an octopus living long enough to grow way larger than we expect based on our current records

background_voices




Parents of Reddit, why are you disappointed in your adult child? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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He's 23, and mean as hell to everyone including his gf and their kids. He tells her things like "that's why nobody wants you" to her and to me he says things like "my kids don't even like you" (they are damn babies how do they know who they like yet, did they tell him and they can't even talk ) ... I had to cut him out of my life because the hurt he caused me was unreal and I was having issues in my daily life over it.

jlu742069

I'm not disappointed in my 18-year old, but I sure wish I knew how to activate him. He graduated in May, has no desire to go to college and no real aspirations at all. He's pretty much been in his room on his phone since. He's struggled for many years with anxiety, which we're treating, and I know a lot of things are difficult for him, but man, I wish I knew how to get him excited about something - anything - whether it's a job or a hobby or a plan or whatever.

FaustusRedux

Oof, perfect timing. She's currently home for the summer and heads back to college in a few days. I feel bad for saying this, but I'm honestly ashamed that she's still enrolled there. This will be her 5th semester there, but she was supposed to have failed all her classes her 2nd semester. And 3rd. And 4th. Every semester, she skips class and parties, not even attempting her school work. Then when the school goes to kick her out, she appeals the decision and somehow, I honestly have no idea how, gets her professors to bump her grades just high enough for her to pass and continue on another semester. She lost all of her scholarships and grants already. Initially, I was paying whatever tuition costs were leftover, and then was paying 75% of tuition and she got student loans for the rest. She was home for break last semester and I overheard her on the phone bragging to one of her friends about how she doesn't do any work because all she has to do is file an appeal to pass her classes. I was appalled and now that I know that, I'm not paying a dime. I just don't understand why she does it or if I'm somehow responsible for causing this behavior as her father. But, we were poor when she was younger and even now, we're maybe lower middle class. She wasn't spoiled and saw how hard I worked to provide for her. We had an agreement when she turned 16 that if she wanted a car, she was responsible for paying for gas. She got a part time job and so I got her a used car. My thought was that working to earn gas money would teach her firsthand the value of a dollar. That was the best way I could think of to teach her and give her some real life experience. I don't know if it didn't stick or what, but she seems perfectly content top keep up the routine and get a degree handed to her. I worked for everything I have, and everything she has. Her college fund was a result of me squirreling away every dime I could for 10 years. She's currently pissed at me for it, but I will not continue to use this money to literally buy her a degree. I've begrudgingly decided to take a step back and let her handle her education on her own. Edit: I really appreciate all the feedback. I honestly just needed a place to vent my frustration and never expected so many strangers to care. I don't know if she or her friends use reddit, but I may delete this for fear of her or her friends seeing it... I may be upset, but she's my daughter and I love her and just want what's best for her. Yeah, it may take some time for her to realize what she wants in life, but that's part of becoming an adult. Also, I'm not naive. I know what you guys are insinuating. Regardless of how she is doing it, the problem is that she's earning a degree without learning.

im_with_cthulhu

She has not become a multimillionaire and decided to fund my retirement. But she's only just turned 18. I give her a year or two to sort it out.

PonFarJarJar

No drive, no ambition, and no work ethic worth a damn. He's 25, he peaked in 6th grade.

basura_trash




How do you socialize at a party where you only know the host and you’re not too social? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Get there a little early when people are just starting to show up and the host isn't super busy yet. If there's just a small group talking with the host, it would seem natural for the host to introduce you to them. Alternatively, when you get there and greet said host, there's no shame in saying "I don't know anyone else here. Will you introduce me to someone?"

AlphaSarcastic

Look around and find someone who is also alone in the corner. At least you have something common to say like "dude help me. I dont know anyone at this party"

Vaganhope_UAE

Walk up to somone that is not busy or in a deep conversation, introduce yourself, ask them their name and how they know the host. Then say something nice about how you know the host. Then ask them what is keeping them busy lately. Usually an interesting conversation follows. If not, just say nice meeting you and mand move on to the next person. You may think you need courage or social skills first, but in reality just doing it anyway will give you the courage you felt you lacked and the social skills will follow.

Causative

Hey, what's up? Hey, you know Pac-Man. You know the original name for Pac-Man was Puck Man. Not because he looks like a hockey puck. But its Paku Paku. Means flap your mouth. But they thought people would scratch out the "p" and turn it into an "f" like "Fuck Man.

al-eriv

My shy ass is usually wherever the host is and I'm like a counter puncher, won't really say anything unless they start talking to me.

FultonHomes




If Trump was present during various Historical events, how would he tweet about them? (8/13/2019) ~ AskReddit

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“Met with Mongolian leader Genghis khan. A very intelligent man. Great with the ladies. Reminds me of myself”

Whooshman69420

Just saw president JFK get his head blown off. Parade went very badly, like really badly. VERY WEAK HEAD!!!

Mossparkafterdark

"The big bang is yuuuuge and the universe is rapidly expanding, FAST! Liberals hate progress."

itmightbeandrew

Just heard terrible news of #TitanicMaidenVoyage sinking.... Sad day. Very sad. Our thoughts and prayers are with the brave first class passengers. Liberals want to stop ice caps melting... very dumb idea. Ice is a huuuge threat to America that crooked Hillary will NOT stop. America NEEDS to MELT. THE. ICE!!!

wiggaroo

Fireside tweets

overlyassertive-




You are gifted a single use stopwatch that can stop time once for 10 minutes. How do you make the best use of your 10 minutes? (8/14/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I'll probably save it for "later" but actually never use it

Idk_ok_lmao

Eat the stopwatch and become time

00shithawk

* Go to Sallie Mae offices * Ask them to pull up my loans * Freeze time * Mark all balances paid

FenrisFrost

Let's be real, I'd probably just use it to sleep an extra 10 minutes before work

howdydowdypeeps

Run a 3 minute mile.

Consulting2finance




Pet owners of reddit, what is the biggest flex your pet attempted? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I have a bell hanging on my front door that my dogs ring when I need to take them out. My husky started ringing it and when I got dressed and put my shoes on, she would go lay in my spot on the bed and not go out. Once I called her bluff and didn’t get up from the bed. So she shit on the floor. Absolute power move.

deepfriedpotatos

One of my dogs used the other dog as a stepping stool to climb up on the couch. Straight up walked up the one laying next to the couch to get up there. Just blatant disrespect.

nhstadt

I bought my 10lb dogs this gigantic plush bed to put on my side of the bed because I'm tired of sleeping with them, figured I'd have to babygate them there for the first few nights but nbd. The first night it went okay, a little whining, quickly settled down and went to sleep. The second night, my girl dog, who I've had since she was a puppy, decided she was not going to stand for this inhumane mistreatment, and literally stood on her back feet and SCREAMED. I've never heard a dog make the fucking noise this banshee was making. I thought she was dying. I moved the babygate to get to her and she stopped screaming and hopped up on my bed and curled up like she usually does like nothing was ever wrong.

fabledangie

My dog hardly ever barks and is very well-behaved. When we go for walks, every dog we walk past in my neighborhood barks ferociously at him. He pees in their yards. Only in their yards.

inkishworks

I showed my new hamster to my best friend and he started pulling his own shit out of his butt with his teeth and threw it at us. The hamster. Not the friend.

AdditionalTangerine6




Students of Reddit, what was the reason for why one of your teacher’s had a breakdown during class? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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My 8th grade Spanish teacher and the freshman baseball coach were having an affair. It eventually became public knowledge and she had several breakdowns as her divorce played out over course of my 8th grade year. I had the pleasure of joining the freshman baseball team the next year and experiencing *his* own share of breakdowns from *his* own divorce

JeromesNiece

My math professor in college was going through a divorce and they were fighting for custody of their two younger children. You can tell he was irritated because he wore his emotions on his sleeve. One day he came into class about 5 minutes late and he was physically shaking. He was violently crying and apologize to us and said the class was cancelled. He apparently lost the custody fight with his ex wife.

hcubed3

Physics teacher came into class late. Walked past the podium and walked into the chalkboard. Like, he would have kept walking if it wasn't there. He then picked up one of those plastic pen things that you put chalk in. Proceeded to try and write on the chalkboard even though the pen was empty of chalk. All the while mumbling incoherently. Found out later he had a stroke and managed to drive himself to the university. EDIT: He didn't return to teaching that year and as best I recall he ended up retiring due to health complications. He was in his 60's and along with the stroke he had fallen and hit his head. Online searching shows he passed away about eight years later.

AnusEinstein

Teacher hit and killed a student walking on their way to school.

spitfire7001

My favorite science teacher in high school was slowly being forced out by administration. One day in class she stopped teaching and sat down in front of us and told us she had just been diagnosed with MS and began sobbing. The entire class got up and gave her a long group hug. It is one of my most cherished memories from that chapter of my life.

Phantomdong




What’s the strangest punishment your parents ever gave you? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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My parents said I was playing too much Skyrim when it came out, so they took the router with them to work every day. Good thing you don't need internet to play an offline single player game.

Bozzz1

For some reason my parents allowed my brother and I to have a very basic bow and arrow which we were allowed to shoot at a cardboard box in the backyard. I, being very young and very dumb, crawled into the box while my brother was firing. Parents were not pleased and to demonstrate how dangerous what I had done was, they made me lay on the couch for the whole day and pretend I was in a hospital bed.

lordofwar28

When I was 10, mom would take my NES games for a week. When I was 13, mom would take my SNES games for a week. When I was 16, mom would take my BLANK FLOPPY DISCS for a week. I didn't explain the mistake to her until I moved out.

tourettes_on_tuesday

I had to fill cut-open tennis balls with pennies. I’m still... not sure what that was about. I was innocent btw.

genetically__odd

Me and my sister were fighting after i tried to steal some of her chili fries and she stabbed me with a fork. Dad took us out back and tied us up face to face with a rope. Told us when you figure out how to work together you will be able to get out.

Dusty_Muffin_11




People who took part in an episode of Wipeout, the obstacle course, what were your experiences? (8/14/2019) ~ AskReddit

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My aunt was on it a few years ago. They flew her out from the U.K. to Argentina (I think?!?), then a load of waivers had to be signed etc. They know a little bit about you based on your job and hobbies etc, then they have a scripted sentence that they make you say before you do the first course. Apparently this took her a few attempts because it was cringey AF but fortunately for her that bit never made it to air. She got to the ‘dizzy dummies’ stage where they spin you round and then have to get across a slippery platform to the other side, and the first 3 over get to the final. Apparently it was too slippery and no one could make it over for ages, so they stopped the game, cleaned off the soapy stuff, then made everyone restart from where they were. She was in the water at this point, at the furthest point from getting another go, and the first three people to face the new non slippery slope got straight over. I think they still have a WhatsApp group and go out for drinks every now and then

NoBoDySHeRo3000

The only people who really get out of wipeout are the winners, the rest are made into special wipeout sausages Edit: first silver! Thanks

Bambooforestismyplug

10 years ago I was freelancing for a company that made Wipeout for Iceland. Got to compete and then was hired to edit the show. It was a great time. All international versions of the show were shot in Buenos Aires in Argentina. Since Iceland has such a small population only 12 people competed in each episode and 10 get to the next round which was the sweeper. They recording days are alot of just waiting around. You can't watch the others compete to see their strategy. The first course is exhausting. I fell into the water jumping between two stone and had to swim the the middle just to fall in again and swim to the end. Then the boxing wall knocked me down so I backfliped into the mud. I was so covered in mud I could barely pull myself up the ramp to the big red balls. I did a running jump and lost footing immediately, flipped feet first into the air and fell down. The drop felt forever and I remember vividly the refreshing breeze while plummeting. More swimming. Climbed up to a rope and had to swing through a cookie cutter wall. The only obstacle I completed. Woohoo. Made it to the sweeper round. It's so much higher up then you think and the platform is so wobbly. When you stand up to start the game you are running on adrenaline. Never jumped so high in my life. Was the 5th out after the sweeper caught my feet and made me tumble luckily without a faceplant into the platform or water. Since I was just 1 slot away from going to round 3 I still had to go to the recording as a backup in case someone dropped out. It was a really great time with great people.

raggiey

My geometry teacher was on wipeout and she said it’s scripted, she might have been salty tho because she lost

MagnanimousLoser

After being on Wipeout, I decided to get on Reddit and lie about being on Wipeout

Milesio




There are probably millions of cats and dogs that could benefit from prescription glasses but we’ll never know to be able help them. (8/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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My cat is about 16. She hisses at anyone more than six feet away. Also, she loves anyone closer than six feet. She has no enemies in life, I'm not sure what she thinks that blurry blob is going to do to her.

