What free things online should everyone take advantage of? (12/19/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Project Gutenberg. Lots of free classic books.


Maybe not everyone, but for students Zotero is a lifesaver. It will store your sources, import them to a bibliography in whatever citation style you need, and even create in-text citations in your paper. It saves hours of work. Zotero.org


Library Genesis, a great place to look for and download college/university textbooks for free, as well as other books. Edit: as commenters have pointed out, it has unfortunately been blocked in some countries. A VPN/Tor could help in this case. Edit: removed direct link. my apologies


If you have a .edu email through your school that uses Gmail, you get unlimited Google drive storage.


YouTube lessons on how to do anything your heart desires.


If drug cartels just started selling insulin, cancer drugs and other life saving meds they’d probably be viewed in a much more positive light. (12/18/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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It would change rap music forever.


“The war on drugs” would get more funding than nasa and drug dealers would disappear in a month.


I pay about $6 (Australian) per year for my 4 insulin shots daily. How heavily are the government subsidising this?


That wouldn't work for most of us because it is only in the US that insulin and cancer drugs costs more than heroin.


There are drug dealers for i.e. Insulin. Smuggled to the states from Canada or Mexico, where it is astronomically cheaper, I’ve seen documentaries about it (Cant remember the names tho), but as with illegal drugs, there is no guarantee that they’ll work or wont kill you. Still there’s a lot of people who get their life-saving medicine from sketchy looking guys in an alley, just because lack of medical insurance makes them have to choose between that or death...


You are given a baby on your 21 first birthday, the child turns out to be you as a baby. Raising him won’t change your life, only his. How would you raise this child to give it a better life than the one you have? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Make him brush his damn teeth twice a day *edit - Good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!


>21 first birthday This hurts my brain


Send him to a Tibetan monastery to learn ancient martial arts so he can come back and be Batman.


don't tell him he's smart, instead praise his effort and hard work


Give it to my parents.


Lisa Simpson is easily the most famous female saxophone player of all time. (12/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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And the youngest. For a *very* long time.


Whose saxophone playing is performed by a man.


and squidward for clarinet... yikes


That’s sad


There is a well known saying that goes “Always give the hardest job to the laziest person because they will find the easiest way to do it” what is the best real-life example to this you have seen? (12/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Was a temp. Got hired for the day to print 30 packets with 100 pages each. Why would it take a day? I asked ‘Our printer doesn’t collate the pages so it will take you the day to sort the pages into the 30 packets” they said. Right. It was a standard office Xerox printer. It took me all of 30 seconds to find and click the ‘collate’ button. Clicked the ‘staple’ button while at it. All got printed by itself into nice stapled packets and I got paid to browse internet for the day. They thought I was a genius for ‘fixing’ their printer and gave me glowing recommendations to the temp agency that led to more jobs.


At my last job, a truck suspension shop, we did inventory every December and it was someone's job to count all the washers and screws of every size. It was my first inventory and I casually mentioned that they should just weigh one screw or washer, then weigh them all and divide the weight to get the count. Everyone looked at me like I had given them the key to the universe. Counting washers and screws went from a day or two, to just a few hours.


I read a comment on here a while back about a college kid who picked up an office job over one summer. He became friends with an older lady at the front desk who always needed help figuring out Excel. He kept finding shortcuts for her, and eventually wrote scripts for her that took a load of work off her plate. By the end of the summer he had made her job so easy that they decided they didn’t need her to do it anymore. They fired her.


I work in a semi-warehouse environment and we have to track where items are at all times. When we move X item from location A to location B we had to type out the to and from locations. We do this hundreds of times a shift. I went online to a free barcode maker website and spent about 20 minutes making location barcodes. I save hours a day by scanning barcodes.


Herding yak with a drone takes the cake for me. They run from it, and oddly fear it. Which is surprising considering they have literally zero aerial predators. We only did it a few times because it really makes them uneasy, and doesn't treat them well. But it is very effective and easy, and you can herd them from over 1/2 a mile a way from inside the house. edit: Im really surprised how much this blew up. Ive never had some many post replies, but Ill try to get around to answering as many questions as possible. My post history is predominantly yakking off and towerclimbing stuff, so Id suggest going there if youre curious.


In spongebob, there are times when Spongebob goes to work and Patrick is already there eating a Krabby Patty. This implies that there is another chef that works before Spongebob. (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Implies yes but might not be true. Remember they do have the Krabby Patty vault. Edit: you like gold coins don't you Squidward?


The patty vault.


Well, duh, squidward works there too and also Mr Krabs exists- he usually just does his management stuff, probably does the accounting and ordering and all that but almost certainly fills in occasionally so he doesn't have to hire another worker and can pocket more money.


Nosferatu, of course.


What about that episode where is a room full of already cooked patties? The one when Squidward explodes?


A lot of people’s lives are determined by where their teacher randomly assigned them to sit. (12/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I never actually thought about this until just now but my chemistry teacher in highschool changed our seating every month and it irritated everyone. However i had more friends in that class than i did in literally every other class throughout my entire HS career


I met my wife like that so I guess that works for me


It certainly had an impact on my life. Grade 5, first day of school, I got sat beside a new girl. I looked at her and asked where she lived and it was my street and I told her we’re going to be best friends. 25 years later she is still my best friend and we have been together through it all together. I hope we end up old ladies together mocking stuff from the front porch. Edit: Yeah, I’m going to be that person. . . Thank you for the award!


You think I assign seats randomly. I carefully seat students in groups based on their shared interests and personalities. I like to play friendship matchmaker.


Your great grandfather was placed by a pretty little girl who became your great grandmother. If he had been placed by Elmer Jones then you wouldn't exist right now.


When a starving predator is chasing prey they are both running for their lives. (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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What was that saying? In the Savanah if you are a gazelle and can't outrun the fastest hungry lion you are going to die. If you are a lion and can't outrun the slowest gazelle, you are going to die. Whether you are a lion or a gazelle you better be running.


This is why I can never pick a side in predator vs. prey videos...no matter what the outcome is, I get sad because I want them both to win 🙁


If a lion is chasing your party, you don’t have to be the fastest, you just have to be the second slowest, NOW DAMN IT GO RUN -my phys ED teacher


Ah, I see that you *also* saw the arctic rabbit thread.


Deer: Hey, you look a little old. Lion: Grr.. Just wait- Deer: What are you going to do? Eat me?


Adam Sandler builds up to a major acting performance once every ten years by slogging it in throw away comedies like he’s charging up his ultimate. (12/17/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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He's not slogging through anything. He prefers those movies, he produces them. It's more accurate to say he can only be bothered to put out a good acting performance once a decade and phones it in the rest of the time to hang out with friends and pay the bills with the rest of his movies.


I take it you just saw Uncut Gems?


I think the fact that he's stopped giving Rob Schneider pity-cameos is subconsciously helping the movies be better now UPDATE: I have received more Rob Schneider takes than I have ever cared to since posting this


I dont know why Adam Sandler gets so much hate. He likes to act, and likes to hang out with his friends. The dude found a way to do both and call the shots. Fucker is living the life.


Spanglish is a bi-national treasure.


How do you tell if someone is attracted to you or just being very friendly? (12/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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If they act the exact same way with other people, you’re out of luck.


Someone tells you years later.


As my dear old dad used to say: "Women who work for tips are NOT flirting with you"


If they're a cashier / waiter / clerk etc, don't get your hopes up.


I was once called into HR for allegedly flirting with an employee (not part of my own team). Her proof? I was always friendly, offered her milk to go with her coffee, and worst of all once at an after work, I bought a round of drinks for everyone (her included). The head of HR was a bit puzzled about the whole situation, and asked her what would she then suggest we do to resolve the situation, and she requested that I would stop being friendly to her - and just leave her be. This poor woman just could not accept that I was being friendly.


Anakin, Luke and Rey lived their entire childhoods in the deserts of a planet that has two suns and yet their skin remained pale white (12/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Midichlorians have a high SPF factor.


Rey grew up on Jakku, which only has one sun, not Tatooine


One sun cancel the other.


They lived underground for a fucking reason.


Luke & Obi Won had a half hour conversation about skin care in a New Hope but it was taken out last minute.


LPT: Learn excel. It’s one of the most under-appreciated tools within the office environment and rarely used to its full potential (12/20/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


I just got home from a christmas party at a company i just started with and one of the youngest accountants was introduced to me by everyone as "thats Nick, hes an absolute wizard with excel" including both the owners of the company. Cant buy that kind of reference


I used to be so bored in my job that I would create a horse racing game in excel by using rand and trunc to give me random numbers and if the number went above a certain threshold, the "horse" would move to another cell. I sometimes weighed different horses with higher probability. I started adding wagers and added or subtracted how much I would win. I then started putting in winning odds with higher payouts. And this all started because I automated most of my job with macros and batch scripts. Turned an 8 hour job into 1 hour tops. Good thing they never realized I could do this. Edit: fixed autocorrect errors.


For anyone who sucks at excel and reading this thread and feeling daunted, check out ExcelisFun on YouTube. His hour long vlookup and pivot table videos are gold. You will be better than most people at the office after those. Feel free to learn VBA and macros, but honestly I feel like if you want to learn those you might as well learn a programming language. Don’t be deterred by people in this thread telling you to learn VBA. I don’t know it that well and I’m consider myself to be very good at excel. If you want to learn it, there’s also ExcelVBAisFun on YT as well.


Index match instead of lookup btw


You are about to lose your virginity, what is the worst thing you could say as soon as it’s in? (12/19/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I think "Thanks" would make things sufficiently awkward.


Hold on. Gonna try and fit the balls in too


Thank you so much, it’s been a rough mating season


Yabba dabba doo here comes the goo


When I lost my v-card to my boyfriend as soon as he put it in he said luigi time. so maybe that


People living in small towns, what’s the recent scandal? (12/19/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Drama class was interrupted by a cow giving birth in the field across from the school.


A pigeon got caught in the supermarket and it made front page of local news website with ‘live updates’


My grandparents small town has had a recent outbreak of teenagers riding horses through the middle of downtown, while wearing nothing but facemasks. It has happened a total of three times now, always different kids, always different horses.


Our newly elected mayor (who is a school teacher as well) caused a head-on car crash injuring 2 small children in the other car. She was found to be drunk and it was 330pm on a weekday. The kicker: she wasn’t charged with a crime (as of yet) but she did resign after “considerable thought.” Edit: spelling


I left my small town years ago but I was home over thanksgiving and got an earful. The local grocery store was renovated/expanded after 30 years and now “everything’s moved and you can’t find nothing”. I was home for four days and literally every new social interaction with people in town involved the goddam grocery store and how awful it is now. Spoiler: it actually looks quite nice and they hang signs over the aisles telling you where things are. You know, like a grocery store.


What will you never tolerate? (12/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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People not flushing in public restrooms. I've had enough of their shit.