Vondrehle

We had a family cat when I was younger, and it became pretty clear that he was deaf, so we took him to the vet. They actually had a pretty accurate and involved test. They stood behind him and clapped really loud.

Shagaliscious

All those dogs who cant catch a ball in midair....we have been laughing at blind dogs for years

ahuang_6

If we can figure out when infants need glasses we should be able to figure out when animals need them.

SUND3VlL

Now this I like!

Movellon




Since we use chemicals to kill wasps, and wasps use chemicals to sting us, we are at constant chemical warfare with wasps (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Shut up before the Geneva Convention hears you

StylishDreams

Well I’ll bee darned, you’re right.

PM_ME_UR_FROG

I use an electrified tennis racket.

petey_love

Chem trails are real!

jrad1588

Closer to genocide vs minor scratches than warfare.

Collisi0




Someone somewhere might be silently chuckling to themselves at a comment you made three years ago. (8/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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"Dad, what impact do we make on the world?" "Lemme show you my reddit history and let it speak for itself"

KillingHalfAnHour

Someone also might be silently crying by themselves over a comment three years ago.

H3ran

That's a cool thought. Thanks

DeeVaZu

I doubt it. I’m not that funny

here-for-the-puns

A response I posted to an askReddit that made the front page four years ago still sends a considerable amount of traffic to my music page.

threadbare_penitence




People with depression, what is the most stupid thing someone ever said to you because of your mental illness? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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"It's all in your head". No shit, it's not like I think I'm being attacked by some physical depression monster. How do I get it out of my head, though?

Mizamagician

“No one likes to be around a depressed person.”

BumbleBeees123

"Why pay to see a therapist when you can talk to your family about it?" You mean the same family that will immediately tell everyone else what I just told them? I think I'll stick with an unbiased 3rd party who legally can't tell anyone what I just said.

HagithaChristie69

"Pull yourself together. People are starting to talk." My former wife. At that very moment I was contemplating suicide.

unreliablememory

"There are a lot of people that have it much worse" isn't very good advice. It makes me sad for them also, and I feel worse about myself for feeling down in the first place because of my lack of perspective.

Duck-Yo-Couch




Everyone thinks “Blood, Sweat, and Tears” sounds cool, but if you told somebody you’d been bleeding, sweating, and crying all day they would probably be seriously concerned for your mental wellbeing. (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Unless you're a woman during her period then its just business as usual.

wildadragon

I work in construction where I sweat in the hot sun and I get random cuts that idk where the hell they came from and I don't cry because of the cuts but more of my eyes watering from sweat dripping into them

RaganTargaryen

I think when the expression came into common use (well before the band), blood, sweat, and tears were far more common in the workplace.

dan_jeffers

i think thats the entire point of the phrase

EruditeCucumber

Is this....this is not how your days are supposed to go? Oh dear.

Inessaria




LPT: When watching a broadcast sporting event with 5.1 surround sound, by disabling the center speaker+woofer you can eliminate the commentator track and enjoy the game with only the stadium/arena ambiance. (8/11/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Meanwhile my brother listens to the radio broadcast while watching a game for the more detailed analysis.

diegojones4

They should just layer audio to allow you to change and remove layers. Like some films where everything's fine and then the music is waaay to loud. Or when there's speaking over music.

ac13332

An actual good tip instead of cut your grass when it gets long. Thanks!

jonsnow202020

im going to have to try this the next time espn tries to ruin a baseball game with alex rodriguez trying to form complete sentences and failing.

reignking1115

Finally! No more Joe Buck!!

DrBopIt




LPT: When a product breaks or malfunctions, even if it’s out of warranty or it’s your fault, don’t just throw it away. Contact the company and let them know that you love the product and ask if there are any options to replace it. Frequently, they will either offer a discount or a free replacement. (8/14/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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I remember when my Nexus 7 bricked just outside of warranty. Asus's reply was pretty much "buy another one!"

Winnipesaukee

What is the number for Chevrolet?

usdvdates

Dear Durex Company I love your product, but it broke while using it. Please send child support.

Lucrative_Bidness

Wonder if apple will send me a new screen for my macbook?

pwaz

Also with larger items such as white goods, TV's things of that nature there is a fair use period that you can argue. For example if you buy a TV and it comes with a twelve month warranty but after 18 months it breaks so long as it was used appropriately then that wasn't a fair use period of time and you can argue for a free repair even after the warranty period... Well that's the rule in Australia anyway.

Philks_85




Your balls probably think you have over a hundred children by now. (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket.

zinethar

A hundred? I'm in my thirties, I don't even have a good Fermi estimate of how many children my balls think I have

KDY_ISD

You spelt millions wrong.

kkriet

100? Sounds like a down week.

KingCole210

"Jesus Christ man, get off of her already." - Tesitcles

mooatcows




What’s a YouTube channel that’s dead now that you used to enjoy? (8/11/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Every Frame a Painting, video essays about movies. Guy decided to end it intentionally because he has nothing more to say, which I respect.

Htimsxnhoj

Vsauce

Belodri

Eddsworld. I still tend to go back time to time because of the nostalgia tho.

Kira_Akuma

Still alive, but I miss the classic low-budget sketches from Smosh from between 2006-2012.

mizbrightside

Cracked. Their older content like After Hours and Escort Mission is amazing. It's funny, insightful, and really interesting to watch if that's your thing. The presenters were also awesome. About 2 years ago, they got bought out, and all their good, original content got cut in favor of clickbait. It's a real shame.

BrilliantWeight




What’s the best advice you can give someone starting college? (8/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Go to class. It's easy to fall in the habit because of the potential fun out of class activities. It's not high school. They aren't going to come figure out why you are missing class. You'll just fail out. I saw way too many smart people who just couldn't resist the party and late night life and failed out of school. You keep the debt and you have nothing to show for it.

terayonjf

Use a calendar app to keep track of your classes. On the first day of class when you receive your syllabus go home that night and input all your important dates(tests, projects, etc) for each class.

YourMooseKing

College gives literally zero shits about you. You can skip classes, you can text in class, you can eat in class, you can walk out of class, you can avoid your homework, you can fail tests. They do not care. You need to have the motivation and self discipline to get your ass to class, pay attention, and do your homework. Edit: wow, this blew up. Okay, this obviously is a case to case basis. It depends on the school, on the class, on the professor, on the year. Your situation might be different. That's fine! My point is you are not babysat like you are in high school. While you are cared about, it isn't to the extent it has been for the past twelve years. Also, thanks for the gold and upvotes.

CrysCatCrys

Check your goddamn email Edit - thanks so much for the upvotes!! Perhaps I should elaborate a little bit more because a lot of you are making some great suggestions. I go to a "paperless" state university so everything is done through some portal or another. I have had entire assignments done through email, if I hadn't checked then I would have gotten a 0. This is my 4th year at school and I've been an RA for 3 years now. It is so incredibly surprising to me that every year i have a handful of freshman tell me that they didn't get the notice because they don't check their emails!! I have my email on both of my computers, my phone, and my tablet and I check it at least once an hour every day of the week (again because everything at my university is through email/internet). Some of you may have slightly different experiences but this is the reason behind my comment.

iJabber

It’s better to try and do something 50% than to just not try, don’t let the fear of failure stop you from doing something. If you fall behind it’s so easy to just let it consume you but you need to claw yourself out of that mindset inch by inch

Robin-flying




It didn’t matter what abandoned house they were in, Scooby and shaggy always managed to find fresh produce in the fridge for sandwiches. (8/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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If anything, they were the smartest ones out of all of them. Want to know if it’s really a ghost? Look in the fridge. Is there food there? Then you don’t have a ghost, because they don’t eat. Case closed. It was Old Man Jenkins....again.

secretagentsquirrel1

Shaggy: "Like, let's check out the ol' snack stand Scoob. There's gotta be one in this abandoned amusement park." Scooby: "Reah! Mmm, mmm. Runnel Rakes and Ramburgers! Yee hee hee he." Shaggy: "Look Scoob! There it is! Ohh ho boy! I hope they have french fries!" *Shaggy and Scooby enter and start rummaging through the fridges tossing out food. Some lands on the monster which has just appeared behind Shaggy in the frame* Scooby : *shivering and pointing behind shaggy with ears up* "Ra-Ra-ROAST!" Shaggy : "Roast? Ha ha ol' buddy I don't think they'll have a roast, but we can check! Ha ha!" Scooby: "Raggy! No a RHOST! A RHOST!" *Scooby mimes the monster* Shaggy: *gulps* "A gh-gh-ghost? Like, we're sorry man, we'll just take it to go!" *Shaggy and Scooby grab all the food they can and dash past the monster as he reaches out in a clumsy bear hug* Monster: "GNAARRRRGR!" *Chase music starts, Scooby and Shaggy avoid the monster in paradoxical manuvers*

CaptainPiracy

Stoners will always find quality munchies. No exceptions.

Greycloak42

The creepy caretaker had to eat *something*.

EdgewoodJackson

Every episode was sponsored by Subway.

w1ncestu0s




A microwave would still be 100% useable if its only button was “add 30 seconds” (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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That's literally the only button I use.

perpandacular

At my work the only button that works is the +30 sec button. When we make baked (actually steamed) potatoes in the microwave, we have to hit it sixteen times. The game is to say a different number to try to fuck up people’s count.

weirdlyconjured

This noob doesn’t know about power levels

civil_politician

My roommate and I would just put hours on the microwave and then all you had to do was hit start.

datbeerdude

I have a microwave from the early 2000s ..It doesn't even have buttons, It literally has 2 turning wheels, 1 is for power (it has 5 lvls.. no watts.. just 1..2..3..4...5) and the other is for time. In minutes. Can go up to 48. That's it.

Hoodie_010




If all the photoshop, makeup and filters didn’t exist. Everyone’s standards will be lower and everyone will be 10x sexier (8/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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You've probably seen more naked women than your entire family line combined.

kismethavok

If everyone is ten times sexier, then it's like everyone is exactly the same as they are now. You can't just change the scale to give everyone a better number and yell bazinga.

Terretzz

10 x 0 is still a big zero for me

SandwichConsumptor

This is kind of a form of the prisoner's dilemma. If no one wears makeup, everyone is beautiful. If some people wear makeup, they are beautiful while the others are ugly. If everyone wears makeup, everyone looks average. This is obviously over simplifying, but I like the comparison so I'm sticking with it. If you don't know the prisoner's dilemma, just ask me and I'll tell you to Google it.