People asking me a question, then not listening to my answer. "What do you wanne eat" "I could go for some burger king" "Nah were going with pizza instead" Why ask if you don't give a fuck


Littering. There is no reason to do it.


Being accused of something that I did not do. The most trivial of wrongful accusations gets my blood boil.


Because of an epidemic Earth is going back into the Middle Ages. Only 1% of the population is still alive, and there’s no electricity. What skills or items do you have to help you survive the longest? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I think I am with the 99%.


I can make soap, cheese, and beer and if only 1% are alive I can safely steal my neighbours illegal still to make various alcohols.


Not my web development skills, that's for sure


Finally, all those years of Boy Scouts is about to pay off.


Well, I have a bow and I know how to make another one. Bowyers always had jobs in the Middle Ages


In fairytales, stepsisters are bad. In porn, stepsisters are good. (12/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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What happens in a porn with a fairytale plot?


w h a t a r e y o u d o i n g s t e p b r o


Honestly I'm not very trusting of porn plots. Take the one I'm watching right now. After a bunch of embarrassing questions from a female psychiatrist this lady has been diagnosed with nyphomania. But the psychiatrists treatment seems as if it'd exacerbate the problem, not solve it.


Stepbrother: "You boil the water and put it in there, Sarah. That's what you do!" Stepsister: "I don't know where the water is..."


IDK, I had a friend through college that used to sleep with his step sister. To be fair, they were dating in HS when their parents met and got married though.


You get 24 hours to prepare, and you get paid $10,000 to stay in your room for an entire week with no internet/data connection/television. Can’t leave. Do you do it? And if so, what do you do in the meantime? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Serious question: Would there be anyone that considers this more than a mild challenge? One week is nothing.


God I could finally sleep. 2 days of non stop sleep and the rest just playing offline games, reading books, and microwave meals. Heaven!


Stock up with books. Do some crafts, journaling, colouring books. One week does not sound that bad. The hardest will be isolation and not being able to talk to my family.


Easy, I'll load up with offline games and I'm good to go. A ton of books will help as well


An entire week with no internet? And I get paid for it? Where do I sign up? I've easily got a weeks worth of books to read all ready to go right now.


The Krabby Patty secret formula contains the secret to making cheeseburgers underwater without any cows. (12/18/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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That's where you're wrong me boy! it's actually made using crab meat.


The secret ingredient is crime


They use sea cows :'(


Eugene and his mom are the only crabs for a reason.


Maybe it's one of those plant-based patties.


LPT: Many smart phones have a feature that allow medical providers to access your medical information from a locked screen. However, many people don’t realize it exists so don’t fill it in. I’m a paramedic, and can assure you filling out that info can and has saved lives. (12/19/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


Fellow paramedic here. This has never, ever, ever been a thing that saved a life. If you have an allergy to a common medication you're likely to get in ER, please wear an allergy bracelet. If you're incapacitated we are absolutely not trying to go through your phone.


You can download apps that put emergency info on your lock screen such as ICE or In Case of Emergency. Also if you do not lock your phone, setup a contact called ICE with the number of your significant other or another emergency contact.


There sure seem to be a lot of other paramedics replying saying that this LPT is bogus. Medical emergency personal do not routinely check phones for medical info. edit: corrected spelling


Also a paramedic here. Nowhere in my entire career have I delayed care to look through someone’s phone for stuff that probably doesn’t even apply to why I was even called. Worst case scenario, if we do give you something that causes an allergic reaction (either because it’s an unknown allergy or someone is unresponsive), I cannot think of any jurisdiction that doesn’t carry epinephrine (for anaphylactic reactions, cardiac arrest, bradycardia, respiratory). While it’s a nice thing to fill out for appointments with a doctor for someone who has difficulty remembering their medical history, medications, and allergies, we will probably never look in someone’s phone for any of that. A nearly typed list on the fridge will do just fine. *neatly, not nearly. Autocorrect wasn’t picking up what I was putting down.


What kink did you think you had, until you tried it? [NSFW] (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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F here. Riding my M partner like a real champ. Felt amazing. I was feeling a little extra hot and I told him to slap me across the face. He did. And I instantly burst into tears.


Haha this made me think of that one post about some dude paying a hooker to shit on him because he thought he was into that. Edit: Thanks for the gold stranger!


Hell I'm in here looking for new ideas.


Having a (willing of course) sex slave. I thought it would be hot as hell to have a naked girl in the apartment following my every command. In the end though, it just felt awful. Instead of "Suck my fucking dick bitch!" it was "Suck my dick now! If...if you want to. Please?"


Thought I had a foot fetish until I actually tried playing with my girlfriend's feet. Turns out I just like how pretty feet look — from a distance.


The flavor of Dr. Pepper, animal crackers, and Swedish Fish are near impossible to describe, but they taste like the color they consist of. (12/17/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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And sprite tastes like when your foot falls asleep and you take a step.


I’m pretty sure Swedish Fish are lingonberry. And animal crackers are faintly nutmeg. And Dr Pepper is cola with cherry and amaretto.


I read this and initially imagined what all three would taste like together and it was not delicious


Dr Pepper tastes like a sexy battery.


Kinda weird that you can taste things just by thinking about them, now that I think about it.


[serious] They say everyone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about… so we should always be kind. What battle are you fighting? (12/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I don't know but I feel like I'm losing.


Diagnosed with 2 different types of cancer this year. And surgery, radiation. Starting to recover and figuring out what life will be like from here on out as I turn 40 in 3 months. Edit: woke up to so many encouraging words! Thank you so much. I’ve been extremely lucky with everything so far. I still have a lot to learn about my diagnosis of Mesothelioma and what it will exactly mean for me, but I’ve had a very encouraging result on my recent scan. Meeting with my oncologist this week and hopefully I will learn more.


My kid is dying. Incurable, fatal disease. My wife and I decided to tell no one, not even family, because at that point our little boy will find out, and why does he need to know? He just needs to be a little boy and enjoy the life he has. EDIT: Wow. I'm not a big poster and have never had a response like this. You all are awesome. Your kind words and thoughts mean more than you can imagine. He's 9 years old and has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. It means his muscles are slowly dying. He's weak and continuing to get weaker. Typical progression is that he will be unable to walk and be confined to a wheelchair sometime around age 12-13, and then his lungs and heart will stop working sometime around 20-25. Right now he's a happy little guy who just seems like he's un athletic. We tell him he has sick muscles (we see a lot of doctors, he's been in clinical trials, etc). Sometime in the next few years it will become obvious and we will tell him what's really going on. Doesn't seem like there's any hurry on that though. Again thank you all. Just talking about it here is cathartic, and I am grateful for your love and kindness.


It's been a while since my husband died and no one talks about him anymore, it's as though he never existed but I still grieve for him every single day. Edit: GOLD Thank you kind stranger.


Going through methadone treatment while my two brothers are still using drugs. I'm clean now but it's still a tough battle, especially because we live together. I appreciate all the support and kind words reddit peeps. I'm in the middle of tapering down already, 30 mg left, and if anyone is facing a similar struggle just know YOU CAN DO IT! You're the master of your own destiny.


Men of Reddit. What are some mistakes women make during sex? (12/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I have an ex that used to keep sleeping with the wrong dude.


Leaning back too far when on top. Some dicks aren’t that flexible when fully erect. If I’m starting to sit up when you lean back, it’s because my shit’s about to break off.


You ever have a girl up on top come down wrong and bend your dick in half? Because I have. If there is a hell, I know what pain awaits.


My balls are not stress toys, please don't squeeze them so hard! edit: thank you kind strangers for the silver!


Don't be afraid to tell us what you want. If you don't feel anything in a certain position or angle of insertion, let us know and switch it up. It has the added benefit of extending our stamina when switching positions.


Some people find it odd that penguins give each other rocks despite us humans doing the same thing, just more fancy (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Human's are Just under a lot more pressure.


Engagement rings, especially ones with diamonds, are mostly an American phenomenon. And before World War II, only 10% of American engagement rings contained a diamond. In many countries, only wedding rings are exchanged, most often simple golden bands without gems.


Actually I think the reason humans find it so odd is because it's so... human-like. We don't expect such humanesque behavior from non-human animals


A penguin will search a rock bed filled with millions of little pebbles until they find the perfect one to give to their mate. Humans look on a catalog or in a store and then are pressured into either: buying something they can't afford, or something that they can but by societies standards may not be *"good enough."* If you ask me, nameless person, the rocks penguins present are far more fancy and valuable. Plus you know... Penguins mate for life.


...and a lot more expensive.


LPT: Reddit can be just as addicting, and mentally damaging as other social media. Take a step back every once in a while (12/15/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


And take everything you read with a grain of salt. Random people are commenting everywhere, some might be experts in what they're talking about, but most are not.


But how else will I not get my work done and procrastinate?


At least when I get overwhelmed by stupidity on Reddit I loose faith in humanity generally and not my friends and family.


My feelings on it is that the most toxic part is karma There's little rhyme or reason why a particular post will take off or die in new. Even assuming it's a high quality post there's so many other factors outside of that that dictate whether it takes off. Even though we all know karma is just fake Internet points we still get invested in it, sometimes too much


What is something everyone should know how to do at age 30? (12/21/2019) ~ AskReddit

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not throw water on a grease fire


Accept responsibility for their mistakes.


Shut your mouth. Not every thought is appropriate in every situation. Know what to say and when it's okay to say it


Laundry. It amazes me how many grown ass adults still rely on their parents to do their laundry.


Have a hobby that doesn't make life miserable and can help balance out work life stress (if any)


Forcing websites to have cookie warning is training people to click accept on random boxes that pop up. Forming dangerous habits, that can be used by malicious websites. (12/17/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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You click accept?


My foster parents are already conditioned to close any pop-ups (partially) because of this. Whenever they ask me for help with a computer issue, they instinctively close/accept a pop up right as it opens, even when it describes what the problem is. So I'm like "wait, what did that pop-up say?" and my foster father is like "...I don't know? Why?"


*I am over 18*


LPT: There is a browser extension, 'I don't care about cookies' that automatically blocks all 'cookies' related popup boxes.


Term and Conditions have been doing this for YEARS!


Those that are bilingual, what have you heard from others that don’t realize you can understand them? (12/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I’m French. I was in NYC, on top of the Empire State Building and a young couple was standing next to me admiring the view, the guy turns to his gf and says in French "ahh I need to shit so bad". I couldn’t not laugh.


Had a customer speaking korean and I heard them say the coffee was good and I said thank you in korean. They were super nice and tipped more than I thought they should have.


Strangers in my city. They were German and I am half German half Italian (I live in Italy guys) and they asked me in english where they had to go to reach the city center. I told them where (in english again) and than put my headphones on,but I could hear them say: "look,I told you,not every Young person is bad. For example this girl:she could have ignored us but she helped us" (in German) they were an old couple. I love these two.