Fuibo2k

There has been imposible standards way before Photoshop or edition tools.

phi_array




The man who started the tradition of men not planning weddings was a genius (8/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Until he saw the bill.

Shanka-DaWanka

Traditionally he is supposed to plan the honeymoon

StormChaser8

The tradition of men not being allowed at baby showers is my very favorite.

LorenaBobbedIt

"If you're not going to help me with any of the wedding planning maybe I should just make you plan the whole thing!" "Cool, what time can you be at the courthouse tomorrow?"

diogenesofthemidwest

I actually enjoyed helping my wife plan our wedding. It took a lot of uneeded stress off of her.

FORKNIFE_CATTLEBROIL




People of reddit, what would you do if you had to kill six hours of time at a train station? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Start walking and get on the train half way.

Mortta321

1. Take a train in the different direction, 2. get off after 3 hours and take the train you originally intended to get on. 3. ??? 4. Profit. You now spent 0 hours at the train station.

earlson

Explore the area, start a colony, invade Poland etc

DonnieBeRascal

1. Take a selfie in front of an easily recognizable location. 2. Set that selfie as your default image on Facebook. 3. Download and sign in to Tinder. 4. Set your match distance to one mile. 5. Write in your profile that you'll be waiting at the depicted location. 6. Start matching with people. 7. Discreetly record the goings-on when folks come to meet you. 8. Publish the results to YouTube with the title "Triple Tinder Match GONE WRONG! (GONE TRAIN STATION!!!)" or something similar. 9. Monetize the video. 10. Post a link to the video on various social media platforms. **TL:DR: Fun and profit.**

RamsesThePigeon

Years back, my friend and I were backpacking through Europe, and the train out of Rome was so delayed that it didn’t arrive and we were kicked out of the station at midnight, had to wait until it opened at (6? 7am? Somewhere near there) to catch the first train out. I’m American, and had planned on sleeping on that train ride. Nearby hostels in Rome were all filled, and I didn’t want to spend the extra cash on a hotel room. (Airbnb wasn’t as big back then) So, my friend and I hung around outside with other people who were kicked out. Talked to people. Read a small book I’d tucked away. Met some lovely students from Portugal who were also traveling and about our age. We shared stories and childhood clapping games and eventually got up and started teaching each other dance moves. My friend and I taught them some swing dancing moves and spins, and we learned some sort of cooperative circular line dance. We continued just hanging out until the McDonald’s nearby opened at 5am, and we moved to the air conditioning to eat chicken nuggets and shift the conversation to our own local foods and what we eat during holidays. Holiday customs. Old Tv shows. For 6 hours, we acted like we’d been friends for years, and would be friends for forever. We had each other’s backs when trying to decipher Italian, and dissuading belligerent other people who approached in the dark of early morning. And when our trains arrived, we waved goodbye, reminded each other to try xyz foods, and then never saw each other again. I remember them fondly, and can honestly say I fell in love with them a little. I’d never recognize them, I’ve forgotten their names, but I’ll never forget the excitement on their faces when it “clicked” how to swing dance, or their jokingly stern expression when demanding that we try Portuguese savory pies. So.... when I’m stuck at a place, or if I go to an event alone, I try to make “Single Serving Friends” - people who you can fall for just a little, and then say goodbye and hold their memory in your heart. EDIT: some people brought up that apparently “Single Serving Friend” is a Fight Club reference. I didn’t realize! I’ve been using that term for years, and haven’t seen that movie in a very long time. People that you meet for a short time and click with instantly, and then never see again - they tend to make lasting impacts that can change your view of the world forever. The movie, I think, makes it sound shallow and pointless - bland like airplane food, but I truly believe these moments are incredibly valuable and worthwhile. :/

daitoshi




The spiders in Harry Potter were terrified of basilisks because they have 360 degree vision and cannot shut their eyes. (8/11/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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That’s only slightly horrifying.

TheNerdBurglar

On the bright side: nobody can surprise a spider with a Mississippi Back Burner. The spider sees all.

GreenSaltMedia

This post makes spider sense. And may explain it.

WrongEinstein

Everyone fears the Basilisk. Also spiders don't have 360 degree vision.

Rheanar

They didn’t have 360 degree vision. This is a bad shower thought.

_theLittlePrince




Humans are designed to learn through experience yet the education system has made it so we get no experience (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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The modern education system formed in the industrial revolution to train children for a lifetime of factory work (which was appropriate at the time). One supervisor in the front and a bell telling them when to go on break and get back to work. Things are much different today, with factory jobs being run mainly by machines. Kids are leaving schools confused because no one is giving them instructions. How do you convince someone to pursue what interests them when they've been tuned to just take orders and complete premade tasks their whole life?

CarpRunner

Even worse: The human brain learns most and quickest by failing something, but schools punish for failing and induce fear of it. Edit: my first silver! Thank you kind stranger! 🙂

Faceglitch_Gaming

When I was at school I was amazed to learn so many different things, yet the work they gave was always so pure shit that it made me loathe school.

Hydrographe

I would say, we experience many different things. Math, science, social skills, cooking, basic mechanics, writing, etc.

Belly84

People are always so negative about schools on here, but I'm not sure what they think school should be. You spend 1 week actually working every possible job from the time you start grade 1 until the end of grade 12? Is that an ideal learning system?

CalgaryChris77




LPT: If someone is treating you to a meal and you’re wondering how much you should spend, ask them what they’re ordering to get a better idea of the range. (8/15/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Not that you are wrong - but if I am the one paying, I would hope my guests will get whatever they want and not base it off what I am ordering.

ifyourwetholla

Conversely, if you're treating someone to a meal, casually mention one of the more expensive items on the menu and say it looks good.

breakwater99

If you're treating someone. Make that fact known at the end of the meal. That way the recipient doesn't have to worry about what to order and if what they're ordering is reasonable.

jerk_twistie

I've found a weird transition at thirty five, we've got jobs and houses what's six bucks. I had lunch with a friend today and she had carne asada and I had chile relleno. The waiter ran our cards opposite and she felt terrible that hers was twice as much and promised to treat me. I told her I'm sure over the course of our friendship it will come out even. She's thirty four, hasn't come to that realization yet.

jlw52

Life pro tip: don't offer to take someone out to eat somewhere you can't afford.

Evipicc




LPT: When you are handed a claim ticket for anything (dry cleaning, luggage, valet parking, etc.) immediately take a picture of it with your phone. That way, if it becomes lost you can still claim your property without a hassle. (8/15/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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And then post it on r/pics and watch it rise to the front page

pictureBigger

Take a picture of your hotel room number. Saved me a few times in Vegas.

PanisBaster

Also take pictures of your luggage, especially if you're taking a bunch of connections.

Hostileovaries

Just don’t lose your phone

hooter1112

This is a good habit to get into. I do it for expense reporting. I used a tool on my iPhone called Tiny Scanner that turns the image into a PDF and emails it to you as well. There's a free version of the app, but I paid for the 'plus' version. Once something is PDF, you can OCR it and search. Very useful.

TheContrarian2




You know you’re a grownup when you start thinking of business trips as little all-expenses-paid vacations where you have to work but get to eat out a lot. (8/14/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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They can turn from fun to complete shit quickly.

Social_Firestarter

I used to love business trips when I first started going on them. Now I hate them. It feels like days stolen from my regular life, so when I come home I have to catch up on everything that would have been done while home (laundry, yard work, social life, etc.) Maybe this mindset is peak grown up?

Thechosendick

a buddy was pretty high up in the corporate org charts and made a number of biz trips to europe and asia. he said it was all airports, hotels, meeting rooms, factory visits, and biz dinners he wants to go back someday and actually see some of the cities he's been to

nucumber

More like > you know you’re still in your 20s

despalicious

> You know you are overworked when you thinking of business trips as little all expense paid vacations...

topoftheworldIAM




What do you like most about yourself? (8/14/2019) ~ AskReddit

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My sense of humour and ability to make myself laugh and nobody else

JonReis7347

I don’t really like myself that much but I have excellent calves. So I got that going for me.

bitterbuffaloheart

My mom was an animal hoarder (mostly cats) and of course we'd have kittens every once in a while. My bedroom was always spotless so any litter of kittens we had would stay in there with me. I took very good care of kittens and trained them very well. The kittens would run to me instead if their own mother. Anyone who had adopted my kittens said they were the best, most well behaved cats they ever had. So I guess one thing I like about myself is how good I am with cats. I'd love to be a cat fosterer but do not have the time or money.

gigabytestarship

I can get on with anyone. I'm a 31 year old male who loves playing video games and watching sci-fi movies yet some of my closest friends include a women in her 50s who is really into fashion, a guy in his late 40s who is mad about sport and a guy barely into his twenties who is really into cars. We share absolutely nothing in common but it always gives us lots of different things to talk about. Edit: Thanks for the kind comments folks 🙂 As a lot of people are asking how we met I'll post a reply I wrote to someone else below. Women in her 50s who is really into fashion - on the train from work. Her husband is medically retired so they can't travel far and spend their free time going to the best restaurants. She always sends me pictures of all their meals and asks what I would have ordered from the menu. They are so passionate about food and give absolutely zero thought about something being unhealthy (neither of them are big) so every few months we get together and go some place nice and order food for 10 because they like to try as much as they can from the menu. Guy in his late 40s who is mad about sport - we were both waiting for our partner in the dressing room and he was getting mad about his fantasy football team with the live updates. I ended up following football after and joined his league and he thought me a lot about it and I ended up winning their 40 man league of veterans the following season. Guy barely into his twenties who is really into cars - I sold him some video games and we got talking about his new car as I've never really cared for them and drive an old banger. He was showing me his huge electronic dashboard and when I was next looking for a car he helped me out.

Hello_From_Pluto

I like that I'm generally a nice person. Low bar ik, but way too many people are mean in the attempts of being a 'savage'. I'd rather be someone who made you smile. Happy cake day!

MusingLife




What’s your favourite “go fuck yourself” saying of all time? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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"Go fuck yourself" "Fuck me yourself you coward"

LittleRedLamps

I envy all the people who have never met you.

xXWestinghouseXx

My lawyer friend told me that a tactic is to send a very mean, demanding email to opposing counsel at 4:30 on a Friday (especially of a long weekend). When this happens to him, he usually answers back that he understands what they're doing, how unprofessional it is and to, "govern yourself accordingly". "Govern yourself accordingly" is lawyer talk for "go fuck yourself", and I love it. Edit: Counsel* not council

Nedward_Schneebly

You are as smart as you look

arthuraily

“Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

mousicle




The average person could probably hardly create any modern tech if they got sent back in time (8/11/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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The average person can't use Outlook effectively, so I must agree with you. Edit: ITT: people who have never had a job that forces you to use Outlook.

lady-patience

Even the most basic understanding of sanitation and the germ theory of disease would save countless lives.

somerandom995

As others have pointed out that’s quite likely. But there’s another piece to that puzzle. Many technological advances couldn’t happen until other innovations preceded them. So the further back you go the less likely it is you could make anything modern. Not without knowing even more things. We’ve weaved a complex web of technology over the last few centuries. But it isn’t a straightforward thing. Progress has lots of starts and stops and dead ends along the way. Even something seemingly as simple as incandescent lightbulb took a lot of trial and error to perfect. Knowledge is certainly one part of it. But you need the raw materials to be available as well. And “inventing” all that makes it an even bigger task

m0rris0n_hotel

That's because the average person thinks they're smarter than they actually are. They're not, they just use things smart people make.

camoflauge_road_cone

Just waiting on the youtube channel, primitive technology to catch up with 2019. Then I'll show you who can build what!