Hard to describe but I thought it was adorable. I was at a weekend retreat for people studying Sign Language. It was held at a residential school for the deaf and the children were away at home but a few teenagers were hanging around. A couple of the teen boys were trying to flirt with a girl. I wasn’t paying close attention, and I’m not fluent anyway, but I could tell one boy was asking the other boy to talk to the girl for him, probably because he was too shy to talk to her himself. Finally I "overheard" (oversaw?) the boy ask her "What is your weight?" The girl looked confused and a little disgusted. He repeated the question. The first boy slapped the second boy's hands away and emphatically signed "What is your NAME?" The girl was happy enough to answer that and I was glad none of them could hear me laugh out loud.


I started dating a girl and decided I'd learn her language (Punjabi) but I obviously didn't tell her because I wanted to keep it a surprise. Anyways, that's how I found out she was cheating on me because I overheard her conversation with her friend. 8 months of effort gone in vain.


What is a question you wish people wouldn’t ask you? (12/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Why are you wasting your time doing [something that I enjoy doing] ?


As a single dad, I wish people wouldn't ask me about my son's mother. 9 times out of 10, they just want gossip.


When are you getting married?


"wHaT cOlOr Is ThIs??" immediately after learning I'm color blind. Edit: I'd like to thank my mom and grandpa for the genes that got me this silver. Also thanks rando!


"How's your love life going?" It hasn't been going for years. You know this.


The illustrator of “Where’s Waldo” could have wasted millions of hours of people’s lives if he just left Waldo out of one of the books (12/18/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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He could have gotten away with it to if after a few years he said that Waldo was actually the friends we made along the way.


Waldo was never there. He was in our hearts the entire time. Except for fucking Billy who circled him in ink on the library copy. Fuck you Billy.


Or just create the page where everyone looks like Waldo.


Nah, people would have caught on if it was a whole book like that. Leave him out of the odd picture every now and again, and you would really mess with people.


I'm too lazy to look it up, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is, at least, 1 Waldo page/picture in some book where Waldo is missing. Would certainly be entertaining.


Men of reddit, what’s a thing that can be scary about being a man? (12/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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No assumed support network. Too many men become isolated and lonely because they cannot share their emotions with their friends. Government services will also put you right to the bottom of every list so don't become homeless.


The first time one of your balls ascends into your groin


Fear of failing the people who are depending on you.


Being seen as a child predator simply for being a man near children. Whenever I see a child that might be lost, I need to remind myself not to help no matter how much I want to because "strange man approaching child" looks bad to too many people. One day, while shopping with my wife, I noticed a small child without her mother who seemed upset. Ignoring my usual restraint, I approached her to see if she was alright. All of a sudden, her mother emerged from behind a corner, called her over, and gave me a nasty look. I guarantee that had my wife been the one approaching this little girl, she would have been seen as "caring and motherly", not "evil person who wants to snatch a small child for perverted reasons."


Prostate cancer


LPT: Thinking of moving? Google “military BAH” for an idea on how much it costs to live somewhere (12/15/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


Additional note- you’ll want to search by rank to determine the average. As a good baseline for most people, filtering by “E5” and “with dependents” will give you the middle range of average rent imo. If you want to be pessimistic or frugal, just filter for “E5” and “without dependents” for a lower average.


As another poster mentioned, use the E5 pay with dependents amount for an accurate estimate. That's the rate the VA pays veterans using the GI Bill for college. Edit: Some people have been commenting about the BAH rates decreasing for those using the post 9/11 GI Bill, and I would like to clarify on this. Up until 2018, if you went to a university with multiple campus locations, your BAH would reflect the rate of the mother campus, not where you may actually be living. For example if you went to University of WA in Tacoma, you would be receiving the Seattle BAH rate since that's where the main campus is. Now they've changed that so you're getting paid on where you actually live and go to schoo. The change was delayed due to technical issues with implementation until Dec 1 this year. Now, some people may see a decrease in their rate, while others may actually see an increase or no change.


This is original and a genuine pro tip. Thank you.


Also, MIT's living wage calculator.


LPT: Don’t put yourself down in order to compliment someone, ESPECIALLY children (12/17/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


I’d like to second the comment about praising effort over talent. It’s disheartening to focus and work hard on something for a long time, only to have people talk about it like you’re so lucky or that it must come easy to you. That being said, I’ll still take whatever compliments I can get.


I think it's so important to demonstrate to kids that it's okay to not be amazing at something, but that practice can make you better at it! That's why praising effort is so important. I know a family where the daughter is always asking her parents for validation, and the parents always act like whatever she wants to show them is the most amazing thing/act they've ever seen. And it's like... The reason your daughter is so desperate for your approval is because she can smell your BS as well as any of the adults around. She wants your *real* approval, not your fake amazement.


It actually does another thing worse than those examples. Over-praising (saying “you’re the best” at everything) has been proven to turn out children that are afraid to try new things, that fear failure, and that avoid tackling new skills that they are not yet “the best” at. When your baseline is perfection, trying new things you are not yet good at feels bad and is not rewarding. This means you lack persistence, which is a key factor to success. Instead children should be praised for their effort and for earned successes, not some unearned generic “you’re great” statements.


I made it a habit to tell kids I meet (I have small kids myself, so plenty) how I suck at something, but I'm good in fixing the car, or your heating, it doesn't matter if you can't do something supergood. No one can do *everything* supergood And that I'm clumsy, and forgetful, chaotic, and I'm doing *alright*, so don't stress about it.


Unbeknownst to you, the gift you bought your SO for Christmas this year is cursed. What is going to happen when they open it? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Her brand new throw blanket will always leave her toes uncovered


Settlers of Catan goes full Jumanji and sucks us into the game


I got her a really snuggly jumper that is meant to keep her cosy and warm over winter. It's definitely going to get a whole lot itchier


I'm going to get him gift vouchers. He'll spend it in store but there will always be a little left on the voucher that he can't spend because it's not enough. So he ends up with 5 gift vouchers with $17.88 in total left and he won't want to throw them away because that's almost twenty dollars, but each card only has like $3.65 on it and it's really irritating.


I bought my GF a dildo. I've seen enough hentai to know what happens next.


You accidentally fall into a cryogenics chamber, and don’t get opened until the year 3000. Technology is so advanced, that everything you knew is now completely primal. What are you doing on your first day? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Go to a museum. Look at what I have missed.


Selling the 1984 quarter I had in my pocket to rich ass people who love historic items.


Sell my knowledge of 1000 years ago to a historical society.


Befriend a robot, accidentally wander into a suicide chamber, become a delivery boy, fall in love with a one-eyed mutant karate lady.


Finding out how much money I have in my stock account.


Someone was given $300 million and could have done some good in the world, but instead they made the movie CATS (12/21/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I know someone who worked on the movie as part of the animation team. The studio were universally praised for execution, but they all knew it was a shitty movie from the beginning, after seeing the art style


If I was given $300M I’d still make CATS but reduce the budget to $150M then use the remaining money to make CATS 2.


I feel sorry for the people who have worked on it, as technically it's quite impressive. It's like having Einstein work on a poop throwing trebuchet


that movie makes me angry whenever i see its commercial on tv


They all look like Mike Myers in Cat in the Hat. Did *no one* notice that when making this thing?!


In Monsters Inc, the only reason why nobody can understand Boo is because she’s speaking English and all the monsters are speaking another language but it’s been translated to English. (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Or because she’s a toddler


no because when they travel from door to door in the human world. there are still humans speaking english (eg. the camper van dude). boo is just a child that cant speak properly yet.


Every movie that takes place in a setting where English isn't commonly spoken is actually taking place in another language. Slum Dog Millionaire - They're all really speaking Hindi, but the movie is in English so there's the suspension of disbelief.


Interesting theory. I always thought its because she is a small child and has an limited vocabulary. Children around 1.5 sound like her. Picking up only a few words they repeat them constantly.


Interesting theory but that'a not true. Mike and the laughing crew have to tell jokes in english at the end of the movie. Boo is just talking baby language.


Redditors who work at food banks, what is best to donate, what do you always need? (12/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I volunteer to food banks that also donate essential things. That we always need : Pads and tampons. We always lack those. And Diapers. Both for babies, and for older people. Also cleaning products. If they have a home, they need things to clean it, if only to feel better in it. When it comes to food what we often lack is things that can be eaten cold or don't need preparation. Too many people live in their cars or in the street. They don't have access to pans, stove, microwaves, anything you'd find in a kitchen really. We could also do with more things for single people. Family-size is great for families. But for people who are alone, it means that once open it will either go to waste or more likely have someone eat something that had gone bad. We do still need the usual food, family-size things etc etc. But we ran out of what I have listed more often than other stuff.


Cash. They can get items for cheaper than consumers. I worked in a combo food shelf/home goods shelf and underwear, socks, and hygiene items like deodorant were very popular. Also, pet food!


In order of preference; 1. Cash, since the buying power of the foodbank is greater than what you can give. Sometimes by a factor of 2-3. 2. Hygiene Items. Depending on what your regional food bank is, many of the regional ones only have food, so any type of hygiene items (especially feminine products) is a huge help. 3. Paper and cleaning products (soap, laundry detergent). These are not often considered necessary items, but not having to pay for them frees up a lot of money for someone who is having a hard time. 4. Your time. Most foodbanks have dedicated volunteers who are familiar with the processes and the people going to the food bank. If you are going to go once, do what you are told and otherwise keep out of the way. Becoming a regular volunteer is better.


Not exactly what OP was asking but I was a frequent volunteer at food banks. They would always tell us that whatever we donate, remember to donate during the spring and summer. Hunger still continues beyond the holiday season


Just volunteered last week! One item they needed more if was things ready to eat right out of the package because they send those to the schools for lunch assistance programs. I mean you could hand a kid a box of dry macaroni, but they’d have no way to cook it there.


What’s the dumbest thing someone has told you? (12/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Friend in high school told me he didn’t take the SAT because he heard it’s easier the second time How does that make fucking sense Edit: He said this about 6/7 years ago. His life turned out exactly how you’d imagine it would after saying that


That windshield wipers wear out faster in the middle, because that’s the part you look through the most often, as if your sight is an energy beam that degrades the rubber or something.


That birds are mammals because they have meat.


That direction can’t be north because it’s diagonal and north has to be in a straight line. What?


"Why are people Canadian?"


The most unrealistic thing about Spiderman is that Peter Parker’s never been teased for having the initials “P.P.” (12/18/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Stan Lee did that with a lot of his characters because he felt it was easier to remember their names. Lots of comic book creators did the alliteration thing. Clark Kent. Lois Lane. Matt Murdoch. Stephen Strange. Reed Richards. Susan Storm. Doctor Doom. Bruce Banner. Silver Surfer. And on and on....