Shwifty_Plumbus




Whenever you have a good dream reality becomes the nightmare (8/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Sure... "becomes"...

NicolasCageLovesMe

You're living with your lifelong love. You guys have been together since your early 20's. You share adventures together, snuggle on the couch and watch tv together and have great sex. Life is great and you feel safe, content and loved. Then you wake up in your basement bachelor apartment. Thanks brain.

UniverseBear

Ok this fucked me up because i just had a mental vision where we shift between layers of 'good' and 'bad' depending on the choices we make throughout the day. waking up in a slightly better/ worse reality based on the day before's actions, and going to sleep is just going to the hub between the realities. Also we need to sleep because the realiity begins to decay after 1-2 days. OK None of youse can use this as an idea for a novel.

Rjania2

someone should do a study comparing the dreams of suicidal/depressed people with a control group maybe they just have *way* better dreams

Vandechoz

I actually prefer nightmares for this reason. I wake up and everything is normal... sigh of relief. I wake up from a dream where I have the gift of flight and .... fuck.. nope. I still suck

nahteviro




If you think people are more attractive with a tan, you like people slightly cooked. (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Yes, I’d like my human medium rare. Edit: Thanks for the silver!

Treetrunk-

I crave star damage.

CobaltOne

Well, would YOU eat a raw burger?

Sal_the_Gaylord

I'm not white, I'm *human tartare.*

TheAnagramancer

Slightly crispy on the outside, soft and creamy in the inside

edamamemonster




What “black market” existed in your school? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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A porn ring. Kids would find their Dads VHS pornos or magazines and sell then to this kid. Then he'd turn around and sell it for profit. Funny thing is that when the principal caught wind of it and found all the porn in his locker but the money wasn't there. The kid used the locker under his and hid it all in the bottom. The porn hustler dude is now a Cybersecurity Analyst. I asked him at our reunion how much he thought he made back then. He claims $900 in 4 months

HelpMyBunny1080p

The cafeteria (not school run, kind of just a cafe inside the school) would charge $3-4 for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so one girl kept the ingredients in her locker and charged $1. When the school caught wind and shut it down, they tried to guilt us all by saying how the cafeteria was someone's livelihood and we were taking away from that. But like. $4 for peanut butter?

Mustashim

My school banned soda. I used to keep a cooler full in my car and sell them for $2 a pop.

jsmys

Ecstacy and burned CDs

TaloonTheMerchant

My mum owned a sweet shop and sweets were banned in our school as we had to be healthy meals n all that. So she'd constantly give me bags of sweets to smuggle in and sell everyday at dinner. Made an absolute bomb.

skraii




It turns out the media was right! Video games do cause violence. Based on the last game you played, what are you getting arrested for? (8/13/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Playing soccer with my car.

UnitysBlueTits

Plague Inc. Uhhhh shit

INFAMAS_YT

Lassoing people off their vehicles because I did not like their answer when I said "hey there!"

TheDoorDoesntWork

For Mining and crafting

Mott777-1

Planting crops, taking care of cows, chickens, sheep, pigs, goats, ducks, and dinosaurs, and fishing. Definitely multiple life sentences without parole.

v1ct0r326




There are people on this planet that have no idea that pizza exists (8/11/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I was in Italy recently and staying with a middle aged Italian woman. We were asking about places to eat and she asked what we were in the mood for. I said we like spaghetti and that seems appropriate. She was like "You eat spaghetti?! How do you know about spaghetti?!?!" She legitimately didn't know that Americans eat spaghetti.

DJ_Apex

I watched a short youtube documentary once of cacao bean farmers in cote divoire that had never seen or heard of chocolate before. They had no idea what the beans they farmed were being used for. That was pretty crazy to me.

littlepanda888

What’s pizza

nikkamilk

That's so sad. It's such a beautiful tower

Mad_Squid

there're things that neither you nor me know exists and yet there're probably religions dedicated to whatever it is.

SketchBoard




What’s a job that will probably never be taken by robots? (8/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Sperm donor

homardpoilu

OP over here trying to figure out his career.

Kaibakura

I would say shitposting on Reddit but then I met BobbyB and realized how worthless we are

shablausis

Food critics. Hell, any sort of critic who deals in subjective taste.

drunkpunk138

Athletes, it wouldn’t be nearly as fun to watch because then they would be programmed for a specific outcome Edit: Ok I’ve seen all the comments about battlebots, I’ll check it out in the morning, because its 2am

Squidnugget99




Waiters/waitresses, what is the worst first date you’ve witnessed? (8/13/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Couple years ago, I was tending bar at a high-end steak joint. A pretty brunette walked in and sat down at the bar. After fixing her a cocktail, I asked if she'd like to see a dinner menu. She explained that she was waiting for a date. A few moments later, the guy arrived carrying a large bag. It was immediately obvious this date was their first. Their conversation was lurching from forced to downright painful when he reached into the bag and pulled out an album containing... ...his Pokemon card collection. He set the book on the bar and thumbed through each page, thoroughly and lovingly describing every card, attempting to educate his date in the ways of Japanese pocket monsters. I'll be fair to the guy - dude was *passionate*. She feigned an emergency and called her friend to pick her up. He stayed and ate a plain hamburger at the bar. Edit: Both of these people were in their mid-30s.

CaptainWisconsin

This isn't as bad as some of the others but the guy and girl arrived separately and it seemed like they were meeting for the first time at the restaurant. They sat down then the girl excused herself and went to the bathroom. The guy ordered drinks for them both while she was gone then, after like 30 mins, ordered two meals. It was so obvious she wasn't coming back but he kept calling her and eventually just left all the food and drink untouched and paid the bill.

lachrym0se

Bartended for a decade. For a while I was at a medium range Italian restaurant. More than once I saw a first date go awry because one of the two drank too much. Most memorable was a woman who started downing rum punches. They were at a table so I couldn't see them and I guess the waiter had forgotten his "red light, yellow light" training (I don't know if they still do that). After the sixth one I asked if these were all going to the same person and he said yes. I was like, oh shit. Sure enough, girl ended up puking all over my bathroom and locking herself in. When we got the door open she was passed out and there was puke everywhere including all over her. No cab would touch her so the guy ended up taking her home. He came in a week later and said they were going on another date. I was skeptical. They've been married for about 15 years and are absurdly happy. She avoids rum punches.

voice_of_craisin

Oh man, thanks for asking this one, I've got a great one. Happened at my former restaurant. Reservation for 6:00, young guy comes in a few minutes early, tells me he's kind of nervous because it's a first date and he hasn't had many before, bla bla bla, kind of sweet really. Anyways, girl arrives about half-an-hour late, and proceeds to get very, very drunk. About mid-way through the meal, she answers her phone, takes the call, *and starts talking about her date, in front of her date*, saying stuff like "well, he's not usually my type, I don't exactly like him, but I felt like why not", right in front of him. Young man looks so discouraged, walks up to me, pays his bill, and leaves. He's a really nice guy, he's come to the place I work at now a few times.

el_pobbster

I work at a pretty high end steak house. I got sat with a table of two and when I greeted them, I assumed they were a couple. It took them quite a while to order their food-- I had to go back quite a few times and ask if they were ready. After an hour of them talking, ordering cocktails, and looking at the menu, they finally ordered. The woman ordered a filet mignon and the guy ordered our most expensive steak. Right before their food came out, I saw the guy get up and walk towards the bathroom. My coworkers ran their food to their table and the woman sat there with all the food in front of her. I thought he was coming back soon, but around 20 minutes went by and there was no sign of him. My manager walked over to me and asked me what was up with them, I said the guy was in the bathroom. My manager went and asked her if she wanted us to keep the food under the warmer. She said yes, and the food was under the warmer for maybe an hour while she sat at the table alone. I walked over to her, and asked if everything was alright. She immediately broke down, said it was their first date and that they met on Tinder. Apparently she told him that a steakhouse was a little much for a first date and suggested coffee instead, but he said no. As they were sitting there talking, he looked at his phone and said "my daughter has an emergency" and he quickly got up and left. She was texting him after and he never replied. This girl bawled to me for 20 minutes, repeatedly saying "what's wrong with me?", and I had to reassure her he doesn't know what he's missing blah blah. I went over to my manager and asked what we should do about the check. He said he was stuck, because it was a $250 tab and that's too much to just not have her pay. After a few minutes of convincing him, I got him to take everything off the bill. I boxed up all the food (including his steak and sides), brought it over to her and told her to enjoy her night. She stopped crying, thanked me, and left. After writing this I'm now wondering if they swindled me.

tjm003




People who steal jokes from others but get a better reaction simply have a much higher charisma stat. (8/14/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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People sometimes seem to forget it's all about timing...

Benniegek8

Or they just said it louder

bobsyauncle1993

My stats are shit but I took the Lucky feat

pr0digalnun

Original jokes are incredibly rare, the quality of a joke is almost always in the delivery.

danteheehaw

That is how life works

_Slyonic_




We live in a time where its faster to play a game with a complete stranger online than set up a couch co-op game with a friend. (8/14/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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That's the whole premise of Nintendos approach with the switch.

such_putin_wow

I promise you when I have a friend I will setup a couch co-op with him

iasem

It's a marketing ploy. That way everyone has to buy the system, the game, and the online, not just one person sharing it

thefinalwordyaheard

I miss the 90s

pointlessly_pedantic

There are hardly any good couch co-op games left.

GhostWalker134




You find yourself in a library containing answers to every mystery in the world. The librarian permits you to borrow only a single book, to share with the outside world or use as you wish. What is the title of the book you take, and how do you use this knowledge with which you have been bequeathed? (8/13/2019) ~ AskReddit

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How to steal from a library

somebodysshoe

Faster Than Light Travel for Dummies Seeing other parts of the galaxy/universe would be pretty awesome

rs426

"The complete factual history of the human species - the birth and extinction of the adaptable life" Just curious. Edit: today I learned to confuse the spelling of condiments with biological terms

Allisca

"how to find lost objects" spellcast edition

Player1103

How to craft a saddle in Minecraft

Woomyster




The amount of days in 4 years is divisible by 3 but not by 4. (8/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Unless those 4 years cross a new century but not a multiple of 400 years. (Like 1900 or 2100, but not 2000) No one alive today has used this rule and not many will use it, but it's a thing.

AchromaticSky

I was about to question your sanity before I remembered leap years. Now I'm questioning my sanity

JonathanYippy04

Thanks, I hate it.

Thraway48436

Damn those leap years!

hunter-the-hunter

Oh, this is dissatisfying

Appolivan




Have you ever woke up in the middle of a dream and the dream was so interesting that you wanted to go back to sleep to see the end of it? If so, what was the dream? (8/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I had a dream where my dad died and I watched his body turn into rocks and grass, and I didn’t feel sad I felt happy that he was returning to the Earth. It was very peaceful and made me accept death until I woke up to my shitty alarm sound

wowzaps

I regularly have adventure dreams and I **love** them. Usually I am in an immense house with hidden pathways and I am usually with people I know. It is always a dream of wonder and excitement. Edit: all are invited to the dream of adventure let's have a great night!

Peelboy

Any dreams with my parents in them. They both passed away before I turned 13.

RobynRuLo

I only ever realized that I was dreaming once. I had one of those moments where I stopped and realized that it was all I dream. I got so excited to try and control my dream that I instantly woke up.

Etlas

I remember I has a sex dream and woke up and I was like NOOOOOO!!!!! Then tried to go back to sleep and capture the reality of it and ... nope. Booo!

ClownfishSoup




What is a minor inconvenience that absolutely destroys you? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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When I plop down on the couch and put my feet up only to find I left my drink in the kitchen.

blendergremlin

Laying down to go to bed and getting comfy and then seeing the glow under the bedroom door of a light this dumb ass forgot to turn off.

generik89

Every single site in the world now wants me to login. Why???

Viral_violin

Being interrupted when I'm just barely starting to talk.

KokohaisHere

When the flush sensor on the toilet doesn't function properly. It goes off before I've achieved an acceptable distance from it or it doesn't go off at all.

AnusEinstein




What’s the reason behind your reddit profile name? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I don't want anybody to know.

DonTellAnybody

I Can Never Remember What Day It Is.

ICNRWDII

u/Acceptable_Bread was taken.

Intentional_Bread

I’m a left-handed Canadian. Sorry it’s not that interesting.

NorthernSouthpaw

I am indecisive

yeah_no_maybe_




Sex while spooning is actually just Doggy style in 2D. (8/11/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Well.... I mean.... Fuck it. Just take my upvote

5P4RX

Spooning while forking? Sporking?

mrwakayama

All with 1D

comefindme1231

look at mr long dick here

lilica-replyca

Laying down is just standing in 2d amirite

Bajunky




Never laugh at your partner’s choices. You are one of them (8/14/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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That’s exactly why I laugh at her.

TigTanq

All the more reason to laugh at her choices

Esli_TheAsher

So true. My wife called me a jackass one time and I told her she is the one who married this-jackass

mlaaam515

Haha, so true, Karen! How are the kids?

Calebh04

maybe "Laugh at" is the wrong term. "Blatantly downplay and belittle" your partner's choices is a bad move. Still recovering from 5 years of this, ranging from whether I "really" wanted to transition, My music, my love of retro/indie video games, my personality.... 3 years later, still unpacking that garbage

ABPos_worksafe




Women of Reddit, what is your ‘trying to buy a car/item but the seller is sexist’ story? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Mom answers phone: "Hello" Phone-sales-guy: "I'd like to talk to the man of the house" Mom: "So would I, but he's been dead for 5 years now." ed: Wow! Thanks to mom for the upvotes. (she's been gone for 3 years now.)

wpurple

I went to a dealership to purchase a car after mine was totalled in an accident. My father in law drove me because my husband was at work. This guy kept ignoring me and talking to my father in law. Even after every question was answered, "I don't know what kind she wants, ask her." and "I have no idea what her budget is." I walked off and he was still talking to my father in law, showing him a car. I walked up to another salesman and told him that guy apparently didn't want to sell women cars and asked if he did. He was glad to help me and kept smirking at sexist guy while filling out the paperwork. I think there was some rivalry there because my sales guy was very accomdating and even threw in four brand new tires.

wylderpixie

We were having problems with our water heater and called someone to come take a look at it. My husband happened to take the dog for a walk just as the guy arrived. For some reason he decided he was going to need to cut a giant hole in our wall behind it. I didn't know any better so I started helping his move stuff out of the way. Just as he's getting his saw ready, husband walks in the door. Suddenly his entire story changes and actually all he needs to do is replace a small part. His attitude was completely different and magically he did not need to ruin our drywall. I was pretty frustrated.

albertagenuinedraft

When we were buying a house we told the lawyer to contact me. He kept contacting my husband instead and not even cc'ing me on emails. The problem was that my husband was working nights and sleeping during the day, so he wouldn't return calls or check his emails until the business day was already over. It was so frustrating! We actually had a deal fall through because the seller's broker did something shady and our lawyer's response came too late and was incompetent. When we bought our home, we used a different lawyer.

dogsordiamonds

I wanted to buy a car that was present on the lot and not already in process with someone else (the kind of car where every dealership has 15+ of that car because it's kind of their flagship) and while I was allowed to test drive it, it became clear to me that I was NOT going to be allowed to buy it. They told me they could sell me one, but it wasn't heeeere yet. I was like can you sell me that one, pointing to one on the lot that was exactly what I was looking for, and they were like ohhhhh no, not thaaat one, that one is not the sport version (I'm looking at it and I see the sport tag and visible sport-tier changes to the exterior). So I'm like ok you're weird, that's fine, I have another car to drive, let me know when "the good one" comes in. I get a call, I go back to buy the car I asked for. The one that came in is the super luxury premium version. I say no. They've got another one, it's got wheel locks and an upgraded sound system. But hey! It's $500 off the $3000 difference in price! I'm a dumb woman, that must sound like a good deal to me, right??? I ask again if they're willing to sell me any of the many cars that meet my criteria on the lot. They tell me that none of those cars exist. I left and bought a car from another dealership in a different town. That guy said yes, we have a car like that, it's this one, would you like me to put your name on it? Ok I'll have it detailed, come test drive it this weekend to be sure and I'll have the paperwork ready. Bought a car in one day, after spending 2 weeks trying to buy one somewhere else.

84th_legislature




If we just scanned all the textbooks and put it online we could save students thousands of dollars while taking about 15 lbs(6.804 kilograms) out of student backpacks. (8/14/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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But where is the money in that?

A_Chancellor

There you go, making sense again. We dont do that here. /s

PEST1LENCE_77

This already happens. Nobody I knew in uni bought a physical book after freshman year, they're all online for free if you know how to Google.

Letho72

And saving a ton of paper and in turn the environment!

shitbird97

This is a fantastic idea, assuming the cost of labor is zero

bit99




What are the most generic Reddit comments? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Came here to say this. Take my upvote.

ThickEmergency

Can't believe my top rated comment is about *generic topic*

river912

You win the internet today! If I could give gold, I would!

bzjdowski

Whenever there's a question like "What's your superpower", "What would you not wish on your worst enemy", "How are you feeling" etc the top answer is always either "depression" or "anxiety". It never fails.

Jauxerous

This!

SenorDuck96




The number five is kind of like an honorary even number (8/11/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I feel the same way 5/10

RateYourAwfulPost

I know exactly what you're talking about, and that is strange.

WolfieMagnet

It's called around number, and I would guess there's something psychological going on. Numbers like 5, as well as multiples of 5, are all round numbers and are exceedingly pleasant Edit: a displeased user asked me to remove the 3, so I did XD

Termur

5 is right out

yo_its_trevor

o h s h i t

BlueEyesWhitePotato




What is something stupid people do better than intelligent people? (8/13/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Confidence. Smarter people too often double-guess themselves, while other more stupid ones just go for it.

slidingclouds

I'm going to use my two cats as an example: Not get tripped up by changing patterns. I have one very attentive cat, and one very inattentive cat. At my old apartment, the front door would always open from the left, and the attentive cat figured this out and knew where to stand to maximize his chances of getting out the door. The inattentive cat would just do a mad sprint through the door whenever he saw it open. After we moved, the front door now opened on the right. The inattentive cat would still just do his mad sprint through the door whenever it opened. The attentive cat, however, continued to sit on the left side of the door, and rather than getting outside, would just get trapped between the wall and the door whenever it opened. It took him about a week before he realised that, for the first time in his life, the door now opened from the other side. Can't get tripped up by a new pattern if you're too dumb to recognise the pattern in the first place. EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

Gopherbashi

Win arguments. They are too stupid to see they’re wrong and wear the smart people down.

TheWayDenzelSaysIt

Apparently the more ignorant you are, the more likely you are to hold onto your beliefs even when presented with opposing evidence. So that.

noturmoms_spaghetti

Procreate

carrymeinabucket




[Serious] Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy are well known, but what are some other dark pasts from other countries that people might not know about? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Same war but Japanese treatment of Chinese people is also a stain on human history. The Cambodian Khmer Rouge killed 1.8+ million people over about 4 years. Rohingya people have been treated pretty awfully wherever they went and very recently have been victims of ethnic cleansing in Myanmar something that seemingly went largely ignored by Western media. The genocide in Rwanda killed between 500k to a million in a most gruesome way.

IfWeDieInDreams

Well, Belgium has the congo. Is quite a handfull if you know what I mean

Red_nl98

Francoist Spain is somehow forgotten among Americans despite lasting to the 70s.

diekurzekatze

Residential schools in Canada. Stories of residential schools never fail to make my blood run cold with just how destructive they were to indigenous families, and how horrifically, mind-twistingly abusive they were to individual "students". But of course, because we're 'the **good** north american country' this kind of goes under-discussed, even though it lasted into the 70's. The specific nature of CIA interference in South America is another big one, to me. Quietly aiding and abetting massive and grotesque human rights abuses and undermining governments the US saw as inconvenient or uncooperative seems to me like exactly the kind of conspiratorial stuff that people nowadays would fly into a frenzy over.

MikraeAppassionata

Romanias neo-stalinism regime. Ceaușescu tried to get a bigger population by "Decree 770", birth control and sexual education were illegal. Families should have 5 kids, abortions were illegal and when a illegal abortion lead to an infection it was illegal to treat the woman, 10.000 women died. A lot of kids were born, there wasn't enough food, the families sent their kids to "asylums" (more like children gulags) - most of them were overcrowded and the kids were forced to live on the streets - which was still better than living in such a asylum. My english is too bad to describe the situation in these asylums - just take your worst imagination and multiply it with the fact that the asylum staffs often stated "those kids should have been killed right after their birth.", and i personally would choose death over a childhood in such a children gulag. Their department of state security also killed protesters after a speech, they were involved in experiments leading to torture and murders among prisoners, they were involved in deportations and purges. Their body count is estimated around 200.000. Ceaușescu was sentenced to death by the romanian army. If you are from europe you probably hear alot about organized beggar clans. This guy is the reason why we have to deal with those clans, the population is still suffering from the regimes aftermath.

Nelphidelvein




What is not illegal but just feels wrong? (8/11/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Paparazzi. Edit: Wow this got a lot of support. And thanks to the angel who gave me a silver. I wish I could thank you in private to spare others this long line but I don't know how to. May you have lovely days follow you.

Not_Al_Pacino

Marrying a 14 year old in Missouri.

NexGenjutsu

In some counties in Mississippi it’s not illegal to drink while driving. It’s illegal to drive with a BAC above .08. So if you pass a cop while turning up a beer, you’ll be pulled over every time. But once you prove you’re not impaired (eyes aren’t glassy, speech isn’t slurred, steady on your feet, have a BAC below .08 on the portable breathalyzer) you’re free to go because the actual action of drinking while driving by itself is not illegal. It does, however, give law enforcement probable cause to stop you.

youngsquabble

Driving in front of a cop

_Salty_Spitoon_

When you return to your parked car and find people leaning against it or sitting on the hood.

Back2Bach




If we put solar panels above parking lots, then our cars wouldn’t get hot and we would have a lot of clean energy. (8/17/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I've seen plenty of parking lots like this in California.