But he has been teased about his peter tingle


Nah he did. But the web-less elementary school story was way less interesting in the series called “Spider-Man”


Or that his dad's name is Dick Parker.


I went to high school with someone with those initials and we never thought of it. The closest we got to it was P squared.


[Serious] People who enter other peoples’ homes as a part of your job, (Maintenance workers, etc.) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen inside someone’s home? (12/19/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I was on a ride along with a fire department. We responded to “smell of smoke” in an apartment building. We found the apartment fast enough because the fire alarm was going off inside. We walk in to find this guy naked as the day he was born passed out on the floor in front of the tv with porn on way louder than it should be and the remnants of a pizza in the oven. Edit: Thanks for the silver guys! Ok to answer some questions. The gentlemen I question was very drunk. There were beer cans all over the kitchen and a bottle of liquor on the floor next to him. To wake him up we actually all left and the fire chief woke him in his daily uniform so he didn’t think he was being abducted. Lastly, this was in Fargo, North Dakota about 14 years ago.


So this isn’t weird, but it was the most shocking. I was working with adults with intellectual disabilities that lived in residential homes. It was one of my first weeks in the job and a co worker was taking me out to a home to show me what she did when she did home reviews. We get to the house, open the door, and a we are instantly hit with a wall of air smelling like Feces. Two steps in and it was apparent; there was diarrhea on a chair, on the carpet and random splotches all over. The whole house was in shambles. The fridge was full of moldy foods, and I’ll never forget picking up the shredded cheese, shaking the bag, and seeing green mold flakes go up and down. Food was splattered all over the cabinets, the beds were stained with urine and feces and expired canned food was found everywhere. The staff there had been neglecting those guys for a long time and no one had bothered to check up on them.


Used to work for a concrete company, and our mixer trucks would sometimes damage property. Typically my partner and I did maintenance on the plants, but we’d get sent to job sites to unfuck whatever the drivers did. So while at one house, we had to tear up the driveway, replace the culvert and repour the end of the driveway. The first day we were there, all the old snoopy neighbors were standing around watching us, and I had to piss pretty bad. So I asked the homeowner if I could use his bathroom. He said sure, and led me through his house, past a bathroom, into the bathroom in the master bedroom. Already creeped out by that. Oh, also I noticed cameras all over the place. Some pointed out windows, some pointed into the rooms. Creep factor leveled up. So he leads me to the bathroom, opens the door and holds it for me, like you would at a store, when someone is behind you. I say thanks, he still stands there. I had to walk past him and yank the door closed. While leaving, I notice a bedroom decked out in kid stuff. This would normally not toss up any flags. Grandkid’s room probably.. right? But with all the added creepiness, it just didn’t seem normal at all. Told my partner, he laughed and pointed out there was probably cameras in the bathroom. If either of us had to piss after that, we drove down to the gas station. (Edit time for clarification) So this was around 15 years ago. We are talking camcorders on tripods, not your cutetsy nanny cams. Old guy was single, and this wasn’t a very “kid friendly” set up as far as foster homes go. The part about him holding the door for the bathroom- imagine going to a restaurant and there’s a group of people with you and you hold the door open for them. This was what I was talking about. Except he didn’t seem to have any intentions on closing it, hence me snatching it from him.


Cleaning a huge condo for a wealthy book publisher, the owner felt that cats were sacred, so they had suspended walkways through the entire 6k sq ft condo for the two cats to walk on, so they could move through every room without having to touch the floor, additionally every 12 feet or so in each room, they had a cat balcony the cats could sit on made out of real crystal, we weren't allowed to touch them as they were valued at $10,000 apiece.


Service plumber here. At the house of an elderly lady (at least 75 yrs old) and there’s naked pictures of her on all the walls and several dildos all about. It was interesting.


If Willy Wonka made cheesecakes instead of chocolate, how would the story of “Charlie and the Cheesecake Factory” be different? (12/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Oompa oompa doopity dive, This glass of Coke costs $8.95


Half the movie would be the kids flipping through the menu deciding what to eat.


The movie would've been a lot darker. I've never walked into a well lit cheesecake factory in my life.


Grandpa Joe's lazy ass wouldn't be struck by a miracle when the ticket comes. Shout out to /r/grandpajoehate


Wonka is looking for a successor because he is lactose intolerant


There are billions of lasers that missed their targets zipping through the Star Wars galaxy. (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Gunnery Chief: This, recruits, is a 20-kilo ferrous slug. Feel the weight. Every five seconds, the main gun of an Everest-class dreadnought accelerates one to 1.3 percent of light speed. It impacts with the force of a 38-kilotomb bomb. That is three times the yield of the city buster dropped on Hiroshima back on Earth. That means Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son-of-a-BUS in space. Now! Serviceman Burnside! What is Newton's First Law? First Recruit: Sir! A object in motion stays in motion, sir! Gunnery Chief: No credit for partial answers, maggot! First Recruit: Sir! Unless acted on by an outside force, sir! Gunnery Chief: Damn straight! I dare to assume you ignorant jackBUSSES know that space is empty. Once you fire this hunk of metal, it keeps going till it hits something. That can be a ship, or the planet behind that ship. It might go off into deep space and hit somebody else in ten thousand years. If you pull the trigger on this, you're ruining someone's day, somewhere and sometime. That is why you check your damn targets! That is why you wait for the computer to give you a damn firing solution! That is why, Serviceman Chung, we do not "eyeball it!" This is a weapon of mass destruction. You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip! Second Recruit: Sir, yes sir!


Would make a fun fan edit...show a space battle, shots miss, cut to a wholesome scene light years away, random laser blast lands.


Plasma bolts, and they are affected both by gravity and thermal decay. There's a recent example in the Mandalorian. Mando states that 'at this range, my armour can take it' or something along those lines.


It's a plasma bolt.


Imagine being a space trucker hauling a load of hypercabbage to a non-agrarian world when your shit gets blown up by a stray round. Sad.


What is the most useless invention you have seen? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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You often see this advertisement about the wrist band that gives you electric shocks as a punishment if you try to break a bad habit, like smoking. This is called aversion therapy. Well, this electric shock wrist band has no magical sensors to detect when you are doing what you want to stop and you have to push a button to give you the electric shock. If you would just use rubber band around your wrist and let it slap on your wrist as a punishment, you would basically get the same result for a fraction of the price of the electric shock band.


So in my Giant store, they have a robot that randomly turns on and rolls around the store looking for messes, and when it finds one it just stands there, and does nothing. Just standing there waiting for someone to clean up the mess


Saw Bluetooth dice on kickstarter a few days ago..


The toilet sloping 13 degrees downwards, making it painful to sit on for more than a few minutes.


Last year for Christmas my insane aunt gave me a breakfast sandwich maker. I sold it before I used it, but the instructions made it look like you had to cook everything first, and then you insert the food in some slots and it will stack them up to make a sandwich. Stupidest thing I’ve ever seen


Matt Groening could be a time traveler who created the Simpson’s to warn us, and created Futurama to describe his own world. (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Bite my glorious golden ass


In one of the first few episodes of futurama Fry goes to the phone booth which is now a suicide booth and it says something like your favorite suicide booth since 2008. Later in the same season (1) the gang goes to Old New York City where they show wall street, the stocks crashing and a bunch of people jumping out the windows of a building. The first season of futurama was from 1998 or 1999 2008 there was a huge stock market crash. I feel like I'm the only one who finds it odd that a decade before it happened groening and the writers of the show reference both the year 2008 and then reference the stock market crashing. I guess what sticks out to me is why use the year 2008 specifically? The show takes place 1000 years in the future they could've picked any random number between 2000-3000 but they just so happen to randomly pick the year that the stocks actually did crash and then just randomly show imagery of the stock market crashing? That's quite a coincidence...


But then what does Disenchanted represent?


Holy shit


No man you can't change the past. He's actually the one causing all this giving everyone "ideas". Paradox my friend


Everyone always looks at earlier humans as primitive and dumb, but they did everything right to make sure our species succeeded. (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Its a widly recognized fact in historical circles that (biologically speaking) modern humans are no different from humans who lived 10k years ago. What we have that they dont is thousands of years of trial and error and knowledge accumulated by our ancestors. They were not stupid, they just lived in a different world, one in which most modern humans wouldn't last a day in. (that would be a fantastic reality show if we could time travel) Ever tried making a stone tool? Its hard work, and takes a lot of knowledge about the correct type of stone (and where to find it) how to shape it, and how to sharpen it. Not to mention, we know very little about a huge portion of human history. The stone age, should maybe more accurately be called the "wood age" but wood doesnt survive except in rare conditions, so all we find is maybe 10% of the picture, the tools made of stone and sometimes bone. (again, depending on the soil qualities and a bunch of other factors ) Tl;dr: not everyone thinks that early man was stupid, just people who dont think about it for too long.


I don't look at early humans as dumb. They invented spoken language, music, art, architecture, and so many other fundamental underpinnings of every culture.


They knew what foods were edible, how to access clean drinking water, how to navigate with the stars, how to grow crops without any aid, etc. They certainly weren't stupid like people like to make them out to be.


An actually good shower thought


Another fact: Every single ancestor that came before literally fucked their way to you.


You have to be somewhat smart to know how dumb you are (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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It's called the Dunning-Kreuger Effect. Not only do dumb people make more mistakes without catching them, failing to get better, but they are also less able to judge their own level of competence. Those effects combine and magnify, leading to the DKE.


I must be a genius then because I know I’m an idiot.


That's why dumb people think they are smart and why smart people, while they do acknowledge they are smart, realise they don't know it all and there is so much still to learn and improve on.


The more we learn the more questions we have.


Nope, not me, just the dumb without any of the smart


Cinnamon is technically sawdust (12/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Oh fuck


I honestly do not have a rebuttal. This is r/technicallythetruth


Explains why breathing it hurts!


Wouldn’t it technically only be saw dust if it was dust caused by a saw?


Thin crust pizza is cheese and crackers with extra steps.


When did the “class clown” take it too far? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Pulled out a chair from underneath a kid thinking it would be really funny when the kid fell. The kid ended up falling and cracking his head open and getting around 30 stitches.


Lit a Roman candle on our bus ride home. Cops showed up and he went right out the back door and kept running. Never came back to school Edit: Wow didnt think think this was gonna blow up... Edit: Thanks for the silver Edit: to answer some of the questions about this kid although he was always nice to me he was a typical tough acting senior , wore a leather jacket and black combat boots to school everyday. if my memory serves me correctly one of our teachers told us the cops found him hiding in his tree fort.


In a high school classroom with a chill teacher, someone made a joke about another kid’s dick being small. So, that kid exposed himself in front of the whole class to prove that it was large. He got suspended.


He yelled at my English teacher from across the room “Your puns are more cancerous then <girl’s name>” She was terminally ill with cancer and never came back to school after that day.