Gunch_Bandit

They did this where I was stationed for boot camp, of all places.

andMeAndMeAndU

It's better than trying to make roads paved with solar panels. We can barely maintain our roads as it is, even if you could boost the toughness of a solar panel by a hundred it still wouldn't last under the constant weight and flexing of road traffic

LegoRobinHood

The problem with solar energy isn't the lack of space to put them, it is that they cost too much and we can't store the energy cheaply. The first problem is almost gone. Solar power is already cheaper than retail energy and getting cheaper. And we only need batteries to be about 10-20x cheaper for the second problem to be solved.

jamesspornaccount

And charge our EVs with that energy

zahlooh




Growing up depressed feels so normal that when you’re having a good time,you feel out of place (8/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I'm genuinely happy now and there's always this looming feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong and I'll be up shit creek again. I know this all too well, it sucks.

morningride2

I apparently have this, but for loneliness. A friend of mine once told me (years after our failed attempt at a relationship) that I'm the loneliest person she's ever met, and that I'm so used to being lonely that I don't even know I am lonely - and then when I'm not lonely, I freak out because it doesn't feel right to me.

N_Who

This right here. This is my entire life. Thank you for posting

BedHeadZzzz

It's weird and people don't get it. Like, I have suicidal thoughts at least once a day, every day. Any time I'm alone with my thoughts for like more than an hour, I start to feel miserable. On my days off, I can barely leave my bed. Yet most people have no clue. My doctor asks why I miss appointments so much and my workmates are always acting like I'm a lazy git when I call in sick. It's frustrating that everyone thinks I'm lazy when I'm really just fighting off the urge to dive off a bridge.

Dash_Harber

Answers why people keep trying to probe reactions out of me whenever something nice happens. Meanwhile I'm feeling the joy but my body's a stiff brick. Sound familiar?

llIIlIlIll




A burning popcorn factory would smell amazing one moment and horrible the next. (8/14/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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It’s weird how the instant it crosses that line into burned popcorn, the whole house smells it. It must be an evolution thing where our ancestors had to figure out how long to microwave their popcorn without that popcorn setting

Chumbolex

So would a Yankee candle store

Gordogames121

Yesterday a colleague of mine told us a story about his grandpa that during WW2 was into the food black market near Rome. In practice every morning he went to the countryside, grab a backpack full of flour and went back to the city center. One day a bomber did its ride. His backpack was hit by a bomb shrapnel, he was thrown to the ground a thought: "what? What a nice smell of newly cooked bread!". The hot shrapnel cooked the flour 🙂

GRAAK85

human flesh burning or burnt popcorn kind of smell bad

lukevanz

I actually like the smell of burnt popcorn I don't burn popcorn, but when someone burns some at the office, I'm pleasantly surprised...I pretend like I hate it, cause I know I'm crazy

chuckdooley




Former contestants of Masterchef, how was it? How do you come up with the recipes, and what is something that happens off-camera that you would like the audience to see? (8/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I'd like to know how the counting down/ fake running out of time thing actually plays out. How is it possible that everyone finishes plating up within the last five seconds?

eucalyptusmacrocarpa

MasterChef Producer here. Contestants are sequestered for the duration of the shoot so when we are not shooting, they have a lot of down time. So we have a large collection of cookbooks, both in cast holding and in the Library on stage, contestants can pull from for inspiration or useful info.

smegle564

I once met 3! Two winners actually, and they said that they were basically given one massive cookbook that stye had to memorize from, I met specifically the winner of season 9

OnwardFerret94

All of the shooting for a week takes place in a day. They are made to change clothes so that it appears that it's a different day, but all cooking shooting is done in a day. Source- a distant relative in a local cooking show

Jakeperaltasbutt

I was selected for season 4, but had to bail about two weeks before shooting because of my wife's pregnancy. The producers were very not happy with me. I guess I can answer about some of the audition stuff. The agreement you sign is pretty brutal in terms of their expectations and how little you get after the fact.

rmm989




Your parents calling you handsome is technically flexing because they made you. (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Common Freudian psychology. Many people procreate for purely self-gratifying narcissistic reasons.

anewhighinthelow

I really don't think I'm flexing. I'm constantly just surprised about how handsome my son is.

trickmind

But I'm... ...adopted.

bubba998

Unless you’re a girl.

azgrunt

Weird flex but okay

The_White_Tyrone56




LPT: Don’t put your life on hold waiting for closure on something you’re struggling with. Many of life’s most difficult situations don’t have reasonable explanations. (8/12/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Closure comes when *you* shut the door on a chapter of your life, not when that door gets closed by someone or something else.

Darnitol1

Wise words. Always remember, in the best case, the party responsible for you struggling, will not care. In the worst case, they get off at the thought of you being miserable and in the dumps, and try their best to make it worse. Sadly, in many cases, "getting over it" is the only thing that works without turning insane eventually.

BIPOne

This is pretty bad advice. Its this kind of societal-level pressure and lack of respect for mental health that is causing so many problems for so many people. To use the overused 'physical malady' comparison, no one should expect you to run a marathon with a compound fracture. But equally, no one should simply sit around waiting for a compound fracture to heal. (compound fractures are the gross ones where the bone comes out of the skin. you're welcome) If you're really struggling with something, and its causing you to have trouble going on with your life the way you want, get help. Find a well trained Psychologist and start putting in the work in therapy to work through what you're struggling with. Realize that sometimes you just can't go on, you need to move slowly, take a break, put things on hold etc., while you do the work to heal and recover. Don't ever read something like this or hear something similar and start to beat yourself to "get moving". Give yourself time, find the proper methods of support to heal and then move forward.

that_one_guy_with_th

You see, we all got what I call *a life trap*, this gene-deep certainty that things will be different, that you’ll move to another city and meet the people that’ll be the friends for the rest of your life, that you’ll fall in love and be fulfilled -- fucking fulfillment... And closure, whatever the fuck, those two fuckin’ empty jars to hold this shit storm. Nothing’s ever fulfilled, not until the very end. And closure... No. No, no. Nothing is ever over. Edit: just so you know it ain’t me, the quotation is from True Detective (Rust Cohle says it)

pointlessly_pedantic

At the same time, don't put off giving yourself time and permission to process big life changing events like family/friend/pet deaths, relationship failures, etc. It's okay to fall, fail, and recover at your own pace as best you can. If you never let yourself experience the natural grieving process, you will likely hold on to your pain in a much more drawn out, chronic, and malignant way.

BenjiMalone




The cigarette lighter in a vehicle has come full circle. First used to light your cigarette. Then used to be a USB charger. Then the USB charger used to charge your eCig. (8/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Then your e cig will be used to light your cigarette

Huntsmen04

I nominate it to be one the greatest inventions of the century

GodfatherfromChive

does this mean my juul will charge my phone in a few years?

Grahamshabam

I upvoted this and shortly after I downvoted this just so I could upvote it again

gagonthese

I'm old enough to remember when it was a lighter but even as a smoker I'm much happier with a charging port.

ScumbagsRme




Drivers in a hurry to beat traffic usually cause the accidents which create the traffic they were trying to avoid. (8/12/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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They could not live with their own failure. Where did that bring them? Back to the traffic. Probably forever.

IAmBack_Bitches

People driving 20 under in the passing lane so other drivers have to maneuver around them cause accidents.

bobs_aspergers

Welllllll maybe. I know for a fact that unpredictability is waaay worse than being rude. Like, I would much rather share the road with someone aggressively driving but using indicators, keep the flow of traffic, and allowing the "dance" to take place than someone who randomly changes lanes, pulls out into traffic out of turn, and slams on their brakes at random intervals.

Autski

My beef is with people who are sitting in a line at a red light & they unnecessarily block cross traffic in an intersection (which would also help alleviate traffic for all while not adding any time to their own drive). imagine if everyone let people through, drove 5 over, and were **predictable**.

DontToewsMeBro2

Drivers constantly changing lanes to beat traffic, slows down traffic.

hausenpepper




Today, the joke is “in Soviet Russia, the car drives you”, but in a few decades it will be “in Soviet Russia, you drive the car” (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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This ones actually alright haha

KobokTukath

Why will Soviet russia exist in the next few decades?

BadGuyThrowAway2018

I don’t get it ..

7_fucking_feet

1,000th upvote

jhemsley99

Soviet America you mean.

golgol12




[Serious] To anybody who likes exploring abandoned/rundown places, what was the scariest thing that has ever happened to you on your adventures? (8/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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This was when I was a kid, maybe 12/13 back when me and my 4 cousins were little hellions. They lived out on a ranch and we would ride four wheelers to a bunch of abandoned buildings in the country all the time. One time we came across a bridge and decided to stop and enjoy the view. It was a beautiful day I should mention. Sun, was shining, birds were singing, and the water in the river looked amazing rushing under the bridge. Then we noticed something strange. There is a metal wire tied to the rail of the bridge and hanging down into the water. Of course curiosity got the best of us, so we decide to pull it up and see what it was all about. We pull up a deer skull. A huge one too, with large antlers and everything. Mind you, this is not within the time line of hunting season **at all**. Then my cousin says, "look over there!" We see what looks like an ax stuck in the middle of a tree stump down by the river. We walk to the end of the bridge and hike our way down to the river and low and behold, this is not an ax, it was a deer's leg that had been chopped off and stuck in the dead center of the tree stump, pointing straight up at the sky. We rushed back to the top of the bridge and decided there was no way a deer died by itself and put it's leg in a tree stump and tied it's skull to a metal wire. We come to the realization that someone is hunting out of season. Suddenly, as two of my cousins are discussing whether to take the head with them or not (they thought it was super cool but it smelled absolutely horrible), we see some hillbilly looking men step out onto the porch of a house up on the hill. They are holding rifles. They see that we've pulled up the wire with the deer skull and start running down the hill at us. We never rode our four wheelers so fast! We booked it out of there! We made it back to the ranch and told our parents about it.

holla_at_cho_boi69

Owner threatening to beat the shit out of us because he thought we were after copper. Dude was actually pretty chill when he realized we were dumb teens and not meth heads, but he did force us to give over our backpacks to make sure we didn't have spray paint or tools.

Bay2NPS2NFS2BLM2Sac

There used to be this abandoned asylum in the woods by the park near the house where I grew up. The main building above ground had been torn down but the basement was still there and you could enter it through a small window that was just big enough to crawl through. The furniture and some medical stuff was all still down there. I was too afraid to go through the window but my friend wasn’t. He was down there for about five minutes before he screamed and jumped out of the window. He said something was chasing him. We could hear it down there scurrying around but none of us wanted to get close enough to the window to look with the flashlight. A few years later a woman got attacked near there by a gaze of aggressive raccoons.

Redheadeddanger

Me and two of my friends were exploring some woods on the outskirts of my city when we were around 12/13 years old. These woods had old Barracks in them that were used during WWII but are completely abandoned overgrown and rundown now. To actually get to any explorable barracks you had to go quite deep into the forest and up some very steep hills in which you use the trees roots that grow down them to climb up. This was the first time me and my friends had ventured this deep before so all were pretty excited at seeing how far we could go and how big the place actually was. Eventually, we came to a crosspath and we choose to go down the right side. We had to squeeze our way through some tight stinging nettle bushes but luckily we all had long clothes on to protect us. We stumbled out into this huge clearing area where right in front of us was a huge building that had a massive enterance in the side. We were all astounded as we didn't realise any buildings this big were in this forest and we hadn't seen any real abandoned places before. Of course we decided to go in and check it out and inside it stretched quite deep and was very dark. Being young we were all pretty nervous to actually set foot any further than where the natural light from the opening spread to. We hung around the enterance for a bit messing around echoing our voices and such. Eventually one of my friends is looking off into the darkness with a very frightened expression on his face. Me and my other friend turn to him to ask him what's the matter and he says "guys I swear I just saw a face or something in the dark over there." Me and my friend thinking he is trying to just spook us out tell him to stop messing with us we aren't falling for his tricks. That's when it happened... The loud scream of an adult male fills the entire building amplified by the echo. With that me and my friends look at eachother absolutely terrified and let out shrieks ourselves. We bolt it towards the bushes in which we came and start making a break straight back the way we came without looking back. We must have run for a solid ten minutes straight without even stopping. Those huge steep hills I spoke about earlier we literally jumped down and just slid down them getting covered in dirt. We finally reached the edge of the forest and stopped running. We never did find out who was in there or why but considering how young I was it was definately one of my most terrifying experiences. Edit: That event stopped me from going back there for a very long time. However, as I got older I eventually plucked up the courage to go back. I had told all my friends about this experience and so we decided to go there with a much larger group 10+. It took us a while to actually find the place again as the forest is kinda like one straight path where you gotta chose your location to move down off the hills to find the abandoned bunkers/barracks. When we found the place we were more equipped with flashlights and stuff. We went in and took a look around and didn't see anything out of the usual. My guess is like people said probably ~~a squatter scaring us off~~ the ManBearPig.

Rhyssayy

Finding ~150 barrels of toxic waste illegally dumped in the Packard Plant in Detroit. I stayed there too long without a respirator. I had a bad headache and felt spacey for the rest of the day. I also lost about 70% of my sense of smell permanently.

Automatic_Treat




What are the weirdest subreddits on Reddit? (8/11/2019) ~ AskReddit

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/r/picturesofiansleeping It's a sub where this guy used to post a picture every day of his roommate, Ian, sleeping. Unfortunately, Ian moved out and the sub died, but Ian has made a few appearances over the years, most recently a few months ago.

-eDgAR-

r/didthevikingswinsb It’s one guy counting days until the Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl. He says it’s done all by hand and not a bot

Vooxed

r/oldladiesbakingpies (NSFW) (kind of)

alwaysstaysthesame

r/fedlegs A subreddit dedicated to this mans fetish of painting legs yellow. No other body part, just the legs. And specifically yellow

JelloGumiGami

r/BreadStapledToTrees Just pics of bred stapled to trees

yeahhhhhh23




Many people say that they want their funeral to be a celebration rather than a mourning. Has anybody actually attended, or seriously planned, a “fun” funeral? What happened? (8/13/2019) ~ AskReddit

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My great grandpa made it very public that he had lived a great life and his last wish was he just wanted to live to 100 so he could brag to his dad in Heaven because his dad died at 99. He died 2 days after his 100th birthday. His funeral was basically a party. Lots of jokes were told. Lots of drinks were had. Only happy tears. RIP Pappy

BoseSounddock

New Orleans has a tradition of marching slowly to the graveyard, mourning. Then a ceremony and a dancing jazz party on the way back to the church, where food and drinks are. The party continues from there. I’ve always thought this is good psychology - mourn, but celebrate also.

too_generic

I tried to make sure my wife's funeral wasn't a stuffy cry fest, but she was only 38 when she passed. I told the story of how we met, which was funny, and it set the tone for those who did speak to share their happy, funny stories about her. The reception after that was fine. The after party was where she would have had the best time. It was the shittiest reason for a big family reunion, but nearly everyone who was at our wedding was back together again. We drank, we laughed, we danced , we cried... She wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Edit: Since I've had a couple of requests I might as well share the story of how we met. I had just gotten home from work, showered, ordered a pizza, and settled in to watch a movie when the phone rang. Since it was 1999 and the phone was attached to the wall in the kitchen I just pick the thing up and answered it. That's what you did back then. It was my friend and roommate who was out on a date. His date had brought a chaperone and he wanted me to come out and entertain her while he and his date talked. I begrudgingly agreed to meet him at the pool hall we frequented after I ate. The place was 18 and up and I was 19 at the time so I could play pool or darts. They were over by the large bank of electronic dartboards. My friend, B, was talking to the women, one was a very pretty brunette, the other was... not. He introduced me to them and then asked if I would help him grab some drinks from the bar. This is where I found out that I was not stuck entertaining the other girl, that the very pretty brunette was the chaperone! Only he and his date were old enough to drink so, after questioning my friend's taste in women, I bought a couple of cokes and started talking to "M" while B and his date went off to a different spot to talk. M and I talked, it went well. We all returned to our place where M and I watched Austin Powers on VHS and drank a Zima. That is probably the most 90's sentence you will read today. At one point during the movie she got close to me and started to rub my neck and shoulders. I wondered if she liked me. B and his date were hanging out in his room listening to our band's music. M then went to the bathroom. I watched the movie for a while and still wondered if she liked me or not. A while later I realized she had been in the bathroom a Long Time. I knocked on the door to see if she was ok. There was no answer. I knocked again, still no answer. I crossed the hall to my friends room to get his date and see if she would check on M. The lock on the door was broken, but she was wary of walking in on M with her pants down. When she finally went in she found M passed out in the bathroom floor. One Zima and she was trashed... We roused her, she gave me her number, and they went home. We saw each other again. A few months later she moved in with me. In December of 2001 our first son was born. We got married in September of 2004. Our relationship was far from perfect. In fact, we were on the verge of splitting up when her health took a dive. I wasn't happy, but I knew she needed me. We had to move in with her parents since my income alone couldn't keep us afloat. I'm still living with them in the house she grew up in. We all get along well, but the emotional tax of the living situation is starting to wear on me. But it is a stable, loving environment for our kids which is the most important thing right now. Thanks for reading and your supportive words!

Zanos-Ixshlae

I attended a friend of a friends funeral as support. It was really quiet in the church as Knocking on Heaven's Door, Yellow Submarine, and Highway to Hell played. It was what he wanted, but everyone else was still a bit too sad and shell-shocked for them to enjoy it.

badgersinatrenchcoat

A childhood friend of mine got killed by a drunk driver when he was like 19, and always said this. His funeral wasn't exactly a part, but it was genuinely amazing how many people from how many walks of life came to share stories about him. Like hospice patients he took care of, the kids he smoked weed with, old school friends. There was just this huge sense of 'everybody loved this guy, he was a wonderful person, we were so lucky to have him.' I think a lot of people learned a lot about him when everyone from pothead skater kids to old men in wheel chairs from his job were coming up to speak. The real party was later though. His friends organized a sort of small live music event/party afterwards. It became an annual event where all his friends get together to celebrate for years after his death. Not sure if it's still going, but it was great to see this big party every year for him.

travelstuffdump




Redditors who have been here for a while, what are the “Do”s and “Don’t”s of Reddit for new users? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Don't take anything too seriously. The people here are just as stupid as they are everywhere else on the internet. EDIT: Also, don't pay attention to your karma score. It's an arbitrary number that is worthless and meaningless.

Digital_Devil_20

Reddit has its own inside jokes that you will see pop up in all kinds of threads. They won’t make sense right away, but once they do you will enjoy them. Subs have their own quirks. If you don’t understand something and it’s not listed in the subs rules, you can ask on “no stupid questions”, “out of the loop” and I am sure there is other subs someone else will mention. You can also just search whatever it is you are curious about. Don’t make edits to your own posts to thank people for upvotes or medals. You will see them posted. Don’t be like them. One award edit can take a perfectly timed & phrased statement and make it suck. This isn’t Facebook. No one cares about your kids birthday, first day of school or what college they got into. They also don’t care to see a picture of your first house, birth announcements or new job. If you want to share something like that go to “toast me”. Otherwise your post will die in “new”. The only exception to the above paragraph is if something goes terribly wrong. Get a first day of school pic and catch your kid falling mid-air or getting knocked over by the dog...we are here for that kind of content all day, everyday. Context matters. Pay attention to what sub a post came from or risk writing something dumb. I personally do not delete my posts that have been downvoted. I think the flow of the thread gets thrown off and good comments stop making sense when they are responding to a deleted statement. Reddit generally doesn’t correct typos or grammar of other people’s posts. If you know what they meant, go with it...we all make mistakes and the thought behind the post is far more important than whether or not someone misspelled a word. If you need clarity of their idea feel free to ask. If their idea is half-baked or complete nonsense, downvote and move on. Reddit is an international platform. Americans tend to assume that they are the only ones on here- you are not. Some posts are from people that are multilingual, if someone says they are a non-native speaker, that is not an invitation to tutor them on colloquialisms. If they are asking for help, that’s different, help them as much as you are willing and able.

iconoclastic_idiot

I haven't been here long but I noticed emojis get you downvoted.

AkechiSenpai

If someone responds to something you’ve written in an unreasonable way, responding back to them generally doesn’t make them more reasonable and will often only frustrate you.

SlipperyMath

Don’t say that you “came here for this”. Just upvote the comment that reflects the reason for which you came.

StanzoBrandFedoras




The saddest thing is when a person who gave you amazing memories, becomes a memory. (8/11/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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That's life bruh. As you get older people who once meant the world to you fade to memories and you've got to move on

Earz13

Its happening a lot, lately. But I'm 55. So I guess that's normal. My wife died when I was 51. That basically destroyed my world. But Jenni, her former stepdaughter, who technically had never been a relative of mine, but functionally was, had been through similar stuff when her boyfriend had committed suicide a year and a bit earlier. Jenni helped me put myself back together after Melanie died. Then last summer, Jenni got liver cancer. They gave her six months she lived eleven. Then I got cancer. But mine is in my thyroid. That's wrapped around my voice box. So the cancer is gone now. But my voice is jacked up. Until a month and a half ago, I was a singer/songwriter. I guess I can still be a songwriter.

Bard2dbone

Maybe this is life right? This is why it’s important to enjoy the everything in your life, before it becomes a memory. I’m currently learning this!

awesomeguy702

I miss you so much Izzy and Grandpa. :/ As they said in Indiana Jones: “you reach a point where life stops giving you things and starts taking them away.” Edit: Thank you for the medal but this didn’t really deserve that, but thank you again.

Zero_Loveless

Imo... some people are better left in memories.. no use chasing a dying flame.

TE_Jusles




LPT: If you are travelling with someone else and you’re both wearing backpacks, swap them around. When you need stuff from your bag you’ll have both hands free and you’ll know where your own stuff is. (8/11/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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ULPT -- If you can convince your traveling buddy to swap backpacks so that you can both access your stuff easier then you can load it up with all the heavy stuff you wouldn't normally carry because now you've got your own pack mule.

Antarctic_Fox

That way when one of you gets separated, neither of you have your own stuff.

DrHeckle_MrJive

Until you'd discover your m8 was a drug dealer but you were the one getting caught by the customs because you forgot to swap

dude_above_me_is_gay

Yeah, except I'll be the one carrying Princess Vespa's hairdryer.

LucSanchezMD

Wtf is up with lpt’s.. This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. to the point I must assume you’re trolling

Aegon-VII




Long after analogue clocks are dead, people will use the terms clockwise and anti clockwise, kids won’t even know where it came from (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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It’s counter clockwise...

mlamb38

Analog clocks will never die. Hate the look of a digital watch or wall clock. Like the clock version of fluorescent lights.

sparung1979

BTW FYI kids these days can't read T9 txting slang gr8 b/c it was mainly just the millennial generation that grew up texting on flip phones rofl hmu l8r ttyl etc

Ayomay0o

Many people use “righty-tighty “ and “lefty-loosey “, like my kids who refuse to learn how to read an analogue clock.