Kid was always doing dumb "stunts" just to make people laugh he got sick of climbing on/in random things and jumping stairs one day and decided it'd be funny to smack into walls. His first few walls were fine as they were all concrete. There was a girl crying in the hallway and he figured he could make her laugh by making a funny face and tackling the glass door... He went through the door and needed stitches leaving splatters of blood and broken glass on the way to the office.


There is a scratch and sniff map of the United States, what does your state smell like? (12/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I'm from New Jersey and I don't want to play this game


Paper with a hint of toner. I think my map is broken.


Old Bay seasoning.


Green chilies and failure Edit: only because I saw some bullshit about Colorado and California Chile you can kick rocks with that nonsense. Hatch valley green Chile is the only chile that matters.


Corn mostly, but there's 3 or 4 spots that smell like exhaust fumes.


Would a super cute purring affectionate cat right now improve your mood? Why or why not? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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My cat is currently yowling outside the door. When I go to bed, she will follow me, jump up onto my chest and start kneading my larynx and purring. It's nice to be loved, but I have a few suggestions for her. She is not receptive to them.


My cat just climbed into my lap and is purring so i’d say yes. Whenever I have my hand resting on my lap he climbs on top of it. He’s a good cuddle cat. 16 pounds of fluff


No I'm allergic to cats One of the saddest times in my childhood was when I got a beautiful kitten. It made me very sick. I had to give it back


Yes. I lost my super affectionate lap cat last month and even though I still have the other cat, she is much more reserved and less demonstrative than her departed " sister".


Absolutely. Mine is about to get back from the vet after having an emergency procedure performed on his urinary system and I would kill to hear his purr.


If flying economy is one of the most expensive ways to feel poor, what’s one of the cheapest ways to feel wealthy? (12/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Ordering avocado without asking if it's extra, and when they say "that's an extra .50" say "i don't care".


Getting tickets to anything last minute during a snowstorm. I live in Boston, and you wouldn’t believe where you can sit at a Bruins game or an opera for next to nothing when all the folks from the burbs realize they can’t make it at like 3pm for a 7pm thing. Edit because of all the attention and questions, a clarification, this is secondary market (people selling their tickets because they can’t make it) on websites like SeatGeek, Stubhub, Ticketmaster, and Craigslist not primary market (venues generally doesn’t drop prices because it pisses folks who paid full freight and season ticket-holders off). Also this isn’t just a dusting, or even a normal snowfall that gets plowed quickly, it’s when local news starts talking about BLIZZARD, it’s when schools get closed, and more importantly it’s enough snow to make getting back to the suburbs a potential nightmare so people decide to stay home and get whatever they can for their tickets so they don’t sit on the highway for two hours. Also once you get in keep an eye out for empty seats and you can probably move to even better ones.


Tailored clothing. Taking in the sides of a shirt or pants is pretty easy with a sewing machine, some tutorials, and practice. I learned all the basic stuff from a YouTube channel called Stylish Dad.


Well trained wait staff can make you feel like a millionnaire. Paid a minimal amount recently to hear a talk and have lunch at a historical house hotel that is posh enough to host heads of state. For what we paid I expected lunch to be a buffet served in the cafe at the spa. Nope, two courses with silver service, served in a wonderful Georgian room looking out over the 15th century parkland. Treated as though we were the most important people in the world. The talk was interesting, but the hospitality was priceless.


Book a hotel in Las Vegas during the week. Pick like a Tuesday night. There is a big supply-demand problem in Vegas- they need enough rooms to host a ton of folks on the weekends, but weekdays are usually way less busy- so rooms can be had for pennies on the dollar. You can snag a five star hotel for 30-40 bucks, if you time it right, per night. Then, learn the $20 trick. For $58, I stayed in a penthouse suite in a 5-star hotel on the Las Vegas strip, and have had 100% success rate with the trick over multiple stays.


What is a non-sexual equivalent of premature ejaculation? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Singing the chorus too early when there’s actually still another verse first.


Telling someone you love them on the first date


dominos falling before you want them to


Selling Apple shares in 1995


Laughing before a joke during a movie you know.


Spilling hot coffee on yourself wakes you up way faster than drinking it. (12/18/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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This is a good one


Hmm good idea. *proceeds to get third degree burns from spilling everyone’s coffee into me*


It also gives you a reason not to go to work/school


New business idea: alarm clock that dumps a cup of coffee on you if the smell doesn't wake you before it's done brewing.


Also drinking it cold, as it tastes so awful


If everyone on Earth believed in Santa Claus, no one on Earth would receive gifts from Santa Claus. (12/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Not with that attitude...




There's 4 stages of Santa Claus: 1. You believe in Santa. 2. You don't believe in Santa. 3. You become Santa. 4. You look like Santa.


What are you saying?


That is the shit I don't get in Christmas movies. The parents are like 'Santa don't exist' but aren't at all puzzled that there are presents they didn't buy under the tree


If you stole the Coca Cola secret formula, then made a soda publically using the same ingredients. Coca Cola wouldn’t be able to sue you without declassifying its secret recipe! (12/17/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I feel like the moment you started making your own coke you’d find yourself at the bottom of a lake with your feet tethered to blocks.


The actual secret ingredient is marketing


They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.


False. Many court cases happen under seal. This is common in trade secret lawsuits. If that weren’t the case, it would be very difficult to enforce those laws. By the way, if you figured out the recipe yourself without stealing it, it would be perfectly legal to share it in the United States. Source: am an intellectual property lawyer


Just buy a few thousand bottles, re-bottle it and release it as you limited edition stuff and wait for the court case to start! You can bring them down, OP!


Those of you who were around in the 70s, what was it like seeing Star Wars for the first time? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I was 13 and it was amazing to see something that looked ‘real’. The dirt and grime on everything, it felt like a whole real universe. No shiny silver suits and big finned rockets. The designs were amazing and Vader was the first ‘cool’ bad guy. And of course the lightsabers just blew everyone away.


It was more awesome than you could possibly imagine. I was 10. We talked about it and played out scenes and lines from the movie for months.


In my small town theater, Star Wars was the only thing playing for what I remember to be over 2 months. I would scrape together enough to buy a ticket ($1.25) and I would walk downtown and watch Star Wars 3-4 times a week. In all, I saw Star Wars several dozen times during it's first run. The very first time I saw it, I remember being in awe at the size of the Star Destroyer. I was hooked from the very beginning.


I saw it in the theater when I was 5. It's one of my first fond memories.


i actually quit a job to go see the opening in my area. &#x200B; it was a shitty busboy job at some horrid restaurant in a mall. A York Steak House, actually. I told them i was going. they said they couldn't get anyone else to work that night, i said goodbye. &#x200B; it was a generational jump in movies, at the time.


The generation that popularized electric can openers probably shouldn’t be calling anyone lazy. (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Have you used an electric can opener? Opening it with a manual can open is usually much easier. Maybe I just keep buying crap electric ones, though.


I remember visiting a friends place in the 90s and thinking about how rich they were because they had an electric can opener


The generation who ate so much canned food that they had to electrify it makes fun of avocado toast, because the taste center of their brain died of boredom decades ago.


I don't know what generation you're slagging, but my can opener is operated by hand and I've owned it since the '90s.


And microwaves.


If you sat on your voodoo doll, you wouldnt be able to get back up again. (12/21/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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If you ate your voodoo doll, you would eventually feel like shit.


Can I jack off my voodoo doll to get a hands free nut


I wonder what the best way to kill yourself using a voodoo doll would be? I imagine sitting on it would be a bad way to go.


I'd assume you can still somewhat shift your weight around. from there it'd just be a snowball effect. Put all your energy into shifting a bit to the side, now that side is lighter on the voodoo doll so it's easier to shift. Lighter > Shift > Lighter > Shift. Eventually you'd get to that critical point where you can just flop over and/or get off your arm and you can get out.


You softlocked the game


There are probably people that are naturally gifted in something that hasn’t been invented yet. (12/18/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Or in something that's obsolete.


Like fucking in space?


If you invent a new sport, you can very quickly rise to the top ranked position in that sport. And that’s why I’m the world champion at Slim Jim Face. This sport involves balancing Slim Jims on my nose like a dog and then eating them without using my hands. I’m only the human world champ, though. If dogs are ever allowed into the rankings, I’d drop significantly. But that’s unlikely because guess who controls the official Slim Jim Face rules and rankings?


I’m really good at doing stuff mentally. Now if they can just make an add on like a 3-d mental printer im set


Jokes on you I suck at everything, incuding speling


Everyone would love puberty if it took you to a “Customize your Character” Screen (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Hell am I happy that I didn't get to customise my character during puberty. Assuming you'd be stuck with the look for the rest of your life.


6th grade weeb me would ruin the rest of my own fucking life


Dick size: base 2 max 2 Me: 🙁




I don't know if it was a good idea for the puberty version of me to let me choose how I want to look like for the rest of my life. I mean, if it's customization like in a video game, I would be fucked today.


If you are waiting till New year’s to make a change, it’s not important to you (12/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Straight up I made a midyear resolution to quit buying shit from gas stations except gas. I gave up energy drinks and I haven't smoked cigarettes in a month. I use to spend over 10$ a day at a gas station. It's hard as hell but better to start the day you first have the thought than keep telling yourself to put it off. Edit: thanks for the support everyone. And thanks for the silver particularly kind stranger!


This one hit me, dude. Maybe you're right. I keep telling myself I'll make a change at the new year. "what's one more month?" Good shit. Time to make a change today.


I was saying to get a job and a GF next year......4 years ago


perhaps. but it can be that i am very lazy and setting a start date helps. besides, holidays are draining the life out of me...


And if you go back to your old habit on Jan 2nd, it's not important either...


Your teeth can rot if you are alive, but they stay the same when you die (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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It's cause you stop brushing your teeth, that 1/10 dentist was right all along.


Because they are no longer exposed to high levels of sugar and stuff the things which eat your teeth live on.


Yes, cuz u ain't eating tootsie rolls to ruin ur teeth when u ded. Good obs


I was wondering if I would have to brush the bodies teeth in my basement


To the other comments: yes, I think everyone is aware that you stop eating when you die. That's not how showerthoughts work. Thank you for your mechanistic insight though.


Meanwhile online: 35-year olds pretend to be teens for trolling purposes and actual teens pretend to be 35-year olds so they can troll what they think are 35-year olds, but who are actually other teenagers who think they are trolling some 35-year old geezer. (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Geezer at 35.. ouch.


>some 35-year old geezer. Small tear rolls down my cheek.


I'm 46. Imma go put my head in the oven.


reading this gave me a headache


As a 36 year old...*who* has the energy for trolling? I mean, really.


What is a company that you would advise people not to buy products from and why? (12/19/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Epson. I have never felt such hatred for an inanimate object as I have for Epson's printers.


Nestle, one of the most evil companies in the world.