Phishphan123

A bit like the save icon.

Wenge03




Flight attendants. Have you ever had to deal with a person dying mid flight? How did you go about it? (8/14/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Somewhat relatable: I was on a flight from NY to London. We were about two or three hours in when the captain came on and said that due to a medical emergency, we’d be landing at St John’s Newfoundland. We got there close to midnight. The airport was empty, and there was snow everywhere. As for the medical emergency, it was an older lady. I think she must’ve had a stroke. The flight attendants asked if there was a doctor on board. There wasn’t, but there was someone studying to be one, a young guy. He was with her the entire time. We waited on the tarmac for the ambulance to arrive, which took quite a while. They carted her off. At that point she was still alive. I don’t know anything beyond that. Once she was off, the attendants brought the medical student to first class. Then we waited as the captain got together a flight plan to continue to London. It took several hours. In total, we were on that tarmac for four hours.

The_Tell_Tale_Heart

I’m an Airline Pilot. Unfortunately this is not uncommon, because the cabin environment (reduced oxygen partial pressure, travel stress, fear of flying stress) can be potentially harsh to people already chronically or acutely unwell. Early morning, elderly person with a history of cardiac problems, hasn’t eaten or drank, stressed from the rush of travelling through an airport, stressed from a fear of flying, unfortunately it has been known to trigger things like strokes or angina and even cardiac arrests. It hasn’t happened to me, luckily my serious medicals have all ended in good news with the passenger recovering in hospital, but I have colleagues who have had a passenger die. I’m not sure the majority of people actually realise the training the cabin crew actually go through. They are not on board to solely placate and fetch you a gin and tonic, their main role is above all else, safety - to expeditiously get you off in the event of an evacuation and to be capable of providing advanced first aid. They (and us in the flight deck) are medically trained and have to go through a government approved programme of refresher training annually/biannually. The cabin crew have access to a defibrillator, oxygen, drugs and a large quantity of first aid equipment and materials across three first aid kits. Long haul aircraft have a secure pack of serious emergency use drugs like adrenaline and anaesthetics that the crew cannot use, they are only for the use of any doctors on board during a medical emergency. The crew are all trained to recognise the symptoms of, co-ordinate, and immediately begin to treat serious emergencies like strokes, arrests, anaphylaxis, all sorts. At least three will treat in pre-defined roles while the fourth will call us to pass details and provide a preliminary recommendation, i.e we have to divert now. Unfortunately passengers can and do die. The success rate of ROSC (recovery from arrest) outside of hospital is very poor. When they do, the crew do all they can to protect the dignity of the passenger and assist/comfort their relatives or travel companions on board. The passenger remains in their seat with an oxygen mask on to give the rest of the passengers the impression they are still alive as a death would make people uncomfortable and have them staring at the unfortunately deceased passenger undermining their dignity. The whole process is rigorously trained and designed to provide the best medical care possible from non-doctors/nurses and to provide as much personal care and dignity as possible in the circumstances. Someone else posted in this thread they have a relative working as cabin crew claiming the passenger is moved to the flight deck. Utter bullshit.

nil_defect_found

Not a flight attendant but my Dad has been flying for the same major airline for more than 35 years, and last year my sister and I were on a flight that he was captain-ing and my sister is an RN. About 3 hours into the 10 hour overnight flight, flight attendants alerted my dad that a guy was having a medical issue and so he goes oh! wake my daughter up! She's a nurse! (They also announced over the speaker to ask if there was a doctor, there wasn't) My sister is NOT a "morning person" and so they wake her up and she wipes the drool off her face and goes to see the guy. She talks to him and figures out pretty quickly that he is having some kind of vasovagal syncope thing, she asks him if he took anything, especially because she can see that he's been served alcohol at some point in the flight. He says yes but won't tell her what it is. Shes like, sir I do not give a single fuck I am not a cop I'm just trying to help you but he refused. I don't know what she had him do but it eventually passed and he felt better so she went back to her seat. I slept through the whole thing because I am super helpful.

Sassquapadelia

Flight attendant here! Once on a flight over the Pacific Ocean I had a death inflight. An older gentleman and his wife (I guessed in their 70s) were the last to board the aircraft- they had to be wheeled to their seats onboard by the wheelchair porters. In hindsight we probably should’ve known something was fishy when the gentleman had to be shaken awake by the porters once he got to his seat but at the time he just appeared to be drowsy and napping. But anyway we took off and went about the flight as usual. About halfway into the flight one of the other flight attendants came up and told me that he thinks he heard a passenger collapse in the lavatory and that he needed help getting the door open and that whoever was inside was not responding to them. So we go to the back and pop the lav door off its hinges and lo and behold guess who falls out, it’s the older gentleman and he’s unresponsive. We rolled him onto his back and he was barely breathing so I told the other flight attendant to stay with the passenger and page for any medical professionals on board while I went to grab emergency medical equipment but the whole time we were trying to coordinate that his wife is yelling at us that he’s fine and to just return him to his seat. He was not fine. By the time I grabbed our emergency AED and medical kits and O2 tanks and made it back to the passenger there were three nurses who had already started CPR on the fella and as a messy surprise once they unbuttoned his shirt they found that he had one of those I think they’re called colostomy bags?- the poop bags that attach to your guts- And so they were trying to do cpr around that. Sadly the gentleman ended up expiring and after receiving clearance from a doctor on the ground over our satellite phone the nurses stopped CPR after about an hour. What was left was the corpse of a relatively tall Caucasian male in our gallery whose feet blocked off one of the aisles and who was also covered in oozy shit due to his poop bag breaking during CPR. We tried our best to cover him with blankets and kept other people out of the area. His wife was of course terribly upset and she went from uncontrollable wailing to silence and at one point I heard her giggling a little under her breath- probably shock poor thing. I got some medical details about the gentleman from her and we found out that he had a stroke about two weeks prior and also had lung cancer and got out of hospice care to try to make one final vacation together and that the morning of the flight they made the decision to double both his painkillers and anti anxiety meds in preparation to fly. Because we were over the ocean we had to continue on to our arrival destination with the body in the galley for about another hour and a half of flight. When we arrived at the airport the sheriffs department also wouldn’t allow anyone to leave the plane for at least 45 minutes after arriving at the gate because they had to “clear the scene of any foul play”. It was a somber deplaning following that to say the least but surprisingly all of the passengers were extremely understanding and we didn’t even receive any complaints about what happened or if we did they were never relayed back to that particular crew that day.

SpanishFriedRice

It's fairly common. You basically move the other passengers the the row to other seats if possible, or you cover them with a blanket if there is nowhere else to move them. Dead bodies aren't dangerous right after death, so the main priority to to preserve as much dignity for the deceased as possible and to keep the other passengers calm.

TheIronGoat




People of reddit who call their parents by their first names, why? (8/11/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Because my mom can’t hear me half the time so I’ll yell her name then she hears me

exjewel

As a kid I heard them call each other Ralph and Marie so I kind of figured that must be what they’re called. Tried calling my mom Marie and she actually responded so I seemed to be right. Edit: my parents didn’t really mind so I always kept calling them Ralph and Marie. I remember a friend asking me if I was adopted because of it, which cracked me up.

total_revoice

A local radio station does birthday wishes that you can call in. My mom called one in for my brother, from all of us, and the announcer butchered all of our names. Velvet, Bart, and Jade turned into Velna, Bert, and Jude. So now I always call my mom Velna, 20 years later.

jader88

I still call my dad "Dad" but I started calling my mom by her first name as a joke when I was a teenager and eventually got used to it to the point where calling her "Mom" sounded weird. I'm way closer to her than to my dad so it's not at all for a negative reason.

ihopeyoulikeapples

My son is 12 and occasionally calls me by my first name. My first name is Karen.

KLWK




Without using numbers, how old are you? (8/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Thirty

Jorts2018

In kindergarten, I watched a man land on the Moon.

theDocX2

The answer to life, the universe and everything.

iandcorey

If I was a musician people would say I'm at a risk of joining a very grim club.

ToothlessTheKitty

Currently having a quarter life crisis.

pique-boo




Men of Reddit, What is the bro code you should never break? (8/12/2019) ~ AskReddit

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If a bro dies while lifting weights, add a couple plates before you call for help

elegylegacy

Don't throw friends under the bus to impress others.

Being_grateful

If you catch another bro crying, don't make fun of him or tell other people that you saw your bro crying.

TheBassMeister

If a bro is about to cheat on his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband, you get to intervene once. If he's sober enough to stand, look you in the eyes and tells you to fuck off, your hands are clean. You tried. If he's to fucked up, get him outta dodge before he does something stupid you could stop.

TheFloatingCamel

Don't mess with another mans wife/girl. It's just wrong, and can completely destroy a man's mind and soul.

RakaYourWorld




We went from videogames you could pause and TV you couldn’t, to TV you can pause and videogames you can’t. (8/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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in the future when you pause your online game it freeze time for all your opponents

grabokvonkrapouik

The real killer is games that could be paused that just won't let you. Makes sense that you can't pause a multiplayer game. Not being able to pause mid cut scene in a single player RPG though.... *looks at the witcher 3*

clamroll

Good lucking trying to explain to my mom that I'm not able to "pause" my game of Search and Destroy to go unload the dishes...

iLuvTopanga17

Heard of DotA 2? It's an online game you can pause. And it's the actual worst feature in the game because of all the people that spam it.

Armathynx

Finally a shower thought that's actually true making it to the front page.

RevengencerAlf




If we really cared about the environment then we wouldn’t allow companies to send paper junk mail anymore. (8/11/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I’ve started marking them as: Return to Sender... it might not do anything, but they aren’t in my apartment or mailbox 🙂

Benschel

Should be made as an opt-in service. If I don't call to get on the list I don't receive them. And if I call to be off the list I stop receiving them.

arakwar

Let us all shame them into submission

abejitamaya660

how about unnecessary e-mails? the internet slows down world wide during a certain time of the day because people in india send each other :"be better today" e-mails. this wastes energy.

S-Markt

...and there would be stronger rules around excessive packaging....while we're on this, why aren't we recycling glass bottles with deposits anymore? Seems if we went a little old school we could help the environment a lot, but too many people are not interested in being inconvenienced.

Lalasosa




When a bad kid turns into a good adult, it’s a testament to their character. When a good kid turns into a good adult, it’s a testament to good parenting. (8/13/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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“What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?” -Paarthurnax, *Skyrim*

KamitheAvatar

I don’t think a bad kid was ever a bad kid if he turns into a good adult. But I do like this quote.

tranquilhavox

What about a good kid who turns into a bad adult?

lanceSTARMAN

What happens when a good kid turns into a good adult and had shitty parents? Who’s the testament to then?

HeresTheCoffee

I was a good kid with horrible parenting and am now a bomb ass adult (I had to learn to parent myself)

lunalazulite




You have access to YouTube from the year 2050 for one hour. What do you search for? (8/14/2019) ~ AskReddit

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"Top ten world changing discoveries in the last 30 years"

Rodger2041

Youtube Rewind 2049 and see the dislikes.

slaptothecalf

Most iconic events 2020-2050 montage, or Biggest growing stocks from 2020-2050

Gerrard1995

News from the last 30 years. I'll need to know which companies to invest in and also where in the continental US that I can build an off-grid bunker that won't be underwater.

Hoxha-Posadist

"I'm sorry. Content is unavailable with your current version of YouTube. Sign up for YouTube PLUS now!"

Do_what93