Fashion Nova. They have been known to take your money and not send the product you ordered. They will do deals and email you back saying that item is not in stock. When you ask for a refund they will give you store credit instead.


Kat Von D make up. I boycott her for being a proud antivaxx


Any MLM. Pyramid schemes suck. Examples: Avon. Mary Kay, Doterra, Etc... MLMs prey on the weak minded and rob people blind. I would never support them by buying their products, most are grossly overpriced anyways.


The reason why locksmiths are so expensive is because it has to be more profitable than burglary. (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Also, youtube ad revenue is apparently more than all the money every lock manufacturer on the planet wants to give you to stop you from telling the world how to open their lock in .25 seconds.


You’re not paying a professional to come out and get you in, you’re paying them not to come back on their own


I seriously lost my last key today. No, I didn't lock myself out of the car with the keys inside, I LOST THE KEY. Fucking somewhere. God knows where though So with No copies. You wanna know how you get a key made from scratch? First you get your Title and Registration. Lord forbid that is locked in the car.... because if so youre calling either the dealer or bank to get a contract of sale. Then you find the closest Licenced car dealer for your car type....and you have to go there in person. Then you have to go to their parts department. Show them the pre mentioned proof of ownership, VIN, and Your Drivers License. They'll make copies of all of these. They then give you a code. You go to a certified locksmith for that dealer...and you give them that code. And they cut you a key. And then you hope, and pray to god, sometime before you owned that car someone didn't get it rekeyed. Now imagine if you had to find these steps out from fucking scratch. Thats how i just wasted a day of my life. Cost a pretty penny too


r/lockpicking might find this humorous.


Not really, this doesn't account for moral and cultural ethics around the whole "not stealing" idea, which is strong enough in many parts of the world to deter the idea. Legal risk/ramifications may affect the choice to not pursue criminal behavior as well.


The Kool Aid man is either the pitcher or the juice inside of the pitcher. (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I think his body is the pitcher & the Kool Aid is is soul. That being said, we should mob him, totally drink his Kool Aid soul & see if he’s still alive. You know, for science sake.


Are you your body? Or are you a brain piloting a body around?


There was a commercial where he wakes up clear, picks out a color/flavor packet as if it were a T-shirt, pours it in, and gets on one of those old school vibrating exercise machines to mix the color in. So he's a pitcher of water and the Kool-Aid is his shirt.


Always the pitcher, never the catcher. No wonder he is so happy.


The Kool-Aid man in an invertebrate with a silicon dioxide exoskeleton.


LPT: If you’re cooking something that calls for bacon (like southern green beans, quiche, or soups) buy bacon ENDS instead of full strips (12/20/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


90% of the time I buy bacon ends-there’s a store near me that does a monthly meat sale where all meat is significantly cheaper than anywhere else in town-but they sell 5 lb boxes of bacon ends for 7 or 8 bucks For that price I can’t even imagine buying strips ever again


My new husband and his best friend make about 120 lbs of bacon every year. Cut it nice and thick, brine it in Maple syrup and smoke it Ends are great for biscuits and bacon (instead of sausage) gravy too. I bought microwavable cooked bacon before him.


I buy it pre-packaged, labeled 'Bacon Ends and Pieces'. I use the lean parts in various dishes, chop the fat into small bits and fry them until they're crunchy. They're perfect as topping for salad, potatoes, etc.


I worked in a meat plant for awhile. They made different pork items. Sausage, hot dogs, smokies, bacon etc. Did a bit of beef processing too. Anyways we could buy stuff at cost. 10kg (22lbs) of bacon ends for 10$ CAD. Store right now a .5kg slab is anywhere from 5 to 10 depending on quality and brand. Ribs. Smokies. Farmer sausage. Dirt cheap. Also at lunch they had a box in the fridge of sandwhich meat and sausage that was malformed or ends or whatever. For free. Just grab what you want. It was sweet.


The Queen in Chess is the first female hero in gaming (12/18/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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And the king is the useless husband stereotype we see on TV


Well how else do you explain Queen Elizabeth surviving 11 U.S. presidents?


The funny part is that the queen was originally called the Vizier or Prime Minister. So not only is it the first female hero in gaming, it's the first woke gender-swap.


This was the first erection, so i wish there were a better angle on it getting hard


The queen was originally the counsellor / prime minister / vizier. So she is a recast, like the all female Ghostbusters.


Covering your mouth when you burp seems to mitigate the rudeness, but cupping your bum when you fart would enhance it. (12/17/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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This is the content I sub for


Can you cup a bare ass fart and drop pink eye grenades on people? _genuinely curious, asking for a friend_


A true shower thought


I think that covering your mouth is more so people don't see the inside of your mouth, similar to covering your mouth when you yawn. If you are going bare then you probably should.


Cup a fart and throw it while screaming kamehameha.


Parents of reddit what is your best “why is my kid so stupid” moment? (12/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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My daughter insists wearing a jacket will make her cold because she only wears it when she is cold. **EDIT:** Thank you for the silver strangers!


My toddler watched at least an hour of an animated movie populated entirely by talking animals. Suddenly, a giraffe came onscreen and said something. My kid stood up, pointed at the TV, and angrily yelled, "What?! Giraffes can't talk!"


My son, who was 8 at the time, and an only child, carved his very long name into the toliet seat. Then claimed he didn't do it. Lol.


My 4 yo son just the other day spilled his water bottle on the floor. I told him to get paper towels to wipe it up. He does. Then I told him to throw the towels in the trash. He wrings them back out onto the floor before he throws them in the trash. <facepalm>


I'm amazed at how many times I've had to say "don't lick that".


What music video you watched AFTER liking a song for a while ruined the song for you? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Ed Sheeran's Shape of You. "The club isn't the best place to find a lover so the bar is where I go" ***shows him and her at a boxing studio***


Lips of an angel. Ugh I hate watching him sing it’s like he’s fighting off turning into a statue


She will be loved sounds like a great love song until you watch the video and realize its about Adam Levine fucking his GFs mom


Can I answer the opposite? Back when *Sexy and I Know It* came out, I heard it first and thought it was so stupid and pompous. Then I saw the video and it clicked that these guys are just goofballs.


Radioactive was a such a weird music video, I was hoping for some mad Max post apoc shit...I got a puppet fighting ring.


Videogames are probably the only form of media where the sequels are almost always better than the first installment. (12/18/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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As a dev I can absolutely agree with this; going into a first attempt at a game is effectively saying “alright, how do we even make this world *work?*”, particularly if you’re introducing new mechanics.


Black Ops 2 > Black Ops 3 > Satan’s Butthole > Black Ops 4


Half Life 3 is going to be awesome


Came here to see what games people bitch about and was not disappointed.


I'm surprised nobody mentioned Diablo-III. I waited 10 years for that game, and was very disappointed.


Americans that voted for Trump in 2016 but will not be voting for him in 2020, what changed your mind about him? [Serious] (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I was honestly hoping for something different with him. I can understand being rough around the edges, but my expectation as someone that has run many businesses, he would want to streamline the government as much as possible, making it more efficient and smaller. While there has been some positive movement in that direction, there has been plenty of unneeded regulation added. In addition, federal spending is out of control, something that no private business owner should be OK with. There is more that I am disappointed in, but that's the big part. I can already hear the downvotes piling up..... &#x200B; EDIT: So just wanted to say a few things: 1) OP, thanks you for posting this. I think it started some good conversations, which is wonderful. 2) Thank you to all that gave me awards. I really appreciate it. 3) I wanted to apologize. I posted this to answer OP's question, and got a lot of wonderful feedback initially. Eventually I got a lot of "lolz, you should have known better" comments, and I got defensive. I never had intended to get into the politics of this, just to answer a great question with an honest answer. That said, I made the best decision I could at the time with the information I had available to me at the time. I would 100% make the same decision again at that time. That will be the last I will be discussing that with anyone. I would love to talk more about how we can find common ground in the future. Thank you all for reading this, commenting, and being good to one another, and thank you again OP for posting this.


I was 18 and didn’t understand anything and was just listening to my conservative parents. Pretty much my only reason I voted for him was because “Hillary bad.” I still don’t understand anything about politics, but I understand things a little more than I did when I was 18. At this point, I actually try to form my own opinion rather than having people tell me.


Honestly, it was my first election, and I was dumb. How dumb? I voted the way my dad did and then I justified it. I’ve since done independent research and found other candidates that have views more similar to my actual views and ones that I like that I never knew existed before.


I started noticing a significant divide happening which he was the start of, and I began actually doing my own research on politics to form my own opinion instead of just hearsay from my conservative coworkers. I never really realized how much of a douche he was either. I just thought it was all “liberal propaganda”, but turns out that’s actually just conservative propaganda. The dude is fucking insane and pathetic and completely regret voting for him. I was part of the blue wave and this will be the first time I’ve ever voted for a Democrat presidential candidate. I have the internet to thank for having so much info available.


walking away from the Kurds did it for me


If your car horn could say words instead of honk what would you want it to say? (12/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I feel like "Excuse me" would be nice because it can be super versatile. Accidentally do something you need to apologise for? One short polite "excuse me" should work. Person if front of you not moving at a green light, three quick presses "Excuse me Excuse me Excuse me!" Someone being an ahole, one long press "excuuuuUUUUUUUSSSSEEE MEEEEE!"


I’m British, so I guess mine would just be a big sigh.


"Great job"


Electric eels are the closest thing we have to a real Pokémon (12/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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How about any types of fish AKA magikarps


Idk bro a regular bear could be a urasing


Mantis shrimp are cool too.


Platapuses are legit a Pokemon.


Don’t forget about pine cones and trash bags


Cutting the plastic rings from a 6 pack is you accepting that your garbage will most likely end up in the ocean. (12/16/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Wearing a seat belt does not mean that you are accepting that you will most likely be in a car incident.


It's not accepting, it's doing what you can to prevent land and sea animals from being harmed. It's nice to see the bartenders at my local watering hole always cut them. They can't help the type of packaging nor the place it's sent.


Perhaps you haven't seen the pictures of birds trapped in these things after searching for food in landfills?


This is why i only buy 24 packs. No plastic rings.


this was literally posted word for word like a week ago. drives me fucking insane


When divorce is done right a child goes from one unhappy home to two happy homes. (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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This is entirely possible, not probable but it can definitely benefit everyone involved, if done right.


This is true. My parents divorced when I was 3 and always lived in the same apartment complex or very close to each other. My mother's side of the family always invited my dad to everything and my dad's side always invites my mom. Both sides to this day ( my dad died 15 years ago) still talk and get together and act like one big happy family.


There’s also the possibility that the child may feel he/she doesn’t belong to any of those homes, especially if the parent has kids with their new partner.


Jesus christ... Yes, this is possible. Sometimes, parents who discover they are no longer happy living with each other, can remain civil for the sake of raising their children happily. It is not that uncommon, and actually I had an easier time explaining the whole thing to my 7 yr old than most adults


There are no certainties in life except death.


What is a fact that could possibly save your life? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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If you've gone two and a half or more days without water, and you have to choose between drinking water without any way to sanitize it or not drinking water, drink the water. If you don't, you'll definitely die soon. Most of the diseases you can get from bad water take a couple days to set in, which gives you more time to find help.


If you encounter a mountain lion, DO NOT turn your back on it. Walk backwards. Cats are ambush predators. They don't want to fight you head-on and will wait for you to turn around to attack. There are videos showing this behavior with tigers at the zoo! People will sit in front of the enclosure, and as soon as they turn their back to the cat, the tiger goes into stalk mode. They turn around to face the tiger, and the tiger goes out of stalk mode.


3 minutes without air. 3 days without water. 3 weeks without food.


Lock your doors at night. If you’ve been stabbed and the weapon is left in your body, do not remove it. Edit: as has been brought to my attention, lock your door ALWAYS.


Actual fires spread shockingly fast. We all like to play "What's the one thing you'd grab if your house was on fire?" but the real right answer is that if it's not alive, you should leave it and get the hell out. People tend to imagine a fire burning on the floor in a corner somewhere, but the reality is often that it's running across the ceiling and circling around the walls. Just get out.


Whats the biggest difference between who you are and who you want to be? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I don't actually do anything or get anything done


I want to be less angry and instead, be more patient and positive. I often get mad over things I know don't really matter and its exhausting for me and those close to me


Who I want to be is a braver, more resilient version of who I am.




I would accually like myself. My self-esteem would be alot better.


Gamers of Reddit, Which gaming community is the nicest of all? (12/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Animal crossing! Absolutely.


Stardew Valley


Google dinosaur


If the community is small tends to be friendly and nice


Rimworld has a pretty nice community. They just take all of their sociopathy out on their colonists.


Who is someone in history, that few people know about that you think more people should? (12/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Claudette Colvin. She was 15 years old when she refused to give up her seat to a white person on a Montgomery Alabama city bus. This was 9 months before Rosa Parks.


Bunny Roger, WWII hero, fashion designer. He was known for having immense courage under fire (dragging fellow soldiers from burning buildings and such, apparently all while wearing his signature chiffon scarf) and once when someone asked him what to do about the approaching Germans he said "when in doubt, powder heavily" also upon returning from WWII he said “Now that I’ve killed so many Nazis Daddy will *have* to buy me a sable coat.” So like flamboyantly gay super soldier and inventor of the Capri pant.


**Saint** Olga of Kiev. She obliterated the tribe that killed her husband, and then she was beatified as a saint.


There was a group of studio musicians in the 60's called the "The Wrecking Crew." They were so talented that they were called in CONSTANTLY to play the instruments on COUNTLESS hit records. If a song was popular and a hit in the 60', odds are these guys were the musicians. The Monkey's albums? The Wrecking Crew were the musicians when in the studio. Not who you think played. The Beach Boys? Brian Wilson was the genius of the band and he didnt like going on the road. He'd stay behind and in the studio recording their HUGE hit records NOT with his band mates. But with the far more talented Wrecking Crew musicians. Theres an awesome documentary about them. Most people arent aware of their place in music history. They were kind of hidden away. When they wanted the BEST studio recording and instruments played skillfully, the Wrecking Crew were called in.


Jimmy Doolittle He’s famous for leading the Doolittle Raid, but a lot of people aren’t aware of his contributions to aviation. It’s impossible to fly in the clouds with your vestibular senses alone. Without looking at the ground, you can become disoriented and put the plane into a dangerous position and crash. Doolittle realized that to really achieve full freedom of flight a method of safely flying in the clouds was needed. He developed the artificial horizon and directional gyroscope, still used by pilots today. In 1929, he was the first person to take off, fly, and land a plane using only instruments, without view from outside the cockpit. This is one of the most underrated things that helped make air travel possible. So next time your flight takes off on an rainy, overcast day, you can thank Jimmy Doolittle.


Getting older as an actor and starting to do scenes where you die of old age must be a little disconcerting. (12/15/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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I’ve thought this. An actor goes from being a love interest, to the parent, to the old person. I’m sure it’s weird for them the first time they land a role for a character that is in the next “age bracket”


What about being a drug-addicted actor portraying a drug-addicted celebrity who dies of an overdose?


But what happens when they *actually* die of old age during the act? Do they keep the scene for realism or throw it out to avoid suspicion?


Yeah but they get paid buttloads of money so...


Dying as an actor? It's a living.


What do you think is the game of the decade? (12/19/2019) ~ AskReddit

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2011 - Not a game, but the year that MINECRAFT, PORTAL 2, SKYRIM, and DARK SOULS all came out.


You can either hate it or love it but have to admit, Minecraft has been not just mad sucessful but very influential. I think it can be called the game of the decade even if there are more entertaining, more interesting and more goodlooking games on the market. Minecraft really seems to become a timeless classic because of the simplicity of it. It is easy to understand, very immersive and is the most sandbox experience, you can have in a game. It can be played across many different platforms with different specs. Suitable for most ages and everyone could find something that they like to do in the game. Has no strict storyline or progression, you have to follow. Gets updated regularly, with decent changes. You can always go back to older versions, you can olay online in plenty of different ways. It hEAs no sEArious microtrEAnsEActions and it is infinitely replayable so you don't just pay for ten hours of fun. You mustn't like it. Especially since the fanbase has a quite irritating segment but you have to admit it was rather gamechanging. Also it's nice to have different resource packs, shaders and a shitload of mods available to further customise the game to your likings. The mod comunity is very great and active too with every update getting lits of new mods right away. Easy controls, simple physics and game concept that you can elevate by digging deep into reddstone builds or technology based modpacks. Mostly suitable for both girls and boys and all so that is also a big plus that just helped the ame gain mad popularity. Yeah that sums it up I think. Personally... I like the game but it's not my favourite. I can play it forever tho and now my partner (who never was a gamer girl and usually doesn't get why people like gaming) got into it and she enjoys it quite a lot so I am impressed. edit: thank you for all the awards you kind strangers.


The Google dinosaur game


fucking **m i n e c r a f t**


Cavs vs Warriors game 7


[Serious] What is the creepiest thing you have experience that you still think about to this day? (12/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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When I was about 8 or 9, my moms friends took us to see the puppy they were going to buy. The owner offered us to walk the parent-dogs (two Rottweilers, I remember their names til this day). They were super friendly and walked off leash with the two kids of my moms friend, and myself. When we arrived in a grassy area surrounded by trees, a tall guy approached us. He grabbed my shoulder and the dogs went completely nuts. I remember he had a mirror and tried shining light into the dogs eyes. The mother dog stayed circling me while I ran to the house and the other dog chased after this guy until he was gone. It was terrifying, but what really stands by me is that those dogs didn't know me, from before yet they protected me and my friends as if their lives depended on it. &#x200B; Edit: The man was wearing one of those long, leather trenchcoats and his mirror was very small. So I assume he wasn't ''randomly strolling the woods with a mirror''. I think we got lucky that day and I'm forever grateful for those dogs.


On a family vacation when I was a kid, renting a beach condo. The unit next door was a regular residence, and we met the family, nice people. They were leaving at the end of the week for their own trip, but the daughter had to work one more overnight shift as a nurse. The dad and the younger kids left that day and the mother and daughter were going to leave the next morning and catch up with them. That morning, as we were packing up our own stuff to go home, we started hearing sirens out on the road in front of the condos. There were several emergency vehicles outside, and eventually an air evac helicopter landed on the road and took off with a gurney rolled out of the unit next to us. A while later, we got the story. The daughter had come home from her shift and found the mother beaten to death with a hammer or something similar. We hadn't heard or seen anything, even though we shared a wall. The creepiest part was that the officers found that the killer had accessed the house by the back porch door, facing the beach. The bedroom me and my brothers were sleeping in was down on the ground floor, with the same porch door leading out to the beach, only a few feet away from that same door and only separated by a waist-high rail. Talking about it later, we weren't even sure we had locked the door that night.


My wife and I went to CreepyCon in Knoxville this year to listen to one of our friends give a panel. On our last day in town we were meeting up with one of my wife's cousins for brunch. We're parking in a lot across the street when a guy walks up to me. He was trying to tell me to park on some side street because it was free, but my wife was already at the pay machine. Plus, I had already parked and really didn't want to risk a ticket on the word of a stranger. Well, he didn't really care about where we were parking, he just wanted to make some money. He had something he wanted to sell me and *pulled a knife out*. I stepped back and looked at my wife, who stayed back. "Don't worry man, I'm not going to stab you. Do you want to buy this knife?" I told him that I didn't really want a knife and that we didn't carry cash. In his defense, he didn't stab me.


So,I was about 12 at the time and it was around 2am one day and I was playing cs with friends. We're in a call as I hear a door slam, and it was quite a loud one, loud enough for me to hear through my headphones. I was freaked and just frooze in my chair and took off my headphones, and then I heard footsteps. I was sure someone broke in or something, but I was to afraid to get out of my room. Everything was silence after a few seconds, and there was no one in our house, the door was locked as it was before, and it seemed like everything was back to normal, so I tell my friends I'm logging off and I tried to go to sleep. It took me ages before I could fall asleep, but eventually I did. The next morning, I tell my mom about what happened. Her face went white. She told me she had dreamed about my dad, and she told me the dream. He came to our house, slammed the door and woke her up with the sound of the slam, she was so excited to see him and she hugged him and kissed him and they went into my room where they saw me playing video games, and my dad told her that I grew up so much and was really happy to see me. (He taught me how to play cs when I was like 5~ish years old) &#x200B; My dad has passed away when I was 6. (Heart failure) It's still creeping me out to this day.


When me and my Mom moved to a new house. She had some re-decorating to do. One of the things she wanted to change was to get some new curtains for our bathroom, the curtains in there were torn, dirty, browned and just ugly af. So she bought some new curtains. As she is quite short, she can't reach our attic which is where she wanted to store the old curtains (It was rented so we couldn't throw them away) so I put the curtains into a box then put them into the attic. The new curtains went up. All is good. The next day when I come home from school the horrible, dirty curtains are back up in the bathroom. New curtains are nowhere to be seen. I asked my Mom why she had changed the curtains back over, she was terrified, had no idea how it happened. Still bothers me to this day.


LPT: No matter how much you trust them or how close you are, never expect to get lent money back. (12/16/2019) ~ Life Pro Tips

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Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


You also learn who your real friends are. I went and visited a buddy this past summer in Pittsburgh. We did a small road trip to D.C. and on the way there, his car broke down, so we had to get it towed to a shop and fixed up. Unfortunately, my friend isn't in the best financial situation, so I had to pay for the tow and the fix (about $650 USD.) I live overseas, and the guy paid me the full amount back in 2 month, while living even more frugally than he is used to, just to pay me back. I've blacklisted people for not paying back less. Best friend ever.


I lent a friend $50 bucks and I never saw him again. Best 50 bucks I ever spent.


My grandmother lent me $800 and you better believe I paid her back. What broke my heart was when she told me about all the money she lent my cousins and sisters that she never got back. She said "You're the only one that's paid me back."


I've always just heard this as "Only lend money you're OK with never seeing again."


Rich people of Reddit that were poor before, how did money solve your problems and what new problems have appeared? (12/17/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I can now buy good gifts for my friends/family. Downside: now I cant get them shitty gifts


Money allows me to not worry. It doesn't make me happy, but it frees up my mind to BE happy, because I don't have to spend time worrying about how I'm going to pay the next bill. Lifestyle creep is a very real thing, if you're looking for a "problem." We've gotten used to this level of money, so if it were to go away, it would be a pretty big problem pretty quickly. Our bills have risen along with our income.


Fawning service industry people. Waitstaff, hotel, retail store people. It's embarrassing sometimes because I don't know how to react. I have a sister who is middle class and three kids. I'm relied on to provide certain expensive things for the kids. Once in a while is fine. It's fun. But because I have no kids, she thinks there should be a constant stream of fun activities and gifts coming from me because "what else are you spending your money on".


Went through childhood in the foster system and fell through the cracks, ended up homeless a few times. Anyways I am not a 1%er but I do make more than 80% of Americans (yearly salary wise). Money relieved me of stress. When I go shopping I don't check my bank account before I make a purchase, I have insurance so I am not afraid to go to the dentist or doctor, going out with friends is fun because I know I won't be financially struggling from a night out. It ultimately bought me a level of stability I never was used to and I am incredibly grateful. My 'new problems' I wouldn't call problems, home maintenence, car upkeep, bills, etc. I am grateful those are my main worries these days.


I can afford the good toilet paper now. The only problem is, I’m still not rich enough to have someone wipe for me.


What common misconception do you hate to hear repeated as fact? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Impeachment = Removal from office


You don't have to wait to report a missing person. There is no 24h or 48 requirement.


Every year when Time announces their person of the year you get half of people shouting "Time is bullshit! This person sucks, they don't deserve an award!" and the other half shouting "Ha ha! Our person won person of the year so they're objectively the best person in the world this year!" For examples, see Trump in 2016 or Greta this year. Usually the people who don't like that person will bring up that Time gave person of the year to Hitler so obviously they have no idea who is good or bad, or they only pick bad people. So, to clear things up: # Time person of the year goes to the most *newsworthy* person of the year, not the best person of the year.


That wolves have “alphas” in their packs. The man who made this “discovery” has spent most of his career trying to correct this because he found out what he observed was a family, the “alpha” is typically the mother of the wolves in the pack and not “the most dominant” wolf. Edit: The man who popularised the idea was L.David Mech and has since renounced his findings on the “pack alpha”


People swallow 7 spiders every year in their sleep. No, they don't.


You have to invent a “death” for your child’s Elf on the Shelf. How does that little creep meet his demise? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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He hid in the garbage disposal. You can include a lesson on Darwinism.


Crush up a candy cane and make it look like an elf drug he OD'd on


He doesn't have to die, he could just become a dentist. (And then overdose on laughing gas but i digress)


Dies from HIV he contracted from the adult Xmas themed Whore in a drawer


Auto Erotic Elf Asphyxiation. Put a little belt around his little neck, and explain that it's not possible to do that shit safely, even if you're a supernatural being. So don't start.


Respect to the guy who wrote “jingle bell rock” for talking a really big game with that title and then delivering the absolute softest shit on earth. (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Rock was a very different style of music in the 50s than it is today.


I actually love the guitar parts in jingle bell rock, ain’t that soft.


It's like the cover for Meatloaf's Bat Outta Hell looks like its gonna be the heaviest metal album straight from Hades itself and well....that it ain't.


"I wrote this song, Jingle Bell Rock. It shreds!" *sleigh bells*


OP doesn’t understand what rock music is/was


People are infinitely more likely to drink something that tastes terrible if it fucks them up than drink something that tastes terrible if it makes them 100% healthier. (12/17/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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What on earth is 100% healthier? Like I’m going to live twice as long? At least a buzz is real.


*pours vodka into V8 juice* ¿Por que no los dos?


Drinking something that fucks you up, the 'benefit' is felt immediately. Drinking something that makes you healthier, that's something you don't feel right away unless you are very thirsty. Thus the behavior gets more easily reinforced, even if it's not that great for you.


Possible the more popular opinion. But I prefer the water over the devil's drink. Now the devil's lettuce. That's my jam and my jelly.


a lot of alcohol doesn't taste terrible. there are plenty of beers and mixed drinks that taste fine or better


Wolverine could just donate an infinite number of kidneys/hearts, since they’d just grow back on him, and that would make him a different type of superhero. (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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What's to say that wouldn't cause other issues, such as the removed organ proceeding to regenerate another Wolverine inside the donation recipient? Wolverine can essentially regenerate at the atomic level, so...


I often wonder if Wolverine picked up HIV by stabbing someone with his claws and then retracting them. I assume he'd be fine, but is he cured or would he infect everyone he slashes with HIV?


There are a lot of PR opportunities for mutants that would've helped bridge the divide. Why didn't Storm go to drought stricken areas? Why didn't Jean, Charles or Psylocke help people with mental issues? Why didn't Nightcrawler start up a zero carbon emissions transport company?


Yeah if you could keep him open long enough to get the organ out.


You'd have to get through his skeleton, do it with dead pool since he is missing the reinforced skeleton


December 25th feels more like a deadline than a holiday (12/20/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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Postal worker here: feels way more like a Finish Line.


Buy me something or you don't love me.


The Dark Side of Christmas: pressure to spend money we might not really have to reassure others that we love them.


This year the family has decided to not get gifts for everyone (except the kids) and it has been noticeably less stressful/ more enjoyable.


This is something I didn't know I was feeling


Gamers of Reddit, as a kid, what boss was impossible to beat, but is easy now? (12/18/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I remember having a hard time beating that penguin in a race on Mario64


My father.


I wouldn't say boss, but wall jumping in Super Metroid was literally impossible for me as a kid. I probably spent hours trying to get the rhythm down, and ended up ragequitting harder than any other game. I never tried the game again until I was an adult, and by then it was so simple.


The Riku Ansem fight in hollow bastion in kingdom hearts 1, and to top it off in the original game you couldn't skip the cut scene and you would have to rewatch it everytime, I probably watched that 3 minute cut scene a hundred thousand times. But ya going back pretty easy you just glide in a circle


The elite four of any Pokémon game.


(Serious) Gay men of Reddit, what was your “Sorry ladies, I like men” moment? (12/15/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I'm more on the skinny side of men and if you looked at me long enough you'd know damn well I'm gay. Apparently though it depends on where I am that people notice this fact. While at a bar with a couple of my friends (3 straight dudes and 1 bi guy) I was talking with a lot of the women that my straight friends were chatting with as well, just being friendly you know. One of them, really pretty lady, was talking to me and telling me that she liked my confidence in talking to women (which my confidence comes from wanting a conversation not a hookup) and gave me her number. Let me tell you my conversational confidence dissapeared like that and I panicked and was like "oh my god I'm so sorry I'm gay I like men ahhaaha". Luckily she didnt seem to fazed by that and we ended up having a lovely conversation.


I had a group of girls on the train once chastise me for staring at their friend’s butt. I told them I was gay and was only staring at her questionable fashion choices. (She looked fine, but I was a little insulted and had to retaliate)


I was getting drunk with my manager out in the parking lot after my last day of work. General I’m going to miss you, it’s been fun, remember that time.. kind of stuff. She confessed she had feelings for me but because of the company’s strict rules on fraternization she kept it to herself. She then asked if I wanted to go back to her place. Now I never talked about my sexuality, I prefer to be single so people would probably assume from a distance and never be validated one way or the other. I wouldn’t lie if someone asked but I pass for straight so no one ever really did. I told her what the deal was, but surprisingly this didn’t change her mind. She was not a person that was used to or would tolerate rejection. This made her a great GM but not very personable. In fact she kind of got offended and continued to come on to me regardless, right there in the front seat of her car. Again I told her it wasn’t going to happen and I didn’t feel comfortable with her advances. She then tried renegotiating, asking if she could just suck my dick instead.


Haven't had one. Usually ladies just ask me if I have a "girlfr..." pause as if coming to a realization and continue with "rrrsignificant other?" Just started a new job and that exact sequence of syllables has happened to me at least three times in as many days. Apparently I'm just obvious enough that you can tell, but not until you're mid-sentence.


One time I told a girl that I liked her boots (in my defense they were awesome) but she and her boyfriend thought I said boobs. “Oh god no I’m gay” helped me a lot that day.


Magnets can never be gay. (12/19/2019) ~ Shower Thoughts

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They can be bipolar tho.


It's big brain time


They can but only at a distance


You can always force them together.


Let's talk about magnets. We often talk about the north pole and the south pole of a magnet. A lot of people don't understand that the north and south poles of the magnet are the same thing. If you cut a magnet in half down the middle, you don't have one magnet that is all north and another that is all south, you have two smaller magnets that have a north and south pole all to themselves. What the north and south pole indicate is the direction the magnetic field is flowing. When magnets attract each other, the magnetic fields are flowing the same direction (S->N->S->N->). When the magnets repel each other, the fields are flowing in the opposite direction (S->N-><-N<-S). That's right! **ALL MAGNETS ARE GAY**!


If you were being accused of fantasising about making love to a dolphin by your whole school and they found your dolphin fan fiction online, what would you say to make them think you were just doing it as a joke to get them to focus on something else? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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I mean, I think you're just gonna have to lay low for a while pal.


Ask them why they were reading dolphin fan fiction online.




"Some guy paid me $500 to write that story."


Start a rumor that you were writing it for the football teams starting quarterback. He paid you $150 and had some WILD requests.


What’s the dumbest thing you’ve upvoted today to get coins? (12/20/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Wait, you guys are getting coins?


I am baffled by the obsession of many with getting gold, silver or upvotes. What's the draw? And what's the point of paying for a premium account or coin?


What coins?


Is this a “What do you think of the new like button sound” type thing you’re doing?


Is this a scam to get upvotes, or am i missing out on something here?


What do you think of shutting down Ask Reddit for a year to freshen up the questions? (12/16/2019) ~ AskReddit

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Then everyone will forget about all the common reposts, so when it comes back online there will be a flood of *Your username is now your profession, what do you do?* posts


The same things will keep getting reposted.


But will the questions freshen up? Or just take a one year break and pick up where they left off?


Users could do their part by not answering or upvoting questions they feel are reposted too many times


But how will I know what the girls of reddit find attractive about guys every day